Music
I should have learned to play an instrument. I spent my junior high years learning to play drums by watching hours of videos on MTV (back when they showed hours of videos). I never got to practice on a real drum set, though, just unsharpened pencils and whatever was laying around the house. For a non-musician, I am into music. About the only way I can get out of a funk sometimes is to put the discman on, sit back in a chair, and get lost in the tunes. Last night I did this to the Caulfields, a typcial mid 90s band that most people have never heard of, but that were able to heal my soul last night. I may be the only person in America who has both of their CDs (I found one here at the Apex Office when we moved stuff).

I grew up on the early 80s American rock and roll bands. Feel free to make fun, but I was into Journey (was there ever really a better rock and roll band?), Styx, Night Ranger, the Doobie Brothers, Mellencamp (I am from Indiana), Rush, etc. I have this three disk Journey box set with their music from 1974 through the early 1990s. As few people as I know who think Journey was that great, I invite you to listen to it all the way through and tell me if you've ever heard a better all-around three-disk music recording. I'm a little biased. I saw them in concert in 1986 and it was very cool.

Anyway, these days I find myself digging two kinds of music (besides all my early 80s reruns). This may tell a lot about me. First, I find myself listening to the Jazz more and more (this fits for me under the category of "mood music" -- it gets me in touch with my emotions). As I listen back to the old Journey stuff, I realize its much the same -- rhythm and blues disguised as rock and roll. Second, I'm listening to the extreme radio more than ever. ANGER MUSIC ROCKS! Sorry. In order to delve into this world just a little, I have a Linkin Park CD and a Foo Fighters CD. That's about as daring as I have gone.

Message from an Oracle
Yes, I use that title because I have been Matrix Reloadeded! I will not write about it, though, since I have so many friends who are more movie-savy than I. I will alllow them to blog-review. I just hope they will return the favor when the Cubs get to the World Series this year (then I will have plenty to say).

But, I did get a message from an Oracle of sorts today, and it was about blogging. Hats off to Jeremiah Smith for this stuff:

"here are the stages of blogdom I've experienced:

#1. infatuation
frequent posts. 3-4 a day. you can't get enough.
#2. realization
when reality sets in. the blogging relationship settles into a more realistic pattern. once a day.
#3. disillusionment
why am I doing this? what are my motives? does anybody really read this anyway?
#4. breakup
often referred to as a "fast" from blogging to wrestle with stage #3.
#5. resolution/determination
you return to the blog a new person, not really giving a shit whether anyone reads it or not but finding it cathartic in a
voyeuristic kind of way."

Loose Ends & A Symbol of Hope
Yesterday was a day full of loose ends. For me, that spells frustration. We re-arranged the Apex Office to prepare for interns to arrive, but had to leave things only about 90% complete at the end of the day. In the process our internet connection went down, which required me to troubleshoot and go look for a part. I thought that was all done, but this morning the internet is moving slow again. As I type this, I notice that my computer keyboard is about to fall into my lap (the tray broke yesterday, and I left it unfixed). We had a staff meeting in which we tried to figure out the Second Sunday formats to begin in June -- a good conversation, but one that was left only about 90% complete. Last night I moved two tons of landscaping rocks from my driveway to my backyard, but I ran out of time to finish spreading them before dark. I could go on, but I imagine the reader could find something more enjoyable to do than read my bitching and moaning.

Yesterday also contained a symbol of hope. This seems silly, but it meant something to me. For the past six months or so, our nerf basketball has been "lost" here at the office. We have a hoop hanging over the door, but it never gets used. We gave up on finding the ball long ago. As we moved a filing cabinet yesterday, we found the ball under the filing cabinet. I'm stil not sure how a ball can be lost under (not behind, but under!) a heavy piece of furniture, and still be shaped like a ball, but I swear that is what happened. Anyway, having the ball back was very fun & exciting to me for some reason.

I think yesterday was a microcosm lesson about life. Minor loose ends remind me of life's major loose ends. And small, seemingly insignifcant symbols of hope remind me of large, significant symbols as well.

I am an introvert.
Psychologists tell me that means that I draw my energy from being alone and expend my energy by being with other people. Many of you who read this are among the people I love the most, and the ones with whom I am most comfortable spending time. I'm less an introvert than I used to be thanks to some of you. Still, I'm by nature a loner. I could go on a week's vacation by myself every year and thoroughly enjoy it (though I've yet to find a way to make this happen). If I am with people from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed for several days in a row, I get very anxious and negative, and find that I need to get away by myself for at least a few hours or I don't cope well with life. Sometimes I show up at a function where lots of people are and I start feeling that way, so I end up hiding out in the corner pretty much by myself. I feel guilty about it, but I don't mind it on a personal level. I often want those around me to know that I do love them, that I do enjoy spending time with them, but by my very nature, I am an introvert.

There is a spiritual side to being an introvert, but I'll save that for another day.