Wednesday, June 11, 2003

My latest theory on what's wrong with me is . . . that I am full of fear.

Why do I get so freaked out and angry when my brand new computer crashes eight hours after I buy it? My do long lines and slow people completely get to me? Why do I have to rush through everything I do so that I can get done early and then do nothing? I think the answer to all of these questions might be that I am full of fear. Fear that I will not have something I need when I need it. Fear that I will not have time to do something I have to do. Fear that I will get caught in a situation that I can't handle (or control) and that everything will just blow up. In reality, I'm sure its all really a deep-down fear of death. Fear, the opposite of faith. Yeah, I know this is all stupid, and that my faith has answers to all of this, but I'm just confessing the truth of the matter. I am full of fear.