Soul Vent

2010-11-18T20:11:00.000-05:00

Going Northeast

We have started a new blog about our church planting ministry in the Northeast. Keep up to date with the latest updates about us at that blog!

2010-01-24T12:00:00.002-05:00

Boiling It Down to a Few Key Convictions

Notwithstanding my past posts and my past ministry experiences, I do recognize that God is in a variety of forms from the micro-church to the mega-church, from the organic to the organizational, and from the simple to the complex. Both extremes serve, in some ways, as critiques of each other, yet at this moment in church history, only in the complete picture of the both/are we able to clearly see the Kingdom.

I have become, however, committed to the following convictions which I believe apply across the board:

It is vitally important the church understands what it really means to be the church.

Church is not, at its essence, a place where certain things happen.

Church is, at its essence, God’s people/family on God’s mission.

Church is, in the broadest sense, all of Christ’s followers from throughout history and from all corners of the earth.

Church is, in its simplest form, plural for “Christ-follower.”

Church, as we have all experienced it, is not as healthy as God intended.

Every Christ-follower has contributed to the unhealthiness of the church because we are all, on some level, spiritually unhealthy.

Every Christ-follower who comes to experience himself/herself as God’s loved child is released to love other Christ-followers and to radiate God’s love to other humans.

The church is best described and understood by using family imagery, not business imagery.

Christ-followers should increasingly meet and act together within the context of their component family units instead of assuming that it is always best to segregate parents from their children.

Disciple-making and church-planting methodology must be flexible enough to penetrate urban and rural contexts, not merely suburban contexts, if the overall church of North America is to experience long-term future growth.

Every Christ-follower is a missionary to the culture in which he or she lives.

The church grows as the good news of the kingdom spreads like a viral infection.

In order to accomplish its mission, the church needs small, efficient “special forces” to accompany its large and impressive “armored personnel carriers” and “aircraft carriers.”

2009-09-04T22:15:00.013-04:00

Reflecting (On) What's Wrong, Part 20

For the past six months, I’ve been posting reflections on a journey that I have been on for nearly two decades to find out what’s wrong with the church. It is not as negative and critical as it may sound at first. Here it is outlined in one post, with links to the text of each entry.

I sense that I'm getting ready to turn a page and move on to a new "day" in the months and years ahead. Writing this down has been clarifying and helpful to me. I hope it can be useful in some ways to others on the journey as well.

A. PRE-REFLECTIONS

B. PIECES OF THE PROBLEM

1. Generational Issues

2. Cultural Issues

3. Theological Issues

4. Personal Issues

Another Note

C. RESPONDING TO THE PROBLEM

Redefining My Identity

Reducing Church to Its Relational Essence

Reducing Church to Its Relational Essence, Continued

Restructuring Life

Releasing Ourselves from Labels

More Thoughts on Reducing Church to Its Relational Essence

Recognizing Family As the Primary Image of Church

Family As Primary Image of Church, Continued

A Spiritual Experience

So Few Real Spiritual Experiences

An Illustration

"These are the last words I have to say. That's why this took so long to write. There will be other words some other day. But that's the story of my life." --Famous Last Words by Billy Joel

2009-08-24T19:32:00.003-04:00

Reflecting (On) What's Wrong, Part 19

Pat's Story (Illustrating Comments in Last Post)

I can think of one dramatic example of us longing for that power and not finding it present during my time in Las Vegas. It is the story of Pat. Pat and his wife showed up at our large gathering early on in our house church transition. They were there during the period when we devoted much of our larger gathering times to casting the vision for simple church and encouraging everyone to join one or start one.

Pat and his wife came with a community already attached, so to speak. He and a dozen or so others had been Christ-followers together for awhile. They had gone through the tragic death of their spiritual mentor and were looking for new guidance.

Birthing of a House Church

Shortly after they started attending our larger gathering, Pat approached me and said that they were ready to become a house church. He invited me to join them the following week to help them get started. I went to the humble trailer where Pat and his wife lived, and was amazed at what I experienced. A community of people were gathered together. Many of them were facing difficult life issues: health problems, addictions, job and financial problems, and relational problems. Yet they were already functioning as a healthy church community, spontaneously practicing many of the one another commands of the New Testament. In essence, this was a group of rather unhealthy individuals who, when they all got together, formed a relatively healthy church community. I came to enjoy meeting with them.

I began to spend time with Pat outside of the community meetings, training him with what I knew of disciple-making and organic church planting. We met regularly at a coffee shop and went through the Greenhouse organic church planting training. He ate it up and soaked it in like few people I had worked with.

One week, Pat pleasantly surprised me when he began sharing with me that he was having some conversations with other people in his neighborhood about coming to the church at his house and about following Christ. I remember thinking that Pat was really much better at this stuff than I was or than many of our other people were, but he didn’t even know it. It just came natural to him.

Unexpected Tragedy

Then something amazing happened. I got a phone call one day that Pat had been rushed to the hospital after having a severe seizure. He was only in his mid-twenties, so this was an unexpected development. My wife and I and many others spent the next several weeks visiting Pat at the hospital and providing support for those in his community.

To make a long story short, it turned out Pat had suffered a massive stroke. It was doubtful for awhile whether he would survive. Many of us joined together in fervently praying for his recovery. The days and weeks dragged by and Pat did survive and get physically better, but mentally he never progressed past the stage of a five-year-old.

I remember one day after Pat had been moved out of the hospital into a rehab facility. A couple of simple church planting mentors of mine were visiting from Colorado. I told them the story of Pat, recounting all of the details. I asked if they would come to the rehab facility and pray over him with me. These were men who, based on my experience in the past, knew how to pray in such a way that sometimes rather interesting things would happen.

Begging God for Pat

So we invaded that rehab facility, so to speak, that evening. We surrounded Pat and prayed fervently over him. We prayed for his recovery. We prayed for his mental and physical health. We prayed for his wife. We prayed for the spiritual community that surrounded Pat and the potential growing and multiplying community around him.

I walked out of that rehab facility that night confident that Pat would soon be restored to full health, and that he would continue to spark a church planting movement among a needy group of people that I myself was ill equipped to reach.

But sadly, that is not what happened. This is not a story with a glorious ending in which I get to be one of the heroes of the faith. Pat never got much better than he was that day.

Not a Fairy Tale Ending

Sadly, many months later, he and his wife ended up divorcing as a result of the complications of this entire ordeal. Custody of Pat, who couldn’t take care of himself, ended up going to his mother, a woman who struggled with alcoholism. Eventually, I could not even find a way to get ahold of Pat. The community that met at his house struggled and gradually dissolved as a result of a couple of years of the turmoil that resulted from these events.

I usually don’t get into spiritual warfare language, because I just think some Christians throw that language around carelessly and naively. But that was one time when if the power of God had showed up, it would have been rather Acts-like in its impact. Yet something evil showed up instead, and it wreaked havoc.

Pat has some skeletons in his closet. I am not trying to say that some of what happened to him and his community wasn’t self-inflicted. To a degree, it was. Yet this story left me wonderfully aware of how church growth, church multiplication, and disciple-making movements all are really spawned only by acts of God, not by acts of men or acts of Greg. And when, for whatever reason in his sovereignty He chooses not to act, the results do not come.

Alarmed, bothered, frustrated, scared & jolted

Pray more about this, we must. We must beg God to show up in power as He has at moments throughout history to spawn movements of multiplication in His kingdom. Otherwise, we will settle for imitation results that we know how to produce, such as filling seats at entertaining Christian events and taking the glory for it.

We need to get alarmed, bothered, frustrated, scared, and jolted to our cores that the power once experienced by Christ’s followers is largely absent from the North American church today. I need to be more bothered that I have only occasionally experienced anything divine, and that my life is dry and stale as a result. We need to beg God to do something in our time.

It Is Easier . . .

It is easier to find a Christian band we like and let their music move us.

It is easier to find a Christian author we like and read everything he has written and enjoy it immensely.

It is easier to find a preacher we like and sit on our butts for a half hour every Sunday until we die and be inspired by his words (even though we have heard it all before).

It is easier to build impressive church buildings in the suburbs, watch them grow with new attenders, and ignore the fact that churches in the inner city and rural countryside are shrinking and closing at a greater rate than our suburban churches are swelling.

It’s easier to create emotional experiences, go a little crazy on occasion, and call that God’s power than it is to admit that we are really starving for it and can’t seem to evoke it by our efforts to do so.

It is Harder . . .

It is harder to beg God to move with power, and deal with the fact that the power is only trickling these days for some reason. This is a problem we have as the church. We must be honest about what is happening around us and get busy begging God to move in power, however and whenever he wishes.

We've Seen This Before

This seemed to be the story of the New Testament as well. For four hundred years there had been no prophet in Israel. Yet the religious leaders of the day would probably tell you things were going well. They had synagogue worship. The religious leaders enjoyed power and prosperity, and there was plenty of “success” to focus upon. But not until God showed up in power through his son (the Jesus story in Matthew, Mark, Luke and John) and through His spirit (the church’s story in Acts) did real kingdom growth occur. The times seem very similar here in North America.

Pat’s story, and a few other similar experiences, taught me this.

2009-08-15T11:10:00.003-04:00

Reflecting (On) What's Wrong, Part 18

So Few Real Spiritual Experiences

I’ve attended over 2000 church services in my life. I’ve probably listened to another two to three hundred sermon recordings. I’ve attended dozens of conferences and retreats on church-related and spiritual issues. I have a bachelor’s degree and a master’s degree form a Bible college and seminary. I went to Sunday school throughout my childhood. I’ve attended more Bible studies, small groups, and other church functions than I can recall.

And yet I can count the real spiritual experiences I have had on my fingers.

They are memorable moments that led to real transformation in my life. They came at unexpected moments: sitting on a plane returning from a missions trip, in a room I didn’t know existed at a conference center in New Mexico, at a worship rally at a youth conference where I was supposed to be a youth leader but ended up being a receiver, in a quiet church office with five other guys early one Friday morning. And perhaps a few others.

We need powerful moments of real spiritual experience I have come to believe. One of the problems with the church is that we don’t really experience God more often.

Spiritual Experiences or Emotional Highs?

Some cynics, like myself, may be reading this and thinking that these were just emotional highs, mountain top experiences, that really were no more God than any other day of my life. Perhaps you are right. But I’m not so sure. I have also had emotional highs. I haven’t counted all of those in what I am now talking about. But regardless of how one categories what I am describing, I think it is right to say that the church has a problem in that we, as her people, have far too seldom encounters with the Almighty, and that we have far too little of His power showing up in our lives.

In 30-some years of nearly weekly church attendance, dozens of conferences, dozens of retreats, etc., I can count on my fingers the times I have really felt the power of God move. Whether it was my emotions or the real thing doesn’t matter for the purposes of these writings. I’m just saying its rare. And that is in many ways another aspect of the problem with the church.

It Was Very Different Back in the Day

This is in stark contrast to what we read happening in the book of Acts. God’s power would show up seemingly out of nowhere all the time. And that is what led to amazing things. Not human effort. A simple reading of the book of Acts reveals this.

It all started with the famous Acts 2, “Day of Pentecost” scene when a group of Christ-followers were huddling, or should we say hiding, when “suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house were the were sitting. They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled wit the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them.” Usually when those verses are read, everyone automatically jumps to their own denominational theological interpretation of what they mean. But regardless of which view you take on what exactly was happening, the bottom line is that God’s power blew into town seemingly out of nowhere, and before anybody could even figure out what had happened (“amazed and perplexed, they asked one another, ‘What does this mean?’”) three thousand people began Christ followers as a result. Three thousand people in one day! God’s power showed up and amazing things happened.

And it did not stop there. Those three thousand lived transformed lives. And I don’t just mean they sinned less. They changed their whole idea of living. They “devoted themselves to the apostles teaching and to fellowship to the breaking of bread, and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe and man wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common, selling their possession and good, they gave to everyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.”

Let me suggest that it is just as amazing, probably more amazing in fact, that these three thousand people changed their lifestyle like this than it was that they began Christ-followers on the same day. They got together, hung out, listened to their leaders, sold their extra stuff and gave the money away to those in need, met in each others’ homes and ate, hung out in larger groups in the temple courts, etc. All of this because God’s power blew into town seemingly out of nowhere.

Could it happen in our world today?

Over and Over in Acts

This story line is repeated over and over again in the book of Acts. The Jewish leaders persecute the Christ-followers, which forces them to separate from each other and scatter to other cities and other regions. But then God’s power shows up wherever they land, and communities of believers are born all over the ancient world.

A royal official from a then prosperous place called Ethiopia is riding a chariot, reading an Old Testament scroll, trying to figure out what the heck it is talking about, when suddenly God’s power blows in, this time in the form of a guy named Philip who is literally sent up to the chariot, and the next thing you know, an Ethiopian official becomes a Christ-follower. We don’t read the rest of the story, but the church is soon born in Ethiopia, one can bet. It all started when God mysteriously sent Philip to a chariot, and the mysteriously whisked him away afterwards.

A nasty, evil, savage church persecuter (who later called himself the worst of sinners) is on a mission to shut down a church and harm some Christ followers. As he travels on the course of this evil mission, the power of God blows in from seemingly nowhere in the form of a blinding light. The blinging light and the voice of God strikes the agent of evil. A few years later, after some supernatural training, this same guy shows up transformed into the greatest missionary of all time, and makes disciples and plants churches all the way from Jerusalem and Europe, sending the church on its eventual track west that will bring it to someday to the United States and, if we could trace our faith history back far enough, probably led to the eventual conversion of this author and of most of these readers. It all started when God’s power blew in unexpectedly through a blinding light from the sky.

A somewhat racist Christ-follower had a mysterious dream, trance, vision, something, one day when he got a little too hungry on a hot afternoon. Through that experience, God blew into town mysteriously and told the man to give up his racism and get the picture that God loves all people. At about the same time, a person of another race, who had been seeking God in his own incomplete way, got a mysterious gust of God’s power that prompted him to send for the recovering racist. The result was a Roman official’s household became a house church in a prominent Roman city, and the gospel again began to spread in an unexpected place. It all started when God’s power blew onto a rooftop unexpectedly and mysteriously.

A missionary team has a strategy mapped out and a trip planned. Then a vision in the night convinces them to go the opposite direction. I could go on and on.

The book of Acts is concentrated with stories of God’s power mysteriously and unexpectedly showing up, and the result being the church spreading and people becoming Christ followers. I could write about many more. Constantly, the power of God moved, and that led to church growth, church planting, and disciple-making, etc etc.

Where Did That Power Go?

That’s what we miss in today’s world. We have plenty of theology, plenty of strategy, plenty of methodology, but we could use some power from on high, some Pentecost wind, some instantaneous miraculous healings, some blinding lights from heaven, some dramatic rescues, some unexplained visions, some people mysteriously disappearing from the side of chariots, etc. We are missing the key ingredient to mission in our current existence.

We miss that power when it is not present.

More on this in the next post, including a true story from my years in Vegas that, sadly, illustrates what happens when that kind of power does NOT show up. I wish I knew why.

2009-08-08T19:20:00.004-04:00

Reflecting (On) What's Wrong, Part 17

A Spiritual Experience

I decided to move to Las Vegas at the beginning of 1999. But the decision really dated back to October of 1998. I had traveled from my home in New York to a conference in New Mexico. I met up with a few of my college friends who had already moved to Vegas. They were there with some others they had met since moving to Vegas. We hung out and renewed our friendship, which had become long-distance. I met for the first time some others from Vegas who would later become good friends. The conference was all about reaching Generation X and postmodern culture. Some of it was great. Some of it was so-so. But our time together was meaningful.

One evening, just before a main session started, the group from Las Vegas passed by where I was sitting and invited me to join them. They were ditching the session to go find a quiet corner to pray and process the conference. On a whim, I left with them and we searched out some quiet corner of the retreat center. What we found surprised us. The room we had been in for our main sessions was not the largest room at the complex. We stumbled across a larger room, which was really a formal sanctuary with ornate windows, an elaborate stage, and seating for hundreds. It had been closed off during our conference. We turned on some lights and ventured in. We made our way to the dimly light stage and began talking about various subjects. One person began playing the piano as the rest of us listened. After an hour or so of causal catching up and reflection, someone suggested we gather in a circle in pray. So we did. We ended up forming a circle in a different way that what I was used to. I’m not sure why. We all ended up laying down on our backs on the stage. Our heads were all centered into the circle, with our feet facing away from the circle. If you were looking down on us from the ceilend, then our heads would have formed circle. Again, there was no real reason or premeditation behind this, it is just what we did for some reasons. We began praying together, as we stared up at the ceiling in that beautiful dimly light New Mexico sanctuary, miles away from civilization. I can’t remember all of the details of the prayer time that followed. I don’t even remember how long it lasted, though I suspect it was much longer than I then realized. Probably at least a couple of hours. Something powerful happened. Something mysterious. We all had a very similar experience of the presence of God. Words on on a blog cannot describe it with any degree of accuracy. But it was powerful. It was real. It was a spiritual experience. God met us that night in that room. After the powerful prayer time ended, we all sat in quiet awe for another long period of time. Two or three would huddle together and talk about what had just happened. After an hour or so, we went out for a late night snack at a local restaurant and continued to process together what we had experienced. It was vibrant and life-giving and refreshing and real.

Trying to Capture the Experience on Paper

The next day I boarded an airplane to fly back to New York. Everyone else in the group boarded a van to drive back to Las Vegas. As the plane took off, I pulled out a spiral bound notebook and began writing, in detail, my memory of exactly what happened in that room that night. I wrote and wrote and wrote. The plane landed in Chicago. I made my connection to another flight onto New York. Again, I pulled out my notebook and continued writing everything I could remember about that experience. I did not want to lose any of it. I wanted to have it to share with my wife when I got back to New York. I wanted to have it to share years later with anyone who asked about it. I wanted to have it to read over and over and reflect on what happened, and try to figure out what it was and what it meant and how I might possibly experience something like it again someday. I filled page after page in that notebook as I recounted each detail of the experience.

Eventually, I was exhausted. I placed the spiral bound notebook in the pocket in the seat in front of me on the plane, and drifted off to sleep for the final portion of my flight. I awoke as we made our final descent into Laguardia Airport. I was excited as I thought about my wife, who I hadan’t seen in several days, greeting me at the airport. I couldn’t wait to go out to dinner with her and recount my experience and unpack what it meant together with her.

Left Behind

She greeted me at the end of the jetway. We walked together to the car as I began to explain what had happened. When we got to a restaurant, I reached into my carry on bag to pull out my notebook and share my experience with her. But it wasn’t there. I couldn’t believe it. I had left the notebook in the seat pocket on the airplane.

For those who don’t know me, this is very out of character for me. I have my faults, but this isn’t one of them. I don’t lose things very often at all. I don’t even consider taking out that insurance on a cell phone when I buy it, because I’ve never lost one. I can only think of once or twice in my life that I have lost my car keys, and they turned up pretty quickly both times. I just don’t normally lose things or leave things behind. I’m too detail oriented most of the time. But this time, in my excitement and exuberance over my spiritual experience, I had done just that. I left my notebook behind. And it contained my precious memories of a most profound experience.

I called the airline in a panic and explained what had happened. I told them the notebook was unreplaceable and must be found. I gave them my flight number and seat number and asked them to help. They said they would check with the plane cleaners and see if they found any such notebook. You probably can figure out what happened. I never heard back from the airline. And when I called back to check, nobody had turned in any spiral bound notebooks from that flight. It was never found.

Losing the Notebook Was Part of the Experience

Sure, I could have tried to rewrite it all. But it would have been hard to have reproduced the detail that I had while sitting uninterrupted on those flights. It would have taken some amazing concentration. Somehow I knew that losing the notebook was really part of the experience. I sensed that I really wasn’t supposed to have that notebook. I wasn’t really supposed to capture the details of that evening on paper and then read it over and over again and share it with everyone I knew and dissect it and examine it and work to figure it out. That is, of course, what I wanted to do. But I figured out pretty quickly that I wasn’t supposed to put this experience under a microscope and figure it out. It was what it was. It was an amazing gift. But it happened and it was over. It wasn’t to be figured out.

A few days later, I shared the experience with someone else I respected. He sat and listened attentively and respectfully, which I appreciated. I even threw in the part about losing the notebook, which he immediately understood as being totally out of character for me. His reaction was interesting. He just said he was very happy for me, because I had had a spiritual experience . . . I had met God through an experience, not through my intellect, for one of the few times in my life. He expressed how fortunate I was, because some people are never able to experience such a thing. I wasn’t so sure that was the reaction I was looking for, but looking back, it was a keen observation.

Even as I write these words, I wonder if my computer will soon crash and take away this rehashing of that night! I doubt it, though, because the details of the night have long faded from my memory and were not well described here.

I moved to Las Vegas in early 1999, partially as a result of that experience in New Mexico. I was already thinking about making such a move, but that experience seemed to confirm in some ways my contemplation of such a move.

Contrast to the Usual Days of the Journey

There have been no other nights in my life quite like that night in New Mexico. I can think of a few other experiences that were profound enough that I might put them in the category of spiritual experiences. But they can easily be counted on my fingers. There haven’t been many. In my next post, I'll contrast that experience with the "normal" and routine days of my spiritual journey to date.

2009-08-02T17:20:00.005-04:00

Reflecting (On) What's Wrong, Part 16

Recognizing the Problem

Always in a Hurry, Until . . .

Over eight years ago, I turned thirty years old. Turning thirty years old kind of freaked me out. I guess I still thought of myself as just barely being twenty. Then I was thirty. A few seconds after turning thirty, I was closer to being forty than being twenty. I am sure those who are much older than me are disgusted by me thinking this way about being thirty. But for me, this was the first time in my life that I found myself not being in a hurry to get to the next stage. When I was a kid in elementary school, I wanted to be older. I couldn’t wait to get to middle school. Then I couldn’t to get to high school. Then I couldn’t wait to drive a car. Then, once I could drive, I couln’t wait to go off to college and enjoy freedom. Then I got to college and thought how great it would be to have my own place and my own income. I couldn’t wait to get out. Then I couldn’t wait to get married. I was ready for that next stage. I couldn’t wait to move up to higher responsibility once I started working. I was always just dying to get to the next phase, from the time I was a little kid to the time I was, suddenly, turning thirty.

Now I wasn’t in a hurry any more. I wasn’t looking forward to being forty or fifty or sixty or seventy. And for some reason, once I didn’t care to get on to what was next, time finally started flying. How ironic.

Reflecting on My Need to Change

But I also had other anxieties attached to my thirtieth birthday. My life was in a place where I needed to change some things. Even though I had worked as a pastor and done many outward “good deeds” throughout my life, I was beginning to realize just how selfish I really was. My marriage could have been better if I wasn't so focused on receiving instead of giving. My friendships were good, but could have been much deeper if I were focused on giving instead of getting. Parenting made me aware of how little energy and attention I really could give away to someone else before I needed my own space and time to recharge. It was really a bit startling. Of course, ministry, was another such thing. To really succeed at it, I needed to be able to give lots and live quite selflessly. And I really believed that this was the Christ-like way to live: giving to my wife, my kids, my friends, my church. Giving my time, my energy, my attention, generously and without expecting to always get something back in return. I realized the selfish intentions behind even my “good acts” for the first thirty years of my life, and I decided with noblest intentions that the next thirty plus years of my life needed to be focused more on giving than taking. I was ready to embrace being an adult and start focusing every minute of every day on giving instead of taking.

But it didn’t work. Every year or so I would revisit those thoughts (usually right around my birthday) and re-commit to the same thing. As I write this, I’m thrity-eight. Although I am a more giving person than I was at age thrity, I am nowhere close to what I set out to do. I’m still selfish and can only give a very small percentage of my time, attention, and energy to those around me before I feel the need to do something to re-charge myself --- to get something!

The experiences I have just described are what led me to realize that the real problem with the church is me. Or, should I say, the problem with the church is us. I am not healthy. We are not healthy. I really cannot give myself away to others, at least not for long. I can preach and teach about taking up my cross, about laying down my life, about loving others at all costs. But in the end, its more rhetoric than it is reality.

Words of Wisdom

I shared this frustration of mine with a trusted mentor at one point in my early thirties. His answer surprised me. He already knew my dilemma. He told me that there is no way I can do it. I can’t give myself away like I wanted to with my second set of thirty years. He told me to focus on getting instead! But to focus on receiving from God, not from any other source. And that only then would I have the emotional, spiritual, and physical energy to ever become a more giving person. He shared with me in depth about this. It helped me relax and receive. Over time, relaxing and receiving made me a little more generous and giving. That was an interesting lesson to learn.

But I’m still humbled that I must admit that the road of my journey to find out what is wrong with the church has led to a mirror. I am what is wrong with the church. Sure, the church has generational problems. Sure it has cultural issues to sift through. Sure it has a huge theological problem in that it doesn’t even know who it is. But more central to its troubles is my own brokenness. And yours. And all of theirs. The problem with the church is me.

I have shared those thoughts on occasion when teaching or preaching. I always follow up my confession by inviting the audience to share in my blame. I tell them that if they are considering taking me out behind the building, hiring a hit man, and doing away with me in order to rid the earth of the church’s problems once and for all, that they should realize that I’m speaking on behalf of us all. I’m being a little bit falsely humble when I say the problem with the church is me. The problem is really us. My brokenness corrupts her. And yours. And all of ours, through space and time. We aren’t giving enough. We don’t give away our energy, our attention, our ability, our money, our love. And we can’t do it. We just are not that healthy.

As my trusted mentor instructed me, the same goes for us. We cannot do it. We cannot just force ourselves to be more giving, more generous, more loving. We have to focus on receiving, but on receiving from one source, the love of God. Only then will we relax and be healthy enough to gradually become more loving, more giving, more generous. Then maybe it won’t be quite so dramatically obvious that something is wrong with the church. Then maybe the world will notice more that something is right with the church. Maybe something -- something beyond my ability to conjure up -- will shine through and those who are really watching will notice.

Maybe then you and I -- and all the others who are the church, and then even some who are not just yet -- maybe then we will all find our way home.

2009-07-25T21:02:00.003-04:00

Reflecting (On) What's Wrong, Part 15

Family As Primary Image of Church, Continued

Many of the practical, how-to questions people ask about simplifying church can be answered best when we think of church in family terms instead of organizational terms. If we just think of church as family, then it isn’t so hard to figure out how to meet as church. Just do things the way family does things. Here come the examples.

“What do you do about money and finances and giving in simple church?"

The answer I’ve come to embrace is that we handle such things the same way a healthy family does. That means we live within our means. It also means that we do not overspend in order to indulge ourselves. We try to have something left in order to give away to meet the needs of others. This applies to both our time and our money. When it comes to meeting the needs of others, we meet the needs that God puts right in front our faces to the best of our ability with what God has given us. We do not go looking for some worthy far away cause that needs our money. But we do recognize real financial needs that present themselves to us in the course of everyday life. Much like a healthy family, simple churches talk openly and honestly about money. If we have financial problems, we discuss them. If someone in the family (either biological or spiritual family) is doing something to harm us financially, we have to speak the truth in love. We hold on to our possessions loosely and are always available to help meet needs. Yet we do not enable blatant waste by our generosity. All of this is similar to how healthy families operate with their finances.

“What do you do with kids in organic church?”

The answer really is, we do the same thing with our kids that healthy families do with their kids, which is that we readjust everything for our kids! Or, more accurately, we adjust almost everything to accommodate our kids. That is exactly what families do. Think about it.

Before we had children, my wife and I used to go on weekend trips at the drop of a hat. Every Friday night was date night – out to dinner, a movie, a game, etc. Then we would repeat the process on Saturday night, if we had the money to do so. Holidays and vacations were for going someplace fun and doing what we wanted. Life was care free and spontaneous. We could buy the things we wanted with a minimal amount of planning. We could use our free time to do what we liked doing with little pre-planning: going to concerts, going on overnight getaways, visiting friends.

Then it happened. We had our first kid. Eventually we would have two more. Now on a Friday night we had to adapt our routine. For the most part, we had to begin doing what the kids were doing. We plan our meals by considering what our kids will eat. If we do go out to a restaurant (sometimes it just is not worth the effort when you have kids along) we go to places where they will eat the food and where if they misbehave a little, we will not get kicked out of the establishment. We plan our weekends based on what the kids will be doing and what we can do with them. Their schedules dictate a lot of what we do. We wake up when they need our attention. We provide for their needs throughout the day and attend their activities and help them with their projects.

When I orginally wrote these thoughts down, I was on a plane heading on a family vacation. The packing, getting through airport security, last-minute snacking and going to the bathroom were all a bit more complicated because of the kids. But we gladly adjust. They are a huge focus in our life.

Don’t get me wrong. My wife and I long for and adore the trips we take without the kids. We can’t wait for the next one. Once every two or three weeks, we find a baby sitter or an unsuspecting relative to watch the kids so we can go out to dinner without them. And it is bliss. We also enjoy our time together in the evenings after they have fallen asleep.

We have changed our entire lives for our kids. Our lives, in many ways, revolve around them. And I would not have it any other way. It is great. We planned for this, and now we love it (most of the time). And when we get a little burned out on it, we plan a night out without them, or a weekend getaway without them, or (on rare blessed occasions) an extended trip without them. This is life. It is good.

If we really thought of church as family, then we would not be so likely to struggle with the question of what do we do with the kids. If we have kids, then as a church we should change what we do and how we meet to make it all about the kids. We should teach things that they can understand. We should sing songs they can sing. We should eat food they will eat. We should serve in ways in which they can participate. We should discuss what they need to discuss. We should pray with them, and even allow them to lead us in learning how to pray better. Honestly, what would be a better use for our church meeting time than to spend time investing in the spiritual growth of our kids!? What has happened to us that we so desperately need to ship our kids off to their own program during “church” so that we can get our own needs met? Once again, I am not trying to be overly critical – I too enjoy the kids-free time. But why, really, are we so unable to re-arrange our church existence so that it revolves around our kids in much the same way we re-arrange our family existence so that it resolves around our kids?

All of this is not to say that we do not need adult time. We do. Sometimes, just like my wife and I must get the babysitter and go out for an evening, or a weekend, or a week, sometimes we need adult time as church. We need to rely on someone to take the kids for awhile so we can have adult time and talk about adult things and be more intimate. Just like in a marriage.

I am just suggesting that those times should be the exceptions – the much anticipated once-in-a-whiles that woo us into bliss – instead of the normal way of operating. This calls for careful consideration and openness to radical change.

“How does leadership work in a house church?”

Once again, the question becomes much easier when taken in the family context instead of the organization context. In a healthy family there is leadership. It is called parenting. Those with more experience at this thing called life are the parents. They lead the family, so to speak. Those with less experience at this thing called life, the kids, follow the lead of the parents. At least that is how it works in a healthy family. As the kids grow older, they take on more leadership responsibilities. It all happens quite naturally. There is no magic moment when mom and dad are ceremoniously introduced as leaders of the family. There is no certificate on my wall authorizing me to be a dad. The very act of becoming parents dubs mom and dad as leaders. It is not really a positional form of leadership. It is more of a natural, relational form of leadership. Roles are defined by function, not by pre-appointment. The family does not operate by having meetings, nominating leaders, or voting on who will lead. Instead, those who have the experience – those who have spawned children – lead those who were birthed. In time, the young ones grow to a stage where they take on more responsibility. This is especially apparent in large families with many kids. The older kids end up acting as mini-parents helping take care of the younger children in such families.

When we understand family as the primary image of church, then leadership looks much more like parenting and less like positional leadership. Those who have more experience, and who have been actively involved in disciple-making and shepherding, naturally lead. Their leadership resembles parenting. Those with less experience are led for a period of time. Then they naturally take on more and more leadership responsibility. There is no need for meetings or a nominating processes or official votes. Those who naturally lead are recognized as the leaders. Those who are being parented follow.

Another way I like to describe it involves an analogy taken from driving a car. I like to say that it is easier to figure out who the leaders of a church are by “looking backward in the rear view mirror” than by “looking forward through the windshield.” In other words, leaders are identified by their actions, not by their titles. We look at what is currently happening or what has already happened to see who the leaders really are. This is like looking in the rear view mirror. But the organizational model of church has encouraged us to predict who is ready to lead, give them official titles, then tell them to go lead. This is like looking ahead through the windshield.

When we started our transition into house churches in Las Vegas, we initially set out to start three communities. We identified the potential leaders, and had them all attend a series of training meetings. This was windshield thinking on our part. We gave them titles. We “appointed” them as leaders. We were trying, with great intentions, to identify leaders by looking out ahead, through the windshield. Some of them turned out to be great leaders. Some of them did not.

But after a few months, we had totally changed our approach to simple church leadership. We started checking out the rear view mirror. We began looking at each community, seeing who was actually leading (parenting), and then recognizing who the actual leaders were. We were seeing leadership in the rear view mirror by looking at who was naturally and healthily parenting each community. It did not take long to realize, though, that there was not much need for us to even do that, because the people within each community knew who their leaders were without us putting our official stamp of approval on them. Just like in a household where a healthy family lives, everyone under the roof can tell you who the parents are. It is quite easy to recognize.

We have really complicated issues of leadership in the church. We have elders and deacons and pastors and teachers and apostles and prophets and ministers and missionaries and board members and elders emeritus and chairmen and on and on and on. Many of our titles are right out of the New Testament. Some others are borrowed from corporate America. Still others are words used in the Bible, but we have come to define them the way either corporate America does. In other words, for example, we may call someone by the Biblical word “pastor,” but we define his role the way corporate America defines a CEO. We may call a group of people “elders” or “deacons,” finding those terms in the New Testament, but then we define their roles the way that Corporate America defines boards or committees. Because we have bought into an organizational model for church, we find successful organizations and borrow their leadership structures and disguise them with New Testament titles.

We have also defined our church leaders’ roles by borrowing definitions from our government systems as well. For example, many churches have two different governing boards that act much like our Congress and Senate. Some churches call these the elders and the deacons. Some churches call these the management team and the operations team. Further, many churches also have an executive branch, so to speak, made up of paid clergy and other staff. Though we use Biblical titles, we have really borrowed from our government’s leadership structure and applied it to the church.

Even simple church gurus have come forth with ideas such as the “five-fold ministry,” which is the idea that apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers are the real leadership structure of the church.

I am not smart enough to figure all of that out. Or, maybe I should say, I’m not willing to take one of the numerous approaches that we have used and endorse it to the exclusion of the others. I was raised in one type of church that had a system of leadership that they claimed was based on the New Testament. Only later would I realize that other denominations claimed the same thing, but used the titles differently and organized their leadership differently. But they also had rather convincing proof texts to justify their leadership structures.

My reaction to this is to simplify it all. I prefer to divide all church leaders into two categories: stayers and goers. I am not trying to come up with new titles. I just think those two words describe the two kinds of church leaders I have observed. Stayers are the ones who parent within a single community, one house church. Goers are the ones who travel (whether within one country or among many countries) and start new churches and make new disciples. Of course, most goers act like stayers for awhile, and some stayers end up being goers at some point in their lives. But generally, some people are stayers and some people are goers. God seems to have provided for both kinds of leaders within the church. There are many ways to label these two kinds of leaders. The purpose of this book is not to endorse any one set of titles. Some call the goers apostles and prophets and call the stayers pastors and teachers. Others call the goers missionaries and the stayers pastors and elders. Each group of Christians has labeled it in their own way. The real key, though, is the function of leadership that these people peform. The stayers, to me, are like parents and are easiest identified through familial language. But even the goers are parents in a way. They just tend to spend much more time with extended family than with immediate family.

The real issue in all of this is health. When the church is healthy, it functions much like family does when it is healthy. But even that is a vague description. When it comes to family, we all are related, really. No matter who you, the reader, are, if you traced back your family tree through enough generations, and then traced back my family tree through enough generations, you would find that you and I are related. Really. And it probably would not go back as many generations as you would or I would think in many cases. Yet you do not likely think of me as family. You think of people such as your spouse, your kids, your parents, and your siblings as family. Or, if you do not have any biological family, perhaps you think of some other group of close people as your family. You might have found a community of people who have become your substitute family. And if you do not even have that, chances are you wish you did, and that you will keep searching until you find it.

So it is with the church. You are part of the church universal. In that sense, you are related, so to speak, with the Apostle Paul, and Mother Teresa, and me, and the Catholic down the street, and the mainliner across town, and the evangelical next door, and the Christ-follower across the globe. Family is really quite large. On the other hand, you think of church as the people with whom you experience intimate community. That is where life happens, growth happens, parenting happens, and all the defining moments take place. Just like within our biological families of origin we learned how to function, talk, read, write, use the bathroom, bathe, eat, think, and function. Church is family, both in the relational sense, and also in the extended sense.

We can’t really understand how it all works without this imagery of family. If we have an idea of what healthy family is like, which we all do to varying degrees, then we have an idea of what healthy church is like. And vice versa.

"How does the church grow?"

In a family, growth will happen if there is health. This is true both within the individual and within the community. The family unit grows larger if its members are biologically healthy. Literally. A man and woman fall in love, commit to each other, and a new family unit (or sub-unit) is started. The forces of nature will eventually take over, assuming both man and woman are physically and emotionally healthy, and a third person will come into being. And it happens naturally. The forces of nature will make the two do what they have to do to become three. You do not have to convince them or encourage them. They won’t be able to help themselves, if all is healthy. They will do their part. And, if all is healthy, the forces of nature will not just make for some really good times. There will be fruit of the labor in time: a child. The family will grow naturally. You cannot stop it if everyone is healthy. You would be fighting an uphill battle to keep it from happening. That’s why the earth is full of people.

It does take time though. A newborn baby will multiply eventually. But not overnight. You have to wait for the baby to grow through infancy, through the toddler stages, through the childhood years, and through adolescence. But puberty comes naturally. Then pairing up happens more or less all on its own. And though it takes twenty or thirty years normally, a baby will eventually reproduce itself without anyone forcing it too! If all is healthy, that is. And this kind of growth is all that was necessary to literally populate the earth over a period of time.

Church growth is really the same. It is a natural by-product of health. It doesn’t necessarily happen overnight. A healthy spiritual baby may not multiply right way, though sometimes the gestation period is much quicker than we would think. Healthy disciples multiply naturally when the time is right. Healthy churches multiply naturally when the time is right. Nobody can stop it from happening if all is healthy. It would be like trying to stop the twenty-something bride and groom from doing what comes natural when they go to bed together at night. Good luck!

If this isn’t what is happening in the church, then health is the real problem. Just like a person who is having fertility problems is the church that never grows. Yet history teaches this has not been the problem all that often. The church has grown from 120 in the early pages of the book of Acts to hundreds of millions today. And I would suggest that this growth has been from natural multiplication among somewhat healthy disciples over the years. You just cannot stop it, no matter what you try.

2009-07-11T17:09:00.005-04:00

Reflecting (On) What's Wrong, Part 14

Recognizing Family As the Primary Image of Church

I lived the first eighteen years of my life on planet Earth with my mom, my dad, and, for the last fourteen of those eighteen, my younger brother. We also had a couple of dogs, a cat, and some goldfish along the way. As a child I got to know four uncles, four aunts, and seven cousins. I was fortunate to know all four of my grandparents during my growing up years. On rare occasion, I met second cousins, great aunts and great uncles, and a few people who were related but nobody was able to explain exactly how. I think they may have been something with “twice removed” in the title, or as Clark Griswold says in the movie Christmas Vacation, “my cousin-in-law.” At any rate, I grew up in a family of four, but I had regular contact with a family of a few dozen, and rare contact with a few dozen more. I suspect that is how it is for a lot of people. That was family. It had its golden moments, it had its difficult moments, but mostly it had its ordinary moments. All in all, it was a good thing.

Now I’m married and have three kids of my own. We moved from Las Vegas to the northern suburbs of Indianapolis a few years ago, mainly in order to allow our kids to know a similar experience of family as we had known growing up. We wanted them to know their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and yes, even to meet their cousins-in-law twice-removed-type relatives. It is important to understanding life. And I have come to believe that it is also an important aspect of our understanding of church.

If Not "Place Where," Then What?

Instead of just criticizing the non-profit organization assumption for what church is, I would like to propose a different assumption for what church is like. Actually, I’m not proposing this assumption at all. Instead, it is found throughout the New Testament. But it is one of those things that is so obvious that it is hidden, a literal example of not being able to see the forest for the trees.

The concept I am talking about can be stated this way: family is the primary image of church. What I mean is, the New Testament is full of familial terms used to describe church. Therefore, we should start thinking of church being more like a family (both nuclear and extended) and less like an organization.

Brother & Sister

The most obvious example of familial language being used by the church is the whole idea of Christ-followers often refer to each other as “brother” and “sister.” Though this language has taken on a slightly different connotation in the church of today, it is rooted in language straight from the New Testament by which the church was modeled after healthy family (see, for example, Romans 14:21, 1 Corinthians 8:13, Philemon 16, James 2:15-16, 1 John 2:9-11, 1 Timothy 5:1-2, among many others).

Father & Child

The New Testament is full of familial imagery. For example, God is referred to as our father to whom we cry out. We are described as God’s children in the kingdom (“You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus . . .” Galatians 3:26).

But Paul takes it one step farther when he uses the image of a father to describe his relationship with those who he is leading toward Christ: “I am not writing this to shame you, but to warn you, as my dear children. Even though you have ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. Therefore I urge you to imitate me.” 1 Corinthians 4:14-15. Even more surprising, perhaps, is that Paul uses the image of a mother to describe his relationship with those who he is leading toward Christ! He writes: “As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you, but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children.” 1 Thessalonians 2:6b-7.

Paul used father/son imagery to describe his relationship with Timothy. We often think of this today as a mentoring relationship, but mentoring is really a watering down of the powerful, and perhaps for many uncomfortable, image of father and son.

The Single Greatest Change We Could Make

I would like to make a bold assertion. I believe that the single greatest change the church should make in order to better understand who it is would be to replace all “corporate” language and imagery with “family” language and imagery. God chose to describe the church (His bride!) by family language, not by corporate language. While the corporate language we use may seem innocent enough, and may in fact be most useful in helping us make the church organization more efficient and more effective, it also has distorted our understanding of who we are to the point that we are sometimes uncomfortable when family language is used.

The Problem of Dysfunctional Families

Perhaps the reason why we are uncomfortable is because so many people have experienced dysfunctional families. Just like I am convinced that Father is the primary image by which we can understand God, that is difficult for many people to hear because they have had such poor relationship with their biological fathers that the idea of God as Father is, at best, an empty concept or, at worst, a downright frightening and unattractive idea.

Likewise, the idea of family as the primary image by which we understand church is difficult for those who come from dysfunctional families. And we all come from partially dysfunctional families, after all! Yet some people come from extremely dysfunctional families where abuse or neglect overshadowed everything else. For them, the family image for church may ring hollow or may be downright repulsive.

Redeeming the Imagery of Family

But the family image, though initially empty or unattractive, must be given its due. It must be allowed to redeem the concept of family, and for many, give a primary experience of family that was never received in the biological family. I believe God designed it so that we would first experience loving family with our parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, and then take what we learned there and apply it in the context of spiritual family (church). Yet in a world marked by dysfunctional families, it often has to work in the opposite order. In other words, many people now need to experience healthy spiritual family (church) that can model for them what family really is all about. The church needs to help redeem the concept of family for people so that those people can break free from the chains of unhealthy family life and be equipped to transform their biological families into healthy functioning communities.

2009-07-04T15:28:00.002-04:00

Reflecting (On) What's Wrong

(Part Thirteen of an ongoing series. Started below. This post related to last post.)

More Thoughts on Reducing Church to Its Relational Essence

As I reflect on the experience I had with the house church described in my last post, I realize that the word “church” is really just plural for term “Christ follower.” Let me explain what I mean. I am using the term “Christ follower” on purpose, though some might say instead that church is plural for “Christian” or plural for “disciple.” The term “Christian” is so broad and has come to mean any person who considers himself a member of the world religion called “Christianity.” That is not what I am referring to, so in order to be clear, I am not using the word “Christian.” The word “disciple” is more accurate of what I am talking about, but that word can also be confusing because it is used in the Bible to refer to the few chosen ones who followed Jesus while He was physically present on the earth. To avoid confusion, I am not using that word either. For the sake of clarity, chose the term “Christ-follower.” Church is really plural for Christ-follower. As a result of my experience of seeing a house church go through a wonderful metamorphosis, I now believe that “church,” in its simplest form, is nothing more than plural for Christ follower.

Church Relational . . . Plural for Christ-Follower

In previous posts, I referred to the “church universal” and the “relational church” as the two ways in which I believe God sees His church. I am referring to the relational church when I say that church is plural for Christ follower.

Why do I embrace this definition of church? I do so because it helps us understand some wonderful realities about the church that are often hidden from us. I think we already understand that a Christ follower is not primarily defined mainly by what he or she does. Instead, we understand that one is identified as a Christ follower by who he or she is. Or, stated more accurately, we understand that one is identified as a Christ follower by whose he or she is or, in other words, to whom he or she belongs. This is because we Christ followers are not perfect, sinless people. Sometimes what we do would not properly fit within the definition of Christ follower. But we still are Christ followers despite our inadequacies. It is because of His love that we are Christ followers, not because of we do the right things all of the time. We are Christ followers primarily because of who/whose we are, not primarily because of what we do.

As It Is In the Singular . . .

So, when I am praying, serving, worshipping, studying the Bible, or using my spiritual gifts (“doing” things), I am a Christ follower. It is obvious. But the reality is that I am still a Christ follower when I am watching TV, driving my car, eating my lunch, mowing my lawn, or getting dressed in the morning. And I don’t mean that if I am being a good little witness when I am mowing my lawn then I am a Christ follower. I am one regardless. I am a Christ follower even if I am grumpy and rude while I am mowing my lawn. The identity of being a Christ follower does not come from my particular activity at a given time, but it comes from who I am, or more accurately, whose I am. I am His. Of course, our actions will be transformed as we follow Him, but that still does not mean that we are Christ followers because we do certain things.

I have long understood this. This is good theology about the grace of God being what really saves us, not our own goodness. I think many have come to understand this about the meaning of being a Christ follower.

. . . So It Is In the Plural

Now let’s take the idea and apply it to the plural of Christ follower – church. Something amazing happens to our perception if we come to understand church as plural for Christ follower – assuming that we understand that a Christ follower is primarily because of who/whose we are, not because of what we do.

Now we define church by who/whose it is, not by what it is doing at any given moment. This is a critical and life-changing realization.

When we are worshipping, serving, studying, using our spiritual gifts (“doing” things), we are the church (plural for Christ follower). But also, when we are playing games, watching TV, eating a meal, or doing any other mundane life activity together, we are the church (plural for Christ follower).

For some reason, in our culture it is much more difficult for us to understand this theological point when we are talking about church than it is when we are talking about a single Christ follower.

We are a people. We are not defined by the activities and programs in which we participate. We are primarily defined by whose we are. We are the church when more than one Christ follower comes together. Just as I don’t cease being a Christ follower at the moment I close my Bible and start brushing my teeth, we don’t cease being the church at the moment we close a time of worship and go out to dinner together.

Why is it more difficult to accept this is true when we are discussing Christ followers in the plural (“church”) instead of in the singular?

It's That "Place Where" Assumption Again

It goes back to our cultural assumption that church is a “place where” certain things happen. It goes back to the subtle reality that we act as if church is really a non-profit organization. It goes back to the fact that when we look out and see church, we see boxes, not the glow of kingdom community.

As others have put it, church is more like an organism than an organization.

Infectious Diseases Versus Broken Bones

Or, as I once crudely put it, if church were an ailment (which it isn’t, I am just making a crude analogy) . . . If church were an ailment, it would be more like an infectious disease than a broken bone. Broken bones are abrupt ailments. They can be readily detected by an X-ray exam. They can be splinted or placed in a cast. Sometimes, they must be repaired surgically. I have watched enough cable TV medical specials to know that surgeons use tools made by Black and Decker to repair fractured bones. There is nothing subtle about the process. After a while, if properly treated, broken bones grow back together. A doctor can take a subsequent X-ray and determine whether the bone is healed. It is, relatively speaking, easy to define the existence of a broken bone. There are tests that show exactly if a bone is broken, exactly where the break is located, and whether or not the break has healed. And it takes a blunt force of some kind to cause a bone to brake. We usually know exactly when and how a bone gets broken.

Infectious diseases are much different brands of ailments. We usually have no idea when or how we contracted an infectious disease. Even if we figure it out later, we are never aware of it at the exact moment it is happening. Infectious diseases are more tricky to identify. We usually discover them based on their symptoms, not based on an X-ray showing some abrupt change in our bodies. Pain, or loss of some bodily fluid, or increased white blood cell counts, or some other indicator leads us (or our doctor) to suspect that we have been infected by such a disease.

And these diseases are frequently contagious. They pass from person to person, until an entire nation is impacted. This is quite different from a broken bone, which never spreads. It comes from a sudden, identifiable impact, while an infectious disease passes unnoticed from person to person. It can multiply rapidly.

When we see the church by seeing boxes, it is kind of like looking at a blunt impact, then looking at an X-ray of the affected area, in order to determine the ailment. What if we saw it more like an infectious disease that quickly passes from one person to the next, yet at a glance remains invisible to the naked eye? How powerful it would be if we could see the church for what it really is! Just like what power we would have medically if we could look at people and see infectious disease as it spreads!

If only we had understood church as plural for Christ follower, or as more like an infectious disease, at the time we stared our first house churches in Las Vegas, then we wouldn’t have taken our broken bone version of church and shrunk it down to a living room size. But, by God’s grace, the disease eventually spread even in spite of our bone-headed behavior! We were his church all along, even though we didn’t understand it.

2009-06-28T10:52:00.003-04:00

Reflecting (On) What's Wrong

(Part Twelve of an ongoing series. It start down below and works its way up)

Reducing Church to Its Relational Essence, Revisited

In Las Vegas, we discovered that the church had a theological problem, that it did not live out what church really was, but was stuck within the non-profit organization model, or the “place where” assumption.

After six months of praying and discussing that, we decided to de-centralize our “church” into a network of house churches, a community made up of smaller communities.

Yet we really did not understand how to do that. We were convinced that, for us, it was the right thing to do. We were inspired by other groups who had done this. We had sought their counsel. We had, as church leaders, prayed together for over six months about our decision. We had discussed, argued, and struggled about decentralizing our church until we were convinced that this was what we were supposed to do.

Honey, We Shrunk the Church

So we started down the road to decentralization. We did so the best way we knew. What we did was that we took what we know as church and “shrunk” it down to living room size. Only years later when I reflected on that time would I realize that we had merely shrunk our flawed idea of church down to a smaller version. At the time, we were just doing what we felt we were called to do.

When I say that we shrunk the church, I mean that quite literally. Previously, our church services consisted of preaching, worship singing, communion, and the taking of an offering. Some variation of that pattern was our weekly routine. So, when we launched out to decentralize our church and begin meeting it homes, we took that same weekly routine and shrunk it. Our only idea of how to do house church gatherings was to take the same elements that we used to do in larger worship gatherings and do them smaller. I think that was a tragic mistake, but the truth is that we just did not know any better.

The Shrinking of the Sermon

We just assumed there should be something similar to preaching. So we shrunk the sermon down to living room size, and it came out as a Bible study discussion. That discussion was usually led by the most Biblically literate person in the room, who was sort of like a shrunk-down version of a preacher.

The Shrinking of Worship

We also assumed there should be something similar to the worship singing we did in our larger gatherings. At those larger gatherings a worship band would lead singing with the assistance of a Powerpoint presentation displaying the words to the songs. So we shrunk down the concept of a worship band leading singing by Powerpoint, and it came out as an individual strumming a guitar, leading choruses with the assistance off of song sheets. Some house churches were particularly clever and had someone also playing hand drums – a shrunk-down version of the worship band drummer! We even developed a house church start-up kit that included, among other things, a set of hand drums that could be played by a shrunk-down drummer! I am not saying that this was a total waste of effort, but when I look back on it, we were misguided in our well-intentioned efforts to shrink church down to living room size.

The Shrinking of the Offering

Of course, we also had to figure out how to collect the offering since, after all, passing the offering plate was unmistakably part of our larger worship gatherings. So we shrunk down the idea of passing the offering plate, and it came out as a designated jar cleverly placed somewhere in the living room for the purpose of tithing. We even developed procedures for house churches to use in sending portions of that money into the church office so we could ensure we could afford to keep the operation running.

I could keep going with more humorous examples of how, in the early days of our decentralization process, we just took everything we had known as church, shrunk it down from auditorium size to living room size, and called it “house church.”

How Dare We Not Provide Excellence

The problem we encountered with our shrinking efforts was that the shrinking often lessened the quality, or as church folks like to call it these days, the “excellence” of what we were doing. Not every Bible study discussion leader was as entertaining as our large gathering speaker. Not every house church guitar strummer was as musically gifted as our large gathering worship band leader. And so on. We quickly learned that a lot of the people in our “church” were really coming because they liked the quality of what was happening in the larger gathering. To say the least, they were not happy when the shrinking down meant that the quality diminished.

We found out people really liked our best preacher’s entertaining teaching much better than their house church leader’s teaching. We found out our people really liked our professional sounding worship band much better than whoever could play a little guitar at their house church. We found out because many people complained. Initially they used words to make their complaints known. But ultimately many of those people used their actions to make their complaints known . . . they left our cleverly decentralized church and went out to find another non-decentralized church that had high quality programming.

As many people left in search of the quality they were missing, some of our house churches did not survive. Within a few months, some communities simply disappeared. Other house churches merely dwindled down to a few remaining core people who had no intentions of leaving. For them, it was somewhat disillusioning that so many other were abandoning them. They struggled to figure out what this meant and what they should do about it. For example, the house church that my family and I were part of had quickly grown to more than thirty people in attendance in its early days. Because it had grown so rapidly, we needed more space. So we converted our host family’s garage into a meeting room in order to accommodate everyone. I guess you could say we shrunk down the idea of an auditorium/sanctuary, and it came out as a converted garage. But due to the lessend quality, many of those thirty people soon left seeking more excellent pastures. After the dissenters left to go find the quality programs they were missing, we were left with just a few families. We were in shock. We could not understand why people would give up on our wonderful decentralization experiment. After all, we had re-modeled a garage for those people, and now they were gone!

Goodbye Garage -- Letting the Cars & Mowers Have Their Place Back

I remember the week we decided not to go out to the garage. There was no longer any reason to do so. A few families can hang out in a house quite comfortably without resorting to hanging out in the place where cars and bicycles belong. So one week we gave up on meeting in the garage and decided to just sit at the kitchen table together and eat a meal. After cooking, eating, and cleaning up, we decided to retire to the living room for a very informal meeting time. We all fit quite comfortably in the living room as well.

As we sat and talked in the living room, many of us thought that week was the beginning of the end for our house church. Little did we know how that week was really the beginning. That week when we convened in the place where real human interaction occurs instead of meeting in the place where work benches and lawn mowers belong, we began to discovery what “house church” was really all about. That evening we quite unsuspectingly began the metamorphosis from being a “thing” to being a “family.” I don’t remember exactly how it happened, but I remember that we began gathering each week in the kitchen to prepare a meal together. That’s right, we cooked food together and called it “church.” Then we did what came natural. We ate that same food. And we called it “church.” Then, because we really appreciated our host family opening up their home to us, we did the next thing that seemed natural. We cleaned up the kitchen together. And we called it “church.” As we cooked, ate, and cleaned together, we really got to know each other more intimately. Somewhere between the stove and the kitchen sink and the refrigerator and the kitchen table, we began to trust each other. We began to care about each other. We began to love each other. We started hurting together when one of us was hurting. We started celebrating together when one of us succeeded. We started finding out what really mattered in each others’ lives.

There was no longer a set time when our meetings had to end. Back when we met in the garage, we would automatically get up to leave at the set time when “church” was supposed to be finished. No longer. People showed up as they were able, and people left when they needed to go. The rigid start time and finish time we had once adhered to became only vague reference points for when we, as the church, would gather together.

In fact, we found ourselves finding ways to get together more often than just for our official weekly meeting time. There was no guilt involved. Nobody felt compelled to meet more often. Nobody felt like it was another obligation to add to their weekly schedules. It just happened naturally because a group of people found more meaning in sharing their lives together than they did in many of the other activities that formerly cluttered their schedules.

We went on a few weekend getaway trips together. When someone’s father died, we bonded together and helped him through. We laughed together. We cried together. One guy and one girl fell in love with each other. We all got to be involved in their eventual wedding. All of us became a tight-knit family, in Christ’s name.

This all started happening on the night when we feared our house church had begun to die. It had not. It was only being born that night. Our hosts also got to move their car back into the garage.

Other Garage Abandoners Were Out There, Too

Later we learned that a handful of other house churches in our “network of house churches,” as we had begun calling ourselves, were experiencing something very similar. As the masses left those house churches in search of more programmed pastures, the few remaining families in those house churches also gave up on the set order of service and started being the church together instead of trying to do church. As we compared notes with those other house churches which had gone through a similar metamorphosis as we had, we discovered a common thread: as a general rule, the people that stayed together for at least six months went through this wonderful metamorphosis and became families – real living communities – spontaneously living out the one another commands of the New Testament. They had transformed from things into families. They had gone from being little organizations to living organisms. Sadly, though, most of those house churches who gave up meeting together before six months had passed were never able to go through this wonder transformation.

We ended up not needing most of those hand drums, after all! But seriously, more refections on all of this will be in the next post.

2009-06-14T21:42:00.002-04:00

Reflecting (On) What's Wrong

(Part Eleven of an ongoing series. Started long ago, way down below)

Releasing Ourselves from Labels

Words of M. Scott Peck deeply effected me when he wrote about living with the tension between two polar opposites.

If you want to think with integrity, and are willing to bear the pain involved, you will inevitably encounter paradox . . . . If a concept is paradoxical, that in itself should suggest that it smacks of integrity and has the ring of truth. Coversely, if a concept is not in the least paradoxical, you may suspect that it has failed to integrate some aspect of the whole . . . .
If no pieces of reality are missing from the picture, if all the dimensions are integrated, you will probably be confronted by a paradox. When you get to the root of things, virtually all truth is paradoxical. The truth is, for example, that I am and I am not an individual. Thus to seek the truth involves an integration of things that seem to be separate and look like opposites when, in reality, they are intertwined and related in some ways. Reality itself is paradoxical, in that while many things in and about life seem simple on the surface, they are often complex – although not always complicated . . . .
To understand paradox ultimately means being able to grasp two contradictory concepts in one’s mind without going crazy . . .

The Road Less Traveleled & Beyond, M. Scott Peck, pp. 59-60 (emphasis added).

Lest we worry that embracing paradox as truth is somehow un-Christian, remember that Jesus Himself spoke of paradox as being truth: “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it,” Matthew 10:39; “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it,.” Matthew 16: 25. Paradox rings true in the Old Testament as well:

There is a time for everything and a seas for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, aa time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Of course, sometimes polar opposites are just polar opposites (good and evil). But we tend to divide so many things into polar opposites, embrace one of those opposites, and then define our lives by that extreme. It makes life easier because we can say we are “for” this list of things, yet “against” this list of things. Everything is easy because everything is black and white and easy to define. Yet life isn’t really so simple.

I have come to believe that part of our freedom in Christ is the freedom to embrace certain polar opposites and live in the healthy, yet difficult, tension between the two. It is the more honest and integrity-filled way to live.

Limited by Labels

And it has dramatic implication for us as Christ followers. We are accustomed to so many labels.

I grew up Protestant. Being Protestant made things so easy. It meant that I was automatically for everything that Protestants were for and be against everything that Catholics were for. It was a black and white that was just a given. Yet I no longer embrace this false dichotomy.

I grew up Evangelical. That means we were the kind of Protestants that weren’t liberal, or socially conscious. That meant that I was automatically for certain things, and, once again, automatically against certain things. It was black and white with lots of good proof texts to establish why. It was almost as if those other protestants were not even real Christians or something. That made it easier. Yet I no longer embrace that false dichotomy, either.

I grew up in the Christian Church, which is the non-denominational denomination. I think that means we are non-denominational, or un-denominational, yet in so being, we became quite denominational. Or something. There is much to like about this group. And being a member of this . . . group made things so easy. It meant that I was automatically for a certain set of theological tenants, which were just right, and it meant I was automatically against certain other sets of theological tenants. We knew exactly why we were different than the other evangelical denominations. It was black and white. Although this group of people are my spiritual heritage, which I respect, I no longer embrace that false dichotomy either.

And once I came to see that these were false dichotomies, it changed everything. Once I saw that there were some aspects of the Catholocism that were right on, or some aspects of socially responsible denominations that were right in line with what Jesus taught and did, or the beliefs of some other evangelical denominations were just as based on a proof text as the beliefs of my own heritage; once I saw that my own spiritual background had flaws and strengths, just like the other groups had differing flaws and differing strengths, I became free to let go of the labels and false dichotomies and to be a Christ-follower without labels. I no longer considered myself Catholic or Protestant, and yet at the same time I considered myself both. I no longer considered myself evangelical or main line, yet I felt the freedom to be both. I no longer considered myself “Christian Church,” yet at the same time I felt fee to be in unity with those of a variety of denominations.

What's the Deal With Church Membership?

What clouded this all from my eyes for many years was the whole idea of church membership. Since I had always been a member of a church, it was impossible to see how I could be in unity with other Christians, in a real sense, because I was a member of a certain kind of church. But my long journey through what was wrong with the church caused me to examine the whole idea of church membership.

I’ll tell you that story to explain how I arrived at my theory. In the mid 1990’s we launched Apex as a church-within-a-larger-church in Las Vegas to reach a younger generation. Eventually, we became independent of our mother church, with their blessing, and de-centralized into a network of simple house churches. Amid all of that transition, we had to wrestle with and figure out what the process was for becoming a member of Apex. After all, churches had members, we were a church, or group of churches, or something, at least as we understood it at the time, so we assumed we had to have church membership. Yet we had to figure out what it meant to be a “member” of a church in our unique situation. So we began to think, pray, and study what church membership really was all about.

We were initially shocked by what we learned. Church membership was another “non-profit” organization idea, really. You join a club or an organization. So, since church had adopted the “place where” assumption discussed above and understood itself primarily as a non-profit organization, it understood church membership as membership in the organization. One became a member by doing certain things, jumping through certain hoops, to “sign up” for membership. It really isn’t that different from becoming a member of any other organization.

At the Y.M.C.A.

For example, one morning I looked into what it would take for my family to join the local YMCA. To join, we had to fill out a form, agree to abide by some policies, and pay certain membership fees. Then we would be members of the YMCA. Joining a church really isn’t all that different if we are honest about it. In many churches, one attends a class or goes through some other similar process to learn what the beliefs and purposes of the organization are. Then one does whatever is necessary to adhere to those beliefs (get baptized or re-baptized, make a public profession of faith, get affirmed, etc.) and, in some kinds of churches, sign an agreement to do certain things, then one becomes a member. Though dues may not be collected, giving money is usually among the expectations.

There is nothing bad in and of itself of this process to become a member. It’s just that it is really organizational-centered thinking. There isn’t any New Testament precedent for such a process. We discovered this as we tried to figure out what it meant to become a member of Apex. And we were shocked by our discovery. We came to the conclusion that church membership, from a theological point of view, was really about being a member of the Universal church, which is ultimately a determination that only God makes, though He certainly may allow us to be involved in it.

Church Membership Back in the Day

The church in the New Testament was often referred to as the church at so and so’s house, or even more often than that, the church in such and such city (which assumedly was made up of a number of house churches). To be a member of the church, which was not language that was even used, would have meant to be involved in the relational communities that were known as the church in a given community. We endeavored to apply that to our understanding of “church membership” at Apex.

What we concluded was that membership was not an official list to be kept in a church office. To be a member of Apex meant to be in real relational community with others who were following Christ. It meant to be involved in one of the “house churches.” And since we are not God, and we don’t make the ultimate determination of who is “saved” or who isn’t, we really determined that we don’t draw an exact line of who is or who isn’t a member of the universal church.

We decided that each house church knew who its “members” were based on who was following Christ together in relational community, and that those members, though difficult to list on an official list at any given moment, were in fact the members of Apex.

This worked quite well since we didn’t vote as a whole on anything (which is one of the reasons that non-profit organizations have membership roles to begin with). We made decisions by consensus at various levels, within our house churches, and occasionally, by our elders for decisions of the network as a whole. There were never any all-member votes, and yet our members, in one way or another, made almost every decision, at least in the days after our de-centralization was complete.

This explains how I arrived at my view of church membership. It is a misleading term that really isn’t needed. Yet I think we redeemed the term in many ways to mean those who are part of the church universal who are actively expressing the church relational.

One Step Further

But to take it further, I consider myself to be a part (even if not an officially recognized member) of every denomination and every “church.” If I am in fellowship with all true believers of Christ, then I am really a member of the same body they are. I am free to worship with and unite with Catholics, Protestants, evangelicals, main-liners, of all denominational stripes, on any given Sunday. Yet usually I don’t, because I am instead meeting in relational community with other Christ followers who have also abandoned such labels. We must, of course, be careful lest we become, in our simple house church meetings, yet another “kind of Christian,” another division within the divisions. Yet we really don’t think of ourselves that way. We are members of all the other groups, not members of some new group. We are free to move in and among all others, if they will have us. We are “members’ of the church universal as we express this by being the church relational.

The labels fade as we focus on following Christ together. We become known for what we are for, not for what we are against.

Church history teaches that this is exactly how many well-intended groups of people began, only to solidify into denominationalism. Perhaps only God working through His people will be able to put an end to division within the body, which seems to be happening already as denominational labels, though still present, seem to be less and less meaningful than they were in previous generations.

So I am free to follow Christ. I am catholic in that I am part of the Church universal, but not in the more limiting sense. I am protestant in that I protest against theological error both in belief in practice, but not in the more limiting sense. I am evangelical in that I aspire to proclaim the gospel to all peoples, but not in the more limiting sense. I am mainline in the sense that I take the whole gospel to the whole person and serve the needs of the poor and oppressed locally and globally, but not in the more limiting sense. And on and on.

And it is difficult to live in the tension between the polar opposites. And it feels free and like the only way to really live.

2009-06-10T20:25:00.003-04:00

Reflecting (On) What's Wrong

(Part Ten of an ongoing series. Started long ago, way down below)

Restructuring Life

I attended law school at the University of Nevada Las Vegas (UNLV) as part of a part-time program. The part-time program was designed to allow working people to also go to law school. Instead of being a full-time law student for three years, attending a regular nine-month academic calendar, this program allowed me to stretch the experience over four years, going to school year-round, including summers. What nobody tells you beforehand is that law school is so demanding that it really should be stretched out over four full-time years anyway, because the three-year program turns people into crazy freaks for the first year, until the ones who survive find ways to take shortcuts and make the last two years tolerable. Before I registered for law school, I knew it was a difficult course in study. I knew that the Juris Doctorate degree was once of more difficult decrees to attain. But until I started on the course of study myself, I had no idea how rigorous the academic experience would really be.

Doing Too Many Things At Once

During those four years of law school, I continued to be a pastor, at least in some sense of the word. What I really did for a living is that I was the “pastor” of a network of house churches. I was paid part-time to do the “job” that used to be done by a full-time staff of five people – when we were centralized and program-driven church. I also was married, and had one kid when I started law school, and two kids when I finished.

During those four years of law school my life was hectic like never before. I was a pastor, a law student, a father, and a husband, all at once. Interestingly, I found that I could do all of it if I made one major change midway through my first year of law school. That major change had to do with my office location. My church office and my home had been located on the northwest side of Las Vegas. UNLV was on the near southeast side of Las Vegas. I found myself frustrated at the end of each day saying, “I could do all of this if I didn’t waste so much time in the car.” I was in a position where I literally could not waste two hours a day driving from one thing to the next. I dreamed of how much easier my life would be if I could regain those ten hours or so each week.

A Change That Allowed Me to "Be" More, Not Do More

This issue was such a major concern in my life that I devised a plan, shared it with my wife, and we decided to take decisive and dramatic action. Without much time for planning, we sold our house and moved to a neighborhood much closer to UNLV. And that was only the beginning. I also moved my office out of our strip mall office location in the northwest side of Las Vegas and moved my office, necessary equipment, books, files, and all, into my home. And the decision to move everything into one central location – my home -- radically changed everything in my life for the better.

Based on an absolute scheduling necessity, I rearranged my life to be completely home-based. My work office was now in my home. I spent hours each week studying the law out of my home. Obviously, my family life was centered right there in my home. But I did not stop there. I started hosting many of the church meetings that were required for my job right there in my home. Of course, I still had to go to classes four days a week on the campus of UNLV. But because we had moved closer to campus, this became easier to accomplish. During the months and years that followed I found ways to base more and more of what I was doing out of my home. I did this originally to re-capture the time I was losing by being in the car so much. But the unexpected and glorious byproduct of doing everything out of my home was that my life became dramatically less compartmentalized. I now could spend a little time being a father or a husband right in the middle of my work day. I could study and research from my work office. I could return work e-mails from my laptop in the middle of class, or in my home office late at night. I could go out on a date with my wife during lunch on a Friday. I could think through my sermon for an upcoming gathering while driving to campus. The overlap of tasks made it possible for me to function in every role that was expected of me and still keep my sanity, at least most of the time. Sure, there were a few drawbacks in working and studying from home, but by and large, the positives of this arrangement significantly outweighed the negatives.

What I Learned From Being Home Based

More than anything, I learned that life was meant to be lived in a holistic way, not in the compartmentalized way that the culture around me suggested.

To be honest, I am currently somewhat saddened that my life is no longer that way. Now, I go to my law firm’s office to work. Home is family time. Office is work time. Still, the lessons from the four years of living more holistically have stayed with me.

Likewise With Church

During this same period of time I learned that church is always. It is not a compartmentalized part of my life, to be separated into its own box. I have learned to be church instead of doing church or going to church. Being a husband, father, pastor, and law student all at once, based out of my home, taught me how to be instead of how to just do. Church is meant to be just like that I think.

These days when somebody asks me if my family and I go to church I sometimes quip, “No, we are the church.” I get some strange looks when I say that. But my comment, although intentionally curious and intriguing, is gravely serious. More than what we do and where we go, we are the church. In one sense, all however-many-million of us there are the church universal. In another sense, my wife, kids, friends and I are the church relational. At other times, in gatherings of several dozen, several hundred, or several thousand, we come together and become the church, though those expressions seem less and less like the point to me with each passing day. My family and I are the church, based right here in our home, and whenever and wherever we gather with others in His name. This is especially true at those times when we become aware of His presence in our midst.

2009-05-15T21:38:00.004-04:00

Reflecting (On) What's Wrong

(Part Nine of an ongoing series. Starts way on down below and works upward)

Boxes Versus the Glow of Life

Sometimes, in fact many times, the glow I am talking about may very well be concentrated within one of the boxes. Yet it is the glow, not the box, that stands out to God, I believe. The glow does not cooperate well with the neat shape and finite limitations of the boxes. It is hard to contain brilliant light within a box. Boxes have dark corners and holes in them that allow “glow” to spill out over the boxes’ lines.

More amazingly the glow shows up constantly completely outside of the boxes where two or more gather in His name. The glow can be seen in homes, in work places, in schools, on the streets, and even in some very surprising places that would never, through human eyes, be called “church.” Imagine flying over the planet in a chopper, seeing the glow of Kingdom activity through God’s eyes. Imagine that the finite edges of the boxes fade into the darkness of the night, but that the warm, florescent glow of Kingdom activity lights up whenever and wherever two more gather in His name. That, I have come to believe, is exactly what God sees when He looks out upon creation and sees His church.

Still We See Boxes

So why do we continue to see boxes? Why do we become so fixated on the boxes that we really believe they are “the church?” Our eyes have been so trained to see boxes in every area of our lives that we just cannot help ourselves.

The boxes are not bad in and of themselves, they are just artificial. They are comprised of lines that simply are not real. They keep us from seeing reality. There are examples of the boxes in every area of our lives. When we think of medicine, for example, our human eyes see boxes. We see hospitals, HMO’s, and insurance providers. When we think about shopping for merchandise, our human eyes see boxes. We see Wal-Marts, Targets, Mejers, Costcos, online retailers, outlet malls, and name brands. When we think about education, our human eyes see boxes. We see schools, universities, degrees and certificates, academic disciplines, text books, and exams. When we think about the law, our human eyes see boxes. We see law firms, courts, and government entities. It is no wonder when we think about God, our human eyes see religions and all the other boxes described above. How bizarre it is, really, that we have been so conditioned to see everything through “boxes.”

We’re so accustomed to looking at everything through boxes that we do not even think about how strange that perspective really is.

Why do we see things through “boxes?” Why, for example, do we not see things relationally, by seeing the people, instead of by seeing the boxes? If we looked at things relationally, then when we thought of medicine we might first think of a doctor or a nurse before we thought of a hospital or an HMO. If we looked at things relationally, then when we thought of shopping we might think of a grocer or a merchant instead of a Wal-Mart or a Meijer. But we do not even use the words “merchant” or “grocer” very often in our vocabulary any more. If we looked at things relationally, then when we thought of education we might first think of a teacher instead of a school or a university. If we looked at things relationally, then we thought of the law we might think of an attorney or a judge instead of a court or a pre-paid legal service. If we looked at things relationally, then when we thought of the church we might think of people instead of an organization.

Seeing Things Relationally, and Familially (is that a word?)

If we were conditioned by our culture to see things relationally instead of as boxes, it would change our understanding of church. But I want to take my point one step further beyond seeing things relationally. What if we looked at things not merely relationally, but in terms of family relationships. In other words, what if we were conditioned to see things as familial, or as based on family-type relationships?

This would change everything in an even more dramatic way. Then I believe we would think of a family doctor when we thought of medicine; of a town merchant when we thought of merchandise; of a mentor when thought of education; of a family or town lawyer when we thought of a law. And when we thought of church, perhaps we would think of fathers, mothers, brothers, and sisters.

Think back to the days of old when the family doctor would come to the house and make house calls when somebody was ill. If you are like me, you cannot remember such a time yourself, but have to rely on the reports of those who went before us to remember such a time. I am not old enough to remember such things as doctors who made house calls. But I am told about a time when medicine was not only thought of in relational terms, but in downright familial terms. The family doctor really was the family doctor, and he did much of his work right where family happens, in the home.

Even though it may seem like a strange idea upon first impression, I think most of us would really like the idea of a family doctor coming to our home. I think we would love the idea of a trusting relationship in the area of medicine. We would really like it if medical care was based on a trusting relationship with a family doctor who we trusted enough, and who cared enough, to come to our home and care for our most important physical concerns right in the most intimate setting of our lives, our homes. We would prefer the family doctor over the HMO we deal with, over the crowded emergency room or quick care we deal with, and over the insurance provider we deal with. In fact, I think if we really believed it could happen, we would prefer to have every area of our lives based upon a trusting relationship with someone rather than through a “box.”

We've Learned to Live With Boxes

Yet this is no longer our experience. We have learned to live with boxes. In some ways we have grown to like boxes because at least we can hide in the crowds that they provide and not have to risk relationships with people who we do not actually trust. Boxes are safe when we do not really trust people. But this is not the way life must be experienced. In fact, I maintain that it is not the way we really think is the best way to experience life.

Seeing Church Through the Relational Image

It has changed my life to attempt to see “church” the way God does – using my imagined overhead heat-sensing surveillance. Most nights I sit down for dinner at my house with my wife Rebekah, my daughter Tori, and my sons Lucas and Niles. I believe that when we do this, we are in a very real sense an expression of the church, especially when we become aware that we are meeting together in His name. I think God looks down and sees His church during our family dinners. But on many of those same days as each of us goes about our daily activities, Tori and Lucas to their respective schools, me to work, and Rebekah (with Niles) to a variety of household responsibilities and children’s activities, we become expressions of the church at various times with people we encounter. Any time one of us gathers with others who follow Him and become aware of his presence, we are in a very real sense the church. At least that is how I believe God sees it from his divine perspective. This is not only true for my family, but it is true for all of His families all over the globe. Think about the magnitude of that. At any given moment in time, the glow appears in various places all over the globe. And a few minutes later, the glow has re-arranged itself to new various locations. No wonder only God can really see His church as it really is!

Now We See a Dim Reflection

The power that we would unleash if we stopped focusing on the lines that form the boundaries of the boxes and start seeing life more from His perspective! Of course, someday all the boxes will disappear. That is the glimpse we get in the last chapters of the book of Revelation of a city not needing a temple because God Himself is the temple. We will be His people and He will be our God. I read that as a description of God’s church without the boxes. What I am suggesting is that the vision in Revelation of a church without boxes already is the reality. We just cannot see it clearly yet. Only God can. However, we can chose to start living out the reality of church being familial, not based upon boxes, right now in our present lives if we wish to do so. In fact, if we wish to do so, we can by faith begin living out that reality which is a much more complete way to live than to continue to live within the confines of the boxes. The choice is ours. Great blessing is available to us now if we are willing to let go of our culturally-dictated reliance on the boxes and, by faith, trust that there is a greater reality to what really is church. Even if not by sight, we can live by faith that the church is what God sees. We can trust him that the Revelation picture of the church is reality. We can do that if we wish. We can simply be His people.

It is like trading in your HMO for a trusting relationship with a family doctor who comes to your house. Only much better.

If we trust God to be our Father, and simple be His people, then the boxes will start to fade in their importance as the glow grows stronger and stronger. And as the darkness around us becomes more powerful, it is the glow that will stand out more and more.

2009-05-01T19:17:00.002-04:00

Reflecting (On) What's Wrong

(Part Eight of an ongoing series. Starts with the important stuff -- in prior posts below)

Reducing Church to Its Relational Essence

Confession: I Watch Cops (Sometimes)

I am not sure that I should admit this, but if I happen to be home on a weekend evening, and I find myself in my favorite chair with my trusty remote control in my hand, flipping through the many options on satellite television trying to find something worth watching, I often cannot resist stopping for a few minutes to watch a good police chase caught on video. It is a bit hard for me to admit, but I often find myself watching Cops or one of the other police reality shows. There is something fascinating to me about seeing what really happens on regular basis on the streets of cities like mine between the bad guys and the long arm of the law. Maybe I’m not alone?

Other than a good car chase through a residential neighborhood, I also like to watch the police chopper overhead shining the light down at night, looking for fleeing bad guys below. Occasionally, I have seen broadcasts where the chopper was using heat-sensing surveillance, so that the fleeing suspects below “glow” at night and stand out to the overhead observers. Captivating! I have to admit, I will always stop and watch a few minutes of it. More confessions: I think it would be great fun to have access to that equipment. I could to go up in the sky and use it to see just exactly where everyone is and what they are up to. I can only imagine whose house I would go look in on. First, I would want to see what is up with . . . well, I am getting lost on a tangent now.

God's Perspective?

I shared my confessions about watching police shows in order to make the following comparison: I suspect the overhead heat-sensing surveillance is a great example of how God sees “the church” when He looks down from His divine vantage point. I wonder what exactly God sees when He looks down on His “church.” I never really thought about that until recent years. But in the past few years, as I have struggled to figure out what is wrong with the church, I have found myself wrestling with the question of how God sees “church.”

Church: Universal and Relational

Because I am not God, and because He has not directly told me, I cannot say for sure how He sees His church. But I have come to suspect that He sees His church in two ways: the universal church, and the relational church. The universal church is the church in all places and in all times. In other words, the universal church is made up of every person who has ever been part of it, since it began until now, and on every continent where it exists. One unified body: the Church.

The relational church, on the other hand, is the most basic unit of the church, where two or more people came together in His name. The relational church “happens” at various times in various places. As difficult as it is for us to “see” the universal church, I think it is every bit as difficult for us humans to really “see” the relational church as it constantly functions in our midst each day.

When God looks down from His divine perspective, I think He sees the church in these two ways. Both of these perspectives are not the ways in which we humans usually see the church. It is almost as if, to use a crude anaology,He has heat-sensing equipment and He can detect the warmth of kingdom action and see it wherever and whenever it exits.

Yet this is so different from the common human understanding of what the church is. Why is that we humans do not commonly see the church in the two ways, universal church and relational church, as I suspect God does?

Because We See Boxes

I think we see the church more in terms of what I call “boxes.” The reason we tend to see the church in that ways is because, in our North American culture, we tend to see everything in terms of what I call “boxes.” When I say “boxes,” I do not mean a six-sided object made out of cardboard in which we store things. I am using the term more figuratively. A box is finite. It has distinct beginnings and ends. It has right angles. It neatly keeps some things in and some things out. It is easy to tell where a box begins and where it ends. It is easy to tell what is inside a box, and what is outside a box. It defines things neatly for us.

We see the church like in similar terms. We see buildings, organizations, events, and programs. They are finite things. They have distinct beginnings and ends. They provide bright lines by which we can tell what is within the realm of “church” and what is outside the realm of “church.” Reality seems much easier to keep defined and controlled when we see it all through the paradigm of boxes. Perhaps that is why we tend to see things this way in our current North American culture.

We have allowed our cultural tendency to see life through boxes shape our understanding of what church is. Instead of turning to a theological definition for church, we have allowed a cultural definition to overtake us. For example, we see a church building, with a sign out in front identifying it, with events and activities that happen on set days at set times, and we recognize that “box” as the church. If we were up in the chopper looking down, we could easily identify the boxes down below by recognizing church buildings, for example, and saying “there is a church” and over there is another, and a few blocks away is another. We might even get a little more ambitious and find other boxes that could be considered part of the church, such as Christian bookstores, seminaries, Christian concerts, retreats, conventions, radio stations, pro-family organizations, etc. We can easily identify these “boxes” and say that they identify for us what is and what is not “the church.”

Whenever and Wherever

I have come to believe, however, that God sees it much, much differently. Sure, He may recognize the “boxes” as He gazes down. But I have to think that those are faint outlines that fade into the shadows, and that what really stands out to Him is the glowing warmth of “two or more gathered in His name,” whenever and wherever it happens. In other words, I think He sees it much more the way the heat-sending surveillance equipment reveals the bad guys to those riding in the police chopper. I think He sees the glow and recognizes His church. He does not need, nor do I believe He even focus on, the boxes in the way that we do.

I'll share much more along this line of thinking in the next post.

2009-04-25T13:44:00.009-04:00

Reflecting (On) What's Wrong

(Part Seven of an ongoing series. Starts with the important stuff -- in prior posts below)

Redefining My Identity

My tongue-in-cheek explanation for my career path goes like this: "There are two groups of people in the world I don’t really trust . . . pastors and lawyers. And I have decided to be both of those at some point during my life."

Needless to say, there are many trustworthy people in both of those professions, notwithstanding my sarcastic humor.

But explanation above sums up my professional journey to this point in my life.

At the end of high school, I set out to get an undergraduate degree in journalism and then go on to law school and become an attorney. I enjoyed public speaking and writing, so studying journalism and law seemed like a logical path for me to take. A good friend of mine was also planning the same course of study. We were heading off to Indiana University together to pursue similar endeavors.

Then I had my spiritual high on the airplane on the way back from Honduras, and everything changed. I was instead preparing to be a pastor of some sort.

But a few years into church work, I had a shift in my understanding of who I was. Instead of understanding my identity as that of a pastor caring for a group of people, I began understanding my identity as that of a missionary to the increasingly postmodern culture of North America. I realized this really was not a “vocational” calling at all – it was really something much larger, much more personal, and much more central to my identity as a person than it was a professional issue. It was not so much about how I went about making a living as it was about who I was.

The Moment It Hit Me

I remember the exact moment when I fully realized this. I was vacationing with my wife on Marco Island, in southwest Florida. It was a glorious, carefree, sunsplashed afternoon. I was sitting in a Jacuzzi overlooking the Gulf of Mexico, relaxing, reflecting, and spending time in solitude with God when a light bulb went on in my head. For the first time, I suddenly understood quite clearly who I was.

I understood that I was a missionary to the postmodern world, and I could be that whether a church signed my paycheck or another kind of enterprise signed my paycheck. It was a strange realization: one second I didn’t see it, then next second it was clear to me, and I have never doubted it since. I was to be a missionary to the postmodern world regardless of what I did for a living. The whole idea of being a vocational church leader suddenly seemed surprisingly secondary to my identity. My new understanding of identity was not in any way dependent on whether I worked for a church or not.

But What Else Could I Do?

This realization, or revelation, or whatever it was, raised a troubling question for me: what would I do for a living if I wasn’t a “vocational” pastor? A seminary degree does not exactly prepare one for a wide variety of career opportunities, at least not in the eyes of potential employers. I was not skilled in any blue-collar trade, nor did I have the knack to pick up such a trade. I was a white collar person through and through. I was able to work with my mind, speaking, writing, organizing, and managing much better than I was able to work with my hands. But I lacked the requisite degree, training, and connections to enter another profession.

The only other career I had ever seriously considered pursuing was law. That was the career ambition I found laying in the back of my mind once I started asking the question of what else, other than being a vocational church leader, I had ever wanted to do. But I lacked a few essential things. First, I did not have a J.D., the doctoral level degree required for practicing law. Second, I was not licensed in any state to practice law. This all seemed overwhelming to me at first. But I could not help but wonder if it might be time to recapture the previous career ambition that I had abandoned almost fifteen years before.

My real motive was to have a reliable way to support my family while pursing my identity as a missionary to the postmodern world. The reality was that I was not sure that many existing churches would, or even should, pay me to pursue my vision of being a missionary to the post-modern world, especially the way that I understood that vision.

Seeking Advice, and Then Going For It

Within a few weeks of my Jacuzzi experience, I had met with a few friends of mine who were attorneys in Las Vegas, where I lived. I shared my convictions with them about my identity and about my re-discovered desire to peruse a legal career. I asked them about their experiences in attending law school. I asked them if I should attend law school, or if I should consider some simpler way to pursue a career in law, perhaps becoming a paralegal instead. Every attorney I spoke with sincerely encouraged me to go fully pursue my ambitions and to apply for admission into law school.

Six years later, I am now a practicing attorney in the State of Indiana. Everyone who has been part of my life has been surprised by this career transition I have made, for one reason or another. The people who knew me first as pastor Greg are amazed that I’ve crossed over to the supposed dark side and actually made this dramatic career shift. Other people, who know me primarily as attorney Greg, can’t believe I was formerly a bona fide man of the cloth, so to speak. I just smile and say, “There are two groups of people in the world who I don’t trust . . . .”

The Larger Debate

The reason that I have shared this story about my personal life is because it represents a debate which is much larger in scope than my career decision. Church leaders across the nation who have felt called to a simpler expression of church have frequently struggled over the issue of whether “pastors” should be full-time church professionals or bi-vocational leaders.

I spent a weekend in Colorado Springs several years ago meeting with a group of people from across North America who were practicing simple church in their homes. We met together for a few days to pray, share ideas, and wrestle with difficult questions. While we were wrestling with difficult questions, a debate of sorts broke out between some of us. It was good-natured debate, yet it was rather intense. Some of those in the meeting really felt it was best for the simple church planters and leaders to completely abandon their positions as paid clergy and work bi-vocationally instead. They felt that, as one author one put it, churches were much too tied to their buildings, budgets, and big shots (us paid pastors being the big shots). They felt strongly that it was time for us to return to a church that more closely resembled the church described in the book of Acts, where overseers oversaw but also held on to their vocations to support their own financial needs. To support their passionately-held position, those in the meeting argued from texts like:

“we worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you.” 1 Thessalonians 2: 9; and

“I will not be a burden to you, because what I want is not your possessions but you. After all, children should not have to save up for their parents, but parents for their children. So I will very gladly spend for your every thing I have and expend myself as well.” 2 Corinthians 12: 14-15.

They argued that if we ever wanted to get back to a simple, organic expression of church that more closely resembled family than business, then we had to lead the way by transforming our own understanding of leadership to more closely resemble parenting (which, last time I checked, is not a paying position) and less resemble a corporate CEO model.

However, there were other people in that weekend meeting who passionately debated the opposite position on the issue. They were convinced that because the New Testament provided direct precedent for the idea that spiritual leaders who devote their lives to Christian service deserve to make a living by doing so. They argued from texts like:

“The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worth of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching. For the scripture says, 'Do not muzzle the ox while it is treading out the grain,'" and "The worker deserves his wages.” 1 Timothy 5: 17-18.

They further argued that in today’s specialized world it only makes sense for all believers to give a portion of their income to support others who can devote themselves full-time to leading the church. They pointed out that paid church leadership can be traced back to the very early church, even if not to the original church plants in the book of Acts. They also argued that the idea of paid church leadership can actually be traced back into Old Testament times, if you allow yourself to see it that way. They argued that people whose hearts were right before God could lead, even though paid, in such a way that would not take advantage of their paid position. They reasoned that the obnoxious odor often left behind when church leaders plea for money is not so much derived from the idea of paying pastors as it is from those pastors who, by their attitudes and actions, have given it such a stench.

During the debate, I was Switzerland. That is, I remained neutral for the most part. I probably entered the meeting that day leaning toward the paid clergy position (after all, it was good for my livelihood to take that position at the time!). Yet looking back on that debate years later, I think it planted a seed in my heart that would grow toward the opposite conviction. It was the beginning of my suspicion that it might be good for the church if a good many of its leaders, or at least me, would strongly consider leading without the benefit of a regular paycheck. I began thinking of that as the ideal and wondering if I could ever live out that ideal in my own life.

2009-04-18T10:40:00.002-04:00

Reflecting (on) What’s Wrong

(Part Six of an ongoing series. Starts with prior posts below)

Another note

It only rarely happens. Real connection with God. Spiritual experience. Getting in tune. Whatever you want to call it. Some believe it never happens, that it is all sensationalism or emotionalism. Others believe it should happen, that it must happen constantly, or we are not really His people. I was raised believing something in between. But I don’t write to debate that topic. I write to share my story, to the best of my ability to understand.

This is what we long for. To truly be loved. To truly be led somewhere by our God. In all my years of institutional church life, and I was an addict of sort, I can count on one hand the number of moments where something truly spiritual was going on between a group of people I was involved with and God.

I sensed it on that short term mission trip to Honduras. I sensed it in New Mexico with a group of close friends seeking his face. I sensed it at a worship concert once in northern Indiana. I sensed it in a few early morning prayer meetings with close friends. But these, and a few other moments, were the exceptions, not the rule.

And moving our meetings from an auditorium to a living room does not guarantee real connection between us and our Father. In the end, we depend on Him, we wait on Him to move among us and do things. We can’t make it happen. And for whatever reasons, it seems to happen rarely these days. We see only a trickle of the roaring waterfall. I’m not sure why, but I know it is true. Still, we trust, we believe, we wait, and we hope. Or, put another way,

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

2009-03-28T09:19:00.003-04:00

Reflecting (on) What’s Wrong

(Part Five of an ongoing series. Starts with prior posts below)

4. Personal Issues

As anybody who has decided to be free from the idea of institutional church and start meeting in a home knows, the journey continues with twists and turns. The winding road continues.

We initially shrunk church down into living room version of big church. That was horrible. Eventually, some of the house churches stayed together long enough to transform into true communities. They became family. And when that happened, they experienced the richness of what it really means to be church.

Yet that journey is not a simple A to B transition. It is messy. Much like marriage, and raising children, real church life is difficult and full of ups and downs. It does not look or feel glorious on most days, but is made up of the mundane and the ordinary.

Thirtysomething

About the same time I began to embrace a simpler form of church that understood ecclesiology better, I also began to struggle with issues related to my own life stage. I was in my 30’s, and couldn’t believe it. One day I was in my early twenties; the next I was in my early 30s. How did that happen, I wondered?

I also began being confronted with my own brokenness. I believed in my head that I needed to be a more loving, giving person in every area of my life: my marriage, my parenting, my friendships, etc. Yet I found I couldn’t become that just by decided I needed to do it. I was confronted with my own basic selfishness. I was becoming aware that even the good things I did in life flowed from some selfish desire. I really was not on a journey of giving my life away for others. I was far too fearful to risk doing that on a daily basis.

Being Loved > Loving

I shared some of these thoughts and feelings with a trusted mentor. His advice surprised me. He told me I didn’t have a problem with loving, but I had a problem with being loved. I didn’t really love because I wasn’t really allowing God to love me. At first, I was pretty sure he was wrong. But I began to understand that my understanding of God was skewed on some level, and that even the part of me that did understand God’s love had never let it travel down the neck. In other words, it registered in my head, but not in my heart. I was really, in many ways, a legalistic Christian. I didn’t really get the good news aspects of God’s message.

For example, I had always read the book of Galatians under the understanding that I am a Gentile, and that others were Jews. Now, although that is technically true, it kept me from understanding that book. I always thought that Galatians was full of sections that meant nothing to me. It was written to Jews to help them understand that we no longer live under law. I, being a Gentile, never lived under Jewish law, so what a waste of verses.

But I began to understand that I am more like a Jew than a Gentile when it comes to Galatians purposes. I mean, I am basically a religious legalist (not as much as some, of course). I basically have always approached my faith from the point of view of law – kind of a New Testament law, if you will. Once I started reading Galatians as if I was the Jew that the book addressed, and the pagans around me were the Gentiles, then the book changed my whole perspective of my interaction with God.

Reflecting the Problem (The Problem is Me)

The road had twisted again and brought me face to face with another very unexpected discovery in my quest to figure out what was wrong with the church. The road took another hairpin blind turn, and when I got around the turn, I was confronted with a giant mirror. In that mirror, I saw my own reflection. That’s right, the problem with the church, I was finding, was not just generational, cultural and theological. Beyond all of that, it was personal. I ran into my own reflection on my quest to find out what was wrong with the church. The problem with the church was, in large part, me.

The Problem is . . . Us

Before I unpack that further, I hope you won’t be too hard on me. Because I’m speaking for us all. The problem with the church is not just me, it’s us. We, her members. We are broken. Our hearts aren’t healthy. We aren’t allowing ourselves to be loved fully. Or, maybe I should say, there is something about God’s love we just don’t get yet. That’s why we’re still so broken.

And because we aren’t able to accept or fully appreciate His love for us, we don’t allow it to flow through us properly. We don’t love each other the way we should. And to some degree, we can’t. At least not yet. Further, we don’t show the world out there what love is really like because we don’t love each other in a full way. And we don’t love them in a full way either. At least not yet.

Like a Dam

It’s like God’s love is a raging river. And we are a dam. We don’t allow His love to come through.

It’s like we’re standing in a waterfall, and our job is to just drip the stuff that’s pouring on us. But we’re so unaware of the availability of the waterfall, that we can’t even drip.

We’re broken deeply. I am broken deeply. The problem with the church is me.

A Full-Circle Journey

The issue isn’t the church afterall. At least not its most primary level. Healthy disciples make healthy churches. No wonder Jesus commissioned His disciples to make disciples, not to plant churches. The church is the natural result of healthy disciples. Yet without one, we have not the other. I am sure I will spend many more years on this one. There is no easy solution. I’m getting a bit healthier. We are getting a bit healthier. And though I have some responsibility in all of this, as do we all, it is really God’s power and God’s love that makes this change. I can’t will it to happen. Believe me I’ve tried. And I think getting out near the end of the rope of our efforts is part of what makes us let go enough for the change to start happening.

Stopping to Let This Sink In

I have much more to post on all of this, but the next section moves from the theoretical to the practical. Nothing I say, though, will be more important than this post. I hope many will join me in acknowleding that the problem with the church is me. I hope many will join me in an effort to quit relfecting on the problems and begin acknowledging that we, instead, reflect the problem. Only then will the rest of these posts mean anything at all.

2009-03-21T16:20:00.004-04:00

Reflecting (on) What’s Wrong

(Part Four of an ongoing series. Starts with prior posts below)

So what's the story? What happened make me realize there was a theological problem with the church -- that the church didn't know what "church" meant?

It started more as a longing to experience church like I had experienced it with my friends in seminary. We shared life together. We laughed together. We cried together when a tragedy struck our campus. We went on weekend road trips together, often on a whim and for no specific reason. We were learning about God and church and Christianity in class each day. But we experienced a glimpse of kingdom life we had never really experienced before as the New Testament “one anothers” naturally sprung forth into our lives over those years.

We even planned that we would one day plant a church together. I think much of that planning was just our desire to keep this experience of Christian community alive past those magical four years.

Too Busy Doing Church to Be the Church

Amazingly, four of us did get to be part of a church plant together in Las Vegas. Yet only a year into that endeavor, we were troubled that our “project” was keeping us from experiencing true community with one another. As the church grew, the demands on our time and energy made it impossible for us to be the kind of community we had been during those magical years in seminary. And, what also hurt, was that so few of the hundreds of people who were part of our church were getting to experience that level of community with each other. It was a struggle. We tried to recapture it for ourselves and for them by initiating small group programming. We attempted it several ways. But the groups always felt forced and unnatural. And the four of us were spending less time together as we led these groups. It just wasn’t working for us or for the people who were coming.

Road Trip

Finally, the four of us and a few other trusted leaders decided to go on a road trip to visit other churches who were reaching our target group and figure out how they were dealing with this struggle we felt. We visited several churches, campus ministries, and young adult ministries during our week on the road. We gleaned something valuable from all of them. But one stood out to us. It was a Vineyard church plant in an urban neighborhood near Cincinnati, Ohio. The church had been meeting in an old Catholic Church building which the Catholic Church had recently abandoned. But the building, which had fallen into disrepair, was soon condemned until costly repairs could be made. And the young church could not afford such. So they were forced to divide into several smaller communities and meet in homes. And they ended up finding life in that experience.

We listened to their story and began to feel our hearts being tugged toward what they were experiencing in these house churches. They were experiencing holistic body life in communities that were not secondary to the larger event, but were in and of themselves, the church.

We began reading books and listening to the stories of others in North America and all over the world who were embracing the church’s original form by meeting wherever and whenever. We studied house church, cell church, organic church, and simple church. These terms are all related, although nuanced. We began to sense a strong calling to de-centralize our big “church” into smaller communities that were self-sufficient, all-encompassing expressions of church in and of themselves. Did I mention that this was an unexpected twist along the journey?

What We Didn't Know

Honestly, we didn’t know what we were doing on many levels.

First, we didn’t understand how such a community should function. To “do” house church, we just shrunk “church” down into living room version. It was kind of like “Honey, who shrunk the church?” We replaced the preacher with a Bible study leader. We replaced the worship band with whoever knew how to play a guitar. We did almost everything the same, but on a smaller version. And that didn’t work. It just lessened the quality of the program. Not surprisingly, some of these house churches didn’t make it. But some of them hung with it after the honeymoon period ended. They stayed together and dealt with the disillusion of the lower quality program. And something magical happened. Those that stayed together for at least six months, as a general rule, went through a metamorphosis and became more like a family and less like a programmed event. They started eating meals together. They started sharing life together. They started living out the one-anothers of the New Testament. And they even found a way to teach and worship, though it looked very different. They went from doing church to being church.

Next, we also did not understand how difficult it would be for many people to accept this transition in church life. Many people eagerly followed the house church idea, thinking it would be cool. But as soon as it got difficult, they ran back to the closest cool church that did something similar to what we used to do. We have often said since then, that if we had it to do all over again, we would not have tried to vision cast this new idea to several hundred people who were already largely content with their church. Instead, we would have taken the few people who longed for this alternative vision and taken them away to start something new.

We also did not understand the price we would pay, especially those of us who were vocational church leaders. It is not easy being trained to be a church leader, and then embracing an idea of church that really can’t justify paying its pastors. In a few weeks, I will describe that journey in more detail. I ended up going through a nerve-racking five-year transition into another career as a result of these convictions. Even after the transition, it is a never-ending tension to be a church leader who is not a vocational pastor – on purpose. I’m misunderstood by those in my old profession and by those in my new profession.

Finally, we did not understand that we would not be the glory-receiving leaders of an innovation in church leadership, but we would be equals with hundreds and thousands of other people who, in relative anonymity, would be called by God to take similar journeys without getting credit for anything. I remember one day as we planned our transition into house church. We dreamed about the day we would have 1000 people in house churches. We were so trapped in our old church model thinking. It turned out that we became a network of several house churches that functioned well and enjoyed being linked together. And, we “bumped into” dozens of other networks of several house churches all over the country who had stories somewhat similar to ours. We sometimes were able to encourage and help those others by sharing our story. But we began to realize that we were not the experts who were leading the revolution nation-wide. This isn’t another version of the Willow Creek or Saddleback story where a few notable leaders come up with model and become often-copied heroes. Instead, we humbly got to play our part, as did dozens of others, by sensing what God had for us, then obeying and becoming something different. We only realized that something big was happening when we met others who shared our own journey.

An Unexpected Scattering

Related to this, we did not understand that we would be asked to scatter from our hub in Las Vegas. Many of us, whether still living in Vegas, or having relocated, are still wondering what that scattering was al about, even today. About three years into our journey of meeting in simple, home-based church communities, a mass scattering began. Family after family after family left Las Vegas to move to other places, for various reasons.

Some left to move back to where they originally came from. Others moved to live closer to extended family. Still others moved because of job situations. Some were relocated by the air force. Family after family.

And many of them key, core, leadership families. House church hosts. Visionary leaders. Servants. On and on an on.

At one point, we estimated that over 300 people moved away from Las Vegas in the course of less than five years. At first we despaired, felt sorry for ourselves, and asked God “why?” But eventually we caught on that something was up. People were being scattered. And they were all taking some part of what we experienced together to their new destinations. People applied it in various ways. Some set out to be simple church, meeting in a home, in their new destination. Others ended up in more traditional church contexts, but took a vision with them of what the true essence of church really was.

And eventually, as I will describe later, I too would relocate to a new city – quite by surprise. We came to see that God seemed to be scattering us, to take what we had experienced and apply it all over North America (and in some cases beyond).

But Wait, This Isn't the Whole Problem With the Church! There's More . . .

But the puzzle was not complete. The journey had yet another twist. As if the theological issues were not radical enough . . . . I'll get to what came next in a future post.

2009-03-15T14:57:00.003-04:00

Reflecting (on) What’s Wrong

(Part Three of an ongoing series. Starts with prior posts below).

3. Theological Issues

Christ-followers love to debate theology. Just turn in your local yellow pages to “churches,” see the multitude of denominational labels, and you will realize that nobody agrees on the fine points of theology. Catholic vs. Protestant. Mainline vs. Evangelical. Pre-mils vs. Post-mils. Calvinist vs. Arminian. And literally thousands of others distinctions. Is this a problem with the church? Of course. But all of this has nothing to do with what I mean by the label to this section: “theological issues.” I began to realize that the church has a huge theological problem – and it is not any of the debates like the ones I listed above. It is infinitely more primary than any of those debates.

The Church Does Not Know What "Church" Means:

Stated more specifically, I began to see that the church has an ecclesiology problem. Ecclesiology is just a fancy way of saying “theology of church.” What I mean is that the church doesn’t understand what the word “church” means – at least not from a Biblical, theologically sound, point of view.

Most church leaders, including myself up until around the year 2000, would deny my accusation that the church doesn’t know what “church” means. Most church leaders are able to write a terrific theological essay about what “church” means. But, as the cliché says, actions speak louder than words. Church leaders and church planters don’t do what their theological essays would say. I know – I have been among them.

Whether we like to admit it (or even are aware that we are doing it), we have bought into the popular culture’s assumptions of what church is over the theological definition. We have bought into the assumption that church is, at its most basic level, a “non-profit organization.” Or, put more crudely, a “business.” Or, put more eloquently, “God’s enterprise in the world.”

No good church leader or church planter would admit that church is, at it essence, a non-profit organization, but their actions always give them (us) away. We play along with the cultural assumption that church is an organization. Or, as one writer has stated it, we have a “place where” assumption about church – that church is a place where certain things happen.

Once we rid ourselves of our denial that we really assume this, a question arises. What’s so bad about such an assumption? The answer is that the assumption is a logical staring point that leads to logical outcomes. A non-profit organization that wishes to reach out to culture does so by putting on programs. In the North American context, the culture is frequently busy, distracted, and pre-occupied, not to mention overly-targeted by various organizations. So in order to successfully reach out to that kind of culture, a non-profit organization (ie – the church) must put on high quality programs in order to compete with other competitors, both sacred and not-so-sacred.

Otherwise, a non-profit organization will merely get lost in the vast sea of voices. In order to put on extremely high quality programs, organizations require: talented staff, large numbers of committed volunteers, and first-class facilities. Mediocre staff leads to mediocre programs which don’t get the attention of the busy, distracted culture. Inadequate facilities are too inconvenient for the average person. And great programs require so much work that even a talented staff is overextended without an army of volunteers.

In order to attract and maintain a highly talented staff, and in order to build and maintain first class facilities, non-profit organizations need huge budgets -- really eye-popping amounts of money. Not that any of this is bad in and of itself. But it is reality. The culture’s assumption that church is, at its essence, a non-profit organization leads to this chain reaction which essentially requires huge budgets to have a chance to succeed in the present culture.

To question the need for huge budgets, talented staff, armies of volunteers, and first class facilities without first questioning the place/where assumption is . . . to kill a church! So we don’t dare.

If we hire mediocre talent, settle for less than impressive facilities, etc. – we stifle church growth. But that is really because we have bought into a false assumption to begin with. Because if we went back to our theological essay on what church is, nowhere does it say that church is primarily a non-profit organization, a business, or a place where certain things happen.

Then Who Are We?

Instead, we more accurately portray the church as God’s people (even His family) on God’s mission. We are really a sent people. Not that non-profit organizations are bad or evil in and of themselves. Sometimes true church thrives in such a structure. But it is not the essence of who we are. And because we’ve lost sight of this in North America (or at least in our loud-speaking actions we have, even if not in our words), the church has a problem: a theological issue. The church no longer knows who it is. Or, stated more accurately, the church no longer acts like what it knows it really is. Church has become more of a non-profit organization than the missional people of God. And that changes everything. The remedy to this problem is not subtle. It is drastic.

To fix our generational problem, we just change or music and preaching styles. In other words, we alter our programs.

To remedy our cultural problem, we educate everyone about the culture and encourage everyone to get out into the culture and become missionaries.

But to remedy our theological problem, we have to go to the root, to the very essence, of all that we know as church and ask frightening questions. Frightening, for example, for a church that has built a multi-million dollar auditorium to ask if the missional people of God really need, or ought to own, multi-million dollar auditoriums! Frightening for a church leader, who went to seminary training, built his career ambitions around pastoring at the exclusion of all other opportunities, to ask if professional clergy are what the people of God really need, or ought to spend their dollars on. And so forth. These questions are so frightening to the established church that it will find forceful arguments to try to immediately quash any attempt to raise them. Proof-texting is a helpful tool in this endeavor.

That is where I found myself – squarely faced with the reality that the church had a theological problem, and that the remedy would require radical change. Not to mention that I, myself, had always enjoyed getting paid at least a modest salary to do ministry.

Where Did All of that Theory Come From?

But I’ve skipped what happened to show me this theological problem with the church. There is quite a story behind the theories I have just written about. I will dive into that story in my next post.

2009-03-08T10:40:00.008-04:00

Reflecting (on) What’s Wrong

(Part two of an ongoing series. Starts below this post).

1. Generational Issues

The Church Targets the Baby Boomers:

I quickly latched on to what I thought was “the problem” with the church. It was the early 1990s and much was being written and taught about church growth and church planting, specifically targeting the baby boomer generation. Willow Creek Community Church and Saddleback Church were the icons of this phenomenon. As I studied the success of these ministry models and the numerous attempts to copy that success, I became fascinated with the attempts to target and reach a new generation, the baby boomers. I read all I could about it. I attended conferences and seminars. I was ready to buy into the emerging model except for one glaring problem: all of this was targeting the generation before mine – my parents’ generation. I still felt a longing to see the church understand the needs of my high school friends – the so called “Generation X” or “Baby Busters” – those of us born after 1964.

On the one hand, I was excited and fascinated to see the church finally understanding and reaching out to the baby boomers instead of the generation before. On the other hand, I was frustrated to the core that my own generation still was being ignored.

That's Not Who I Am -- And I'm Not Alone:

The church had in my mind a huge “generational” problem. For awhile, I thought that was the primary problem with the church. In the early 1990s, I stumbled upon a meeting of 200 other people, from across denominational lines, who shared my burden to see the next generation (whatever they may be labeled) be targeted and reached by the church. The 200 of us had gathered for a few days in Colorado Springs to discuss the church planting for “our” generation. I left feeling a sense of purpose and mission. I felt as though I had discovered what was wrong with the church – namely that it did not understand my generation – and I intended to spend the rest of my life addressing the problem. I was committed to planting churches to reach my generation – to figure out what such a church should look like, to plant one, and to help others do the same.

2. Cultural Issues

Only later would I realize that the generational problem was only one twist along the winding road of discovering what was wrong with the church. By that time I had moved to Las Vegas to join a group of my seminary friends who were planting a “GenX” church in the late 1990s. I already realized, though, that generational issues were only one small piece to a larger puzzle. The road had other twists and turns. By the time I started to live out my convictions about solving the church’s generational problems, I had already become fixated on another leg of the journey, another piece of the puzzle, another aspect of the problem of what was wrong with the church.

A Detour Through the Big Apple:

And it came about because of a detour my life took through New York. For five years after seminary and before moving to Las Vegas, I was part of new church planting efforts in and around New York City. It was quite an experience for this Midwestern native. My eyes were opened to new realities. For the first time in my life, I was living in a postmodern / post-Christian culture. Everybody around me was not a white anglo-saxon protestant. I lived and worked in the midst of people from a variety of ethnic, religious, and political backgrounds. It did not take long for me to realize that this was a different culture from the one I grew up in.

The model of ministry I knew from back in the heartland made no sense there. In fact, I had to think of myself more like a missionary to a “foreign” culture than like a pastor in a Christian culture. I was saturated in the culture shift that was coming upon all of North America because I was living right on the cutting edge of it.

Reading About It While Living In It:

Coincidentally, perhaps, I began reading lots of books about the North American culture shift. Looking through the lenses of authors such as Newbigin, Hauweraus, Willard, Bosch, Vanier, and others, I began to understand the interaction between gospel, culture, and church. As I studied theory from those great theologians, I experienced what they were writing about in my daily life. As the pages described the postmodern reality, my neighbors provided living illustrations of the theory I was reading about.

The change we were experiencing in North American culture wasn’t just the typical changes that happen with every new generation. Instead, radical changes were taking place that question the very core of how people see life. Relativism was replacing belief in absolute truth. People were coming to understand life more based on what they experienced instead of by investigating evidence and trying to prove the truth of what they believed. People were learning to able to deal with things being “both/and” instead of “either/or.” People were looking for spiritual guides who were authentic and real, even if that meant they were not morally perfect. It is far beyond the scope of this work to completely analyze the shift from a “modern” culture to a “postmodern” culture. Plenty of other works have given that subject exhaustive treatment.

Three Kinds of Scopes:

My favorite illustration of this shift involves a telescope, a microscope, and a kaleidoscope. In the ancient world, people understood the world around them as if they were viewing it through a telescope. People thought of themselves as being small compared to the ultimate realities of the universe. People looked at the world around them as being enormous and beyond understanding. This affected their perceptions of spiritual things as well. God (or, as many ancient religions thought, “the gods”) was thought of as far away and mysterious. If thunder clapped in the sky, then the gods must be angry. If the crops grew, the gods must be blessing. If a disaster came, the gods must not be happy with the people. All people could do is look through a telescope at the far away deity and hope to figure it all out.

But something changed when the “modern” world came into being. The age of science and reason brought about a change. People began believing that anything could be analyzed, examined, explained, and controlled, via the scientific method. As a result of this, we shifted from a “pre-modern” world to a “modern” world. In this modern world, people understood the world around them as if they were viewing it through a microscope. People thought of themselves as being big and powerful, and the world was small and able to be controlled. People could cure disease and invent machines to make life easier. This also affected spiritual understanding. God, too, so people thought, could be figured out and explained. People became so bold as to subject God to the scientific method, to put Him under the microscope, and attempt to explain Him in very concrete and rational terms. I know because I was raised mostly in that world. God was explained in great theological detail, with only a little mystery that spilled over beyond the defined box He was in.

The modern world also applied its microscope mentality to the Bible. In fact, applying the microscope mentality to the Bible led to a great divided understanding between so-called theological conservatives and theological liberals. Some people put the Bible under the microscope and dissected it. Every word, every phrase, every book was put through the scientific method to see if it stood up to scrutiny. People stood in the position of power over the microscope and the Bible became subject to that scrutiny. These people were labeled theological liberals within Christianity.

But other people applied their microscope mentality to the Bible in a different manner. They understood the Bible to be the microscope, and they began using the Bible as the lens through which they scrutinized every other aspect of life. They understood the Bible as an almost magical book that was to be used as the final authority on every area of life, even areas that really were unrelated. These people were still acting out of their modern-world understanding because they were standing in the position of power over the microscope, which was the Bible, and using it to scrutinize every aspect of the world and life. These people were labeled theological conservatives, or fundamentalists, within Christianity.

Both the liberals and conservatives, though bi-polarly divided and focused often on opposing each other, failed to realize that they were both really shaped in their worldview by the age of reason and rationality, by the scientific method, by the microscope image of reality. They failed to see this because they were so focused on opposing the other side, and so focused on using their microscope, as they understood it. I know this because I was doing it myself.

But now the world has changed again. We live mostly in a postmodern world now. In the postmodern world, people understand the world around them as if they are viewing it through a kaleidoscope. Take a minute to stop and think about the last time you looked through a kaleidoscope and exactly what you experienced as you looked through it. There is constant motion and change in a kaleidoscope. Every time one looks at it, it looks different. The postmodern understanding of the world is similar. Every time one looks at the world, it looks a little different, depending on when one happens to look, and what angle one happens to be looking. This is the postmodern world view. And, as before, this worldview influences people’s understanding of spiritual realities and of God. People now believe that every time you look at the world, it is changing, and depending on what angle you happen to look, you may see things in a different light. So too, is people’s understanding of God. He is understood as a moving, acting, flowing God who is always doing something new and creative.

Not a Question of "Right" or "Wrong":

These changes in how we view reality are not necessarily matters of right and wrong. That statement may create some controversy. But my point in all of this is that the modern worldview has caused many Christ-followers to think that their way of seeing God and their way of seeing reality is right, and the postmodern way of seeing God and understanding reality is wrong. It is the microscope, not God, that causes us to think this way.

I could easily find aspects of all three worldviews (the pre-modern telescope view, the modern microscope view, and the post-modern kaleidoscope view) that are theologically, or biblically inaccurate. (I realize that this last sentence is worded in a very modern, microscope manner, but the limits of language force me to write these thoughts somehow). Yet I can also find redeeming aspects of all three views that are theologically, or biblically, right on the money. These are merely human attempts at figuring out life and God and reality. The premodern, modern, and postmodern understanding of the world are all equally flawed, yet equally valuable, in their attempts to understand and live in the world. If you are struggling to accept this, may I be so bold as to suggest that the modern worldview may be acting more as your god than the Creator of the universe is. It’s a natural struggle to go through.

So this is not a discussion about which view is right and which view is wrong. Instead, this is a discussion about understanding the new way in which our culture views the world so that we understand our role in being followers of Christ, and being on Christ’s mission, in the midst of such a world. It is imperative that we understand the culture we live in and hope to see the Gospel penetrate.

All of this, I began to see, was a problem that the church had.

Missionary to the Postmodern World:

Going to my church office and running the church each day made less and less sense in a culture that was post-modern. The hours I spent chatting with my landlord about life felt more like ministry than my paid hours running the church. And it wasn’t just that our church was not relevant enough to capture the culture’s attention. I am pretty sure that there was no gimmick the church could have could try that was clever enough to get people to come. I mean, if we had served beer and showed movies at our venue and called it “church”, there were lots of people who still were not coming, just because it was called “church.” The only way Jesus was crossing into their world was if we left our comfort zone and went to them, on their turf and on their terms. This things we called “church,” which was really in the form of a non-profit organization where certain leaders put on programs at a certain place at a certain time at a certain time for certain followers, was something that was created partially from an understanding of the modern worldview, and it didn’t really make sense in the postmodern world. That is what made me begin to understand myself as a “missionary” (literally, one who is sent) instead of as a pastor. But before I could understand myself as a missionary, I had to understand that North America had become a mission field – a post-modern culture.

In 1999, I moved to Las Vegas. Three college friends of mine had already moved there and had launched a GenX church, meeting on the campus of a relatively new Willow Creek model church. Yet even upon my arrival, with the new church barely a year old, we realized that the problem with church has more than a generational issue. Though our church was largely made up of GenXers, we noticed that it was much more about an attitude than it was about an age group. For example, one 75 year-old man totally resonated with our ministry approach even though he wasn’t “born after 1964.” And, by contrast, one couple in their early twenties (squarely within our supposed target group) visited a church service with us and hated it. And they hated it specifically because of all the things we were doing differently in order to reach twenty-somethings – their generation! This difference between that 75-year-old man and that twenty-something couple was a mindset, an attitude, more than an age. He was from a different land than they were, so to speak. He was from a postmodern culture, and was “found” by our attempts to go to his place. The couple was from a modern culture, and they were looking for a church like the one they had grown up in.

Learning the Language:

We, as church leaders, were learning that the problem with the church was more complex than mere generational issues. We had discovered that the church had a huge cultural problem as well. That problem would only be resolved as we understood ourselves as missionaries to a postmodern world. Just as missionaries to third world countries, we had to learn the “language” of the culture before we could communicate the Gospel to it. And like many third world missionaries have learned, the only way to really learn a language is by immersing oneself into that culture, not by studying it in a book.

I learned that lesson first hand during my short-term missionary trip to Honduras, described in myprevious post. Because I had taken a couple of years of Spanish language in high school, everyone in the group looked to me to translate whenever our host missionary was not around. I was lost. One day at a restaurant, I ordered in Spanish for everyone n our group. I am fairly certain that half of the group did not get what they wanted for lunch that day as a result of my poor book-learned Spanish. But by the end of our trip though, after living in the midst of the culture day in and day out, I was becoming rather conversant in Spanish, really for the first time. Immersion in the culture really is the best way to learn its language.

Likewise with the postmodern culture of today’s North America. We learn to “speak the culture’s language” by immersing ourselves in the culture – by living in and around its people each day. We don’t learn the language of the culture by locking ourselves away and studying it. For many Christ followers, this is a harsh reality because we’ve been taught that to become holy we must isolate ourselves from the popular culture and be with other Christians. And there is some truth to that, of course. Yet there comes a time when we have to be mature enough to go out on our mission, immerse ourselves in the “dirty, rotten” culture, learn its language, become conversant, and engage in meaningful dialogue.

The church has a problem – a cultural issue – that is only resolved when we understand ourselves as missionaries to a postmodern North America.

But once again, by the time I had begun to re-organize my life to be consistent with the realization, I had discovered that the cultural problem was not the whole problem with the church, but merely one stretch of the journey home. The road was twisting and turning again. And the next stretch of journey, one I had not anticipated at all, would be larger than anything I could have ever imagined. Let’s just say the road had a blind, hairpin turn that shocked me. I didn’t see it coming. And it rocked my little world.

I'll explain that in my next post.

2009-03-01T21:28:00.003-05:00

Reflecting (on) What’s Wrong

A 21st Century Disciple’s Full-Circle Journey
To Discover What Is Wrong With the Church

(*Note: This is the first of what will be a series of posts. As more and more are posted, it will be necessary to read this one first, then the one above it, etc. -- bottom to top -- to get the logical flow of the narrative).

I. PRE-REFLECTIONS

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 1 Corinthians 13:12

Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what is says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he look like. James 2:23-24

As water reflects a face so a man’s heart reflects the man. Proverbs 27:19

The flight gave me time to relax and reflect. I was a junior in high school. I had just spent a week on a short-term mission trip to the rural mountains of Honduras. I had gone with a group of volunteers from my church. We had spent the week serving the people: building a school, planting trees, serving meals, and teaching Bible studies. As I relaxed on the plane and reflected on the week that was, my emotions soared higher than the jetliner. I felt like, for the first time in my young life, I had done something that really mattered. I liked that feeling. I vowed to myself that I would spend my life doing something that really mattered. I wanted the exhilaration of that week to carry over into the rest of my days.

Perhaps I was naïve. That plane would stay at 35,000 feet for a couple of hours. My spiritual high would last a bit longer, but not much. Still, that moment launched a journey for me that would take me to places I had never dreamed, both geographically and intellectually. The pages to follow describe the twists and turns from that ongoing journey, written nearly twenty years after that flight from Honduras to the United States.

Less than two years later I was enrolled as a freshman at Cincinnati Christian University (then called Cincinnati Bible College & Seminary). I had decided to go to college there three weeks before classes started in the fall of 1989. The decision was directly connected to my feelings on that airplane – I wanted to do something that really mattered with my life. I did not know exactly what. Many people who were in my freshman class were there to be preachers or youth pastors. I did not think that either of those was exactly my calling. Preaching would be enjoyable to me, but spending my days “pastoring,” at least as I had seen that role played out by others, did not fit who I was. A few people who were in my freshmen class were there to be third-world missionaries. They were prepared to go live among the poor and present the Gospel. I did not think that was exactly my calling either. My experience in Honduras, and other similar trips to Haiti, were great in my mind. But I did not think I had the skills needed for that life. I was not the type of person who could do whatever it took to survive among the natives and build the church literally with my hands from the ground up. I might recognize a screwdriver two out of three times when I saw one, but I was not the jack-of-all-trades that made for a great third world missionary. I also enjoy the luxuries of the United States – who am I kidding. But still, something tugged at my heart enough to cause me to cancel my plans to go to Indiana University and study journalism and then law. Something tugged at my heart to make me return my first semester school books, cancel my enrollment at Indiana University, and then enroll at a small, relatively unknown seminary. I just could not tell you exactly what it was.

Two years later I still did not know exactly what I was preparing for by going to seminary. But somewhere in the midst of attending classes, studying, and spending time with friends, I had become engrossed by something that I had observed. There was a big question forming in my mind that was demanding more and more of my attention. I am not certain how it started, or how it grew into such a big issue for me, but it did. Everywhere I looked I was confronted with it.

To put it succinctly, I was sensing that something was wrong. Something was wrong with “the church.” The more I studied church and things related to it, and the more I visited a wide variety of congregations and observed what was happening within them, this realization formulated in my mind.

In some ways, I had known this for years that despite all of the wonderful things about the church, that there was something still missing. I had been aware of this deep within myself for some time, but I had never been aware of it enough to articulate it. But during those years as an undergrad in Bible College, was becoming more evident.

Something was wrong with the church. It was not a total loss, by any means. But something just did not feel right. But what exactly was it? And, once identified, what could be done about it? This became my focus – my obsession – for years to come. For better or for worse, discovery and remedying the problem with the church became a driving motivator in my ministry.

Lest I sound overly pessimistic and overly critical, let me clarify that fact that I had, at that point, never been one to bash the church or be overly critical of her people. In fact, if anything, as I child I probably naively thought of the church as pure and perfect. I set myself up for disillusionment by expecting the church to be divine in all respects.

So I was fascinated when I was able to articulate that something was wrong with the church. It was kind of like that feeling one has when one recognizes his own limitations – like the first time as a kid when you are cut from an athletic team and come face-to-face with the reality that you will not get to be a professional athlete someday. It’s a humbling realization, but you find a way to adjust and move on with life. I remember in junior high school when I attended try-outs for the basketball team. There were so many of us trying out that I hardly got to touch a ball during try-outs, and I therefore assumed the coaching staff would not know enough about me to risk losing me at the first round of cuts. Was I ever wrong! I guess the coaches were able to risk that a short, slow, rather unathletic person like me would not become a basketball legend in spite of them. Yet still, I remember my genuine surprise when my name was not posted on the locker room door among those who were invited back to continue the selection process. It required a hard swallow on my part to get that one down. Reality changed for me. Similarly, I was losing a piece of my innocence when I was able to articulate that something was wrong with the church, and that I wanted to be part of the problem’s solution.

Now, how did I arrive at point where I could finally articulate that something was wrong with the church? For an entire year, I traveled with touring music and drama group from my college. The group was made up of actors, singers, and musicians. But my role was different – I was the “road manager” which meant that I made the travel arrangements for the group and I got to stand up at the end of our program each evening and plead for the audience to give money to help support our college. I am a fairly organized person, and I enjoy public speaking, so this particular role suited me well. We traveled all over the United States during the summer between my junior and senior year of college. We also traveled every other weekend during the school year. We performed primarily at churches. During our touring that year, I got to visit over fifty churches in at least twenty different states. The wide variety of churches I visited was interesting. I saw a wide variety of ministry styles in a wide variety of ministry settings from the east coast, the Midwest, the deep south, the mountain west, the west coast, rural settings, urban settings, and suburban settings. We visited a few churches that were over one hundred years old, and one church that was less than one year old. We had our vehicles vandalized in a rough section of Los Angeles one night, and were spoiled in suburban wealth in Costa Mesa the next night. It was quite an education for a person like me.

But in the midst of these greatly diverse types of churches, something was not right. And it made me aware that all my life filled with church experiences, which had been mostly positive, was still incomplete somehow. Something was missing. Something was wrong. And it was not something that could be ignored and accepted.

I would embark on a long-term journey to figure out what was wrong – and to be involved in fixing it. The next section of these writings contains a brief glance at the various issues that I came across as I tried to find what exactly was wrong with the church. It was not as simple as I first imagined.

2009-02-21T19:37:00.000-05:00

Feeling Fortunate

Law firms are laying off attorneys like crazy right now, especially new attorneys who have relatively little experience. The large firms here in Indy are making headlines for trimming support staff and associate attorneys like crazy. I read an article yesterday about all the out-of-work attorneys applying for paralegal jobs (which is roughly the equivalent of doctors applying for nursing jobs).

I have had the good fortune of going with two other attorneys to launch a new practice during this economic downturn. It is good fortune because we already had our clients firmly established (thanks to the other two, much more "senior," attorneys I work with). It was also good fortune because we made the decision to start out with one attorney and one assistant less than we thought we would need in order to assure we got off on solid financial footing. So, we have all been putting in lots of hours to make up for that, but so far we have remained (knock on wood) mostly recession-proof as a result of that decision.

I feel fortunate, or perhaps I should say blessed, that I have been taken care of during this absolutely hideous economy. And although I have no idea what tomorrow brings in the current economic landscape, I'm starting to sense that God is trying to teach me that he'll take care of me, regardless of the circumstances, whether raising money to fund a new ministry start-up venture, or trying to make it as a "young" attorney in a world where all the young attorneys are getting fired. I am slow learner, though.

2009-02-09T19:49:00.000-05:00

How I'm Adjusting to Midwest Winters (slightly edited for audiences of all ages)

Dear Diary:

Aug. 12 - Moved into our new home in Indiana . It is so beautiful here. The hills and river valleys are so picturesque. I have a beautiful old oak tree in my front yard. Can hardly wait to see the change in the seasons. This is truly God's Country.

Oct. 14 - Indiana is such a gorgeous place to live, one of the real special places on Earth. The leaves are turning a multitude of different colors. I love all of the shades of reds, oranges and yellows, they are so bright. I want to walk through all of the beautiful hills and spot some white tail deer.. They are so graceful, certainly they must be the most peaceful creatures on Earth. This must be paradise.

Nov. 11 - Deer season opens this week. I can't imagine why anyone would want to shoot these elegant animals. They are the very symbol of peace and tranquility here in Indiana . I hope it snows soon. I love it here!

Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. I woke to the usual wonderful sight: everything covered in a beautiful blanket of white. The oak tree is magnificent. It looks like a postcard. We went out and swept the snow from the steps and driveway. The air is so crisp, clean and refreshing. We had a snowball fight. I won, and the snowplow came down the street. He must have gotten too close to the driveway because we had to go out and shovel the end of the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Nature in harmony. I love it here!

Dec. 12 - More snow last night. I love it! The plow did his cute little trick again. What a rascal. A winter wonderland. I love it here!

Dec. 19 - More snow - couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work in time. I'm exhausted from all of the shoveling. And that snowplow!

Dec. 21 - More of that white @#$% coming down. I've got blisters on my hands and a kink in my back. I think that the snowplow driver waits around the corner until I'm done shoveling the driveway.

Dec. 25 - White Christmas? More freakin' snow. If I ever get my hands on the %^&*( who drives that snowplow, I swear I'll castrate him. And why don't they use more salt on these roads to melt this crap??

Dec. 28 - It hasn't stopped snowing since Christmas. I have been inside since then, except of course when that SOB "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere, cars are buried up to the windows. Weather man says to expect another 10 inches. Do you have any idea how many shovelfuls 10 inches is??

Jan. 1 - Happy New Year? The way it's coming down it won't melt until the 4th of July! The snowplow got stuck down the road and he actually had the nerve to come and ask to borrow a shovel! I told him I'd broken six already this season.

Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house. We went to the store to get some food and a @#$% deer ran out in front of my car and I hit the _________. It did $3,000 in damage to the car. Those beasts ought to be killed. The hunters should have a longer season if you ask me.

Jan. 27 - Warmed up a little and rained today. The rain turned the snow into ice and the weight of it broke the main limb of the oak tree in the front yard and it went through the roof. I should have cut that old piece of @#$% into fireplace wood when I had the chance.

May 23 - Took my car to the local garage. Would you believe the whole underside of the car is rusted away from all of that _____ salt they dump on the road? Car looks like a bashed up, heap of rusted cow @#$%.

May 10 - Sold the car, the house, and moved to Marco Island, Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in their freakin' mind would ever want to live in the God forsaken State of Indiana.

2009-02-07T15:44:00.000-05:00

Good Things

Niles is sleeping better at night the last couple of nights. (Knock on wood.)

The five-day weather forecast includes all highs AND LOWS above freezing. Compared to what we have had lately, it feels like tropical paradise. Well, almost.

I went out and bought a copy of Turbo Tax, and spent most of today (and part of last Saturday) entering info. It appears we are in line for a very nice tax refund, which will absolutely save us in light of all of Niles' medical bills. This is truly a blessing and a weight off our shoulders.

Because Lucas has now gotten totally into Star Wars, we have been watching all six episodes in order (five down, one to go), which I have never done before. It has taken us several weekends, but it has been fun stuff. Actually, Rebekah and Tori have watched quite a bit of it, as well. It has been fun for me to anwer their questions about the story-line and the creatures (and to admit on some of them that I don't know the answer, but Doug Citizen would).

Out of nowhere, my brother Jason and his wife Melissa have offered to watch all three kids so Rebekah and I can go out for Valentine's Day. A very nice surprise.

My mom and dad gave Rebekah some much needed help on Friday, watching Niles, entertaining Luc, and my dad has been fixing a few things around the house. Very good timing on all of the above.

And Tori is going to help me organize some work documents later today, which is also very helpful.

OK, so far I have been nothing but positive in this entire entry. I'll end now before I go and blow it.

2009-02-05T22:15:00.000-05:00

The Boys of Summer Are Coming!

Just over a week until pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training! It snuck up on me this year.

That's exciting news.

2009-01-31T13:32:00.000-05:00

We Are Now "Those People"

This is a time when we are now the ones who don't return phone calls and e-mails promptly enough not to seem rude. It's a time when we are very happy to just sit at home with no plans. It's a time when we get strange looks from people when we explain we just can't commit to anything right now. It's a time when other people feel the need to make sure I'm doing alright, instead of the other way around.

All of this has come about because we had a baby, not to mention a baby who spent time in the hospital. But more than that, this came about because we crossed some magical threshold by having our third kid. OK, those of you who have three or more kids who always used to get that look from us, now we get it! It is totally different, and we are understanding that now. It's a bigger transition than going from one to two for some still somewhat mysterious reason. It's one of those things you cannot possibly understand unless you go through it.

And, just for fun, I'm one month into starting a new law practice in the midst of a very tricky economy, which also has contributed to us now being "those people" that we always used to wonder why they were so distant and non-committal. We are that now, and we cannot even feel bad about it. Even if we did feel bad about, there's not a thing in the world we can do about it.

I work and I spend time with the kids. That's all there is time for (actually, there is still not enough time to adequately do those two things).

I'm not complaining. I'm thrilled with both decisions (to have Niles, and to join in on the staring of this firm). I would not make either decision differently if given the opportunity to go back.

I'm just processing, electronically, the reality of life right now. But now I must go . . . . the boy is screaming bloody murder so no more blogging for a while . . . . . . .

2009-01-09T20:27:00.000-05:00

In the Whirlwind of New Creations

Been busy launching a new person's life and launching a new law firm.

Actually, other people have had a whole lot to do with both of those things (Rebekah for Niles & my co-horts for the firm), but still both of these "new" creations have managed to keep me busier than a healthy, balanced person would be.

So be it for now.

2008-12-31T19:02:00.000-05:00

2009 Marks New Beginnings for Me

Not only are we celebrating Niles arrival this New Year, but I am also part of a new work venture that is, coincidentally, launching at the beginning of 2009.

I am now working for the law firm of Cruser, Mitchell, and Gaston. Four of us (three attorneys and one legal assistant) are excited to announce that we are starting out on this new venture together effective immediately.

We are launching a satellite office here in Indiana for a firm that currently is based in Atlanta with existing satellites in New Jersey, New York, and Florida. We are very fortunate to be taking almost all of the cases we have already been working on with us, which will greatly help us in getting off the ground.

Our offices will be located at 98th and Keystone, for those who know the Indianapolis Area.

I am excited because it is a new start-up venture, which seems to be the kind of thing I always find my way into. As we grow in the future, it will be rewarding to have been in on the ground floor of something. It will also be a lot of work as we strive to become profitable in our first year -- a huge undertaking in this current economy.

So, between Niles entering the world, and this new venture, this New Year really is a new beginning in many ways for me.

2008-12-25T10:07:00.000-05:00

Even Though Things Don't Look or Feel Just Right

"Somehow I realized that songs, music, good feelings, beautiful liturgies, nice presents, big dinners, and many sweet words do not make Christmas.

Christmas is saying 'yes' to something beyond all emotions and feelings. Christmas is saying 'yes' to a hope based on God's initiative, which has nothing to do with what I think or fee. Christmas is believing that the salvation of the world is God's work and not mine.

Things will never look just right or feel just right. If they did, someone would be lying . . . .

But it is into this broken world that a child is born who is called Son of the Most High, Prince of Peace, Savior."

-Henri Nouwen

Yes, I'm there. We've had all the things listed already this year (songs, good feelings, Christmas Eve Services, nice presents, big dinners, etc.). Yet Tori said to me last night, "It still doesn't feel like Christmas yet." I think that is because she has seen us radically change our Christmas traditions in recent years (two years ago we lived in Vegas and had Christmas traditions with our "family" there, last year we changed it all to our new Indiana traditions with our extended families here, and this year those new traditions were already altered as we have focused on Niles and his needs this month). That takes away some of the sentimentality of the season, which is a strange feeling. Yet that is good. Our family has had the blessing of learning that Christmas isn't just a sentimental feeling that comes from the routine of traditions (though those are not all bad).

We are learning that Christmas means a little more. And out of this experience, I am sure, we will settle into new traditions soon enough, and the sentimental feelings will return. I hope we never forget what we've learned these past few years, though.

2008-12-18T20:59:00.000-05:00

What's In A Name

It is a challenge to find a first & middle name that Rebekah and I both like, and that has a meaning which bestows a blessing on our child. We are excited about our new buddy's name:

Niles = Champion

Ethan = Strong One

And the other kids' names, as well:

Lucas = bright light

Brant = fiery torch

Victoria (Tori) = Victory

Michelle = One who is like God

2008-12-14T19:30:00.000-05:00

Niles Came Home Today!!!

2008-12-13T20:31:00.000-05:00

Update on Niles

The boy is doing much better. He's off all assitance now, and is merely being monitored to ensure that he is feeding properly for a couple of days. He should be home by Monday if things continue the way they are going. Thanks for your prayers.

By the way, the boy is very cool. I like him a lot.

It has been one of the most chaotic weeks of my life. We've had the surprise of the early delivery of a baby, the stress of him being in the NICU, the responsibility of making sure Tori and Lucas have been taken care of (although lots of people are to be thanked for helping us with that) and, to top it all off, I had some pre-trial motions due at the end of the week. Outside of some serious fatigue, though, Rebekah and I have come through it pretty well. She has been at the hospital as much as possible to feed him in order to get him to the place where he can be released.

I think we may be through making babies at this point. The last two have been interesting adventures.

2008-12-09T11:21:00.000-05:00

The Waiting Place

Here is some stuff from Nouwen that really speaks to me right now, as we await Christmas, and as we wait for Niles to be out of the NICU and in our arms, where he belongs:

“Waiting, as we see it in the people on the first pages of the Gospel, is waiting with a sense of promise. ‘Zechariah, ... your wife Elizabeth is to bear a son.’ ‘Mary,… Listen! You are to conceive and bear a son’ (Luke 1:13,31). People who wait have received a promise that allows them to wait. They have received something that is at work in them, like a seed that has started to grow. This is very important. We can only really wait if what we are waiting for has already begun for us. So waiting is never a moment from nothing to something. It is always a movement from something to something more.

“Waiting is active. Most of us think of waiting as something very passive, a hopeless state determined by events totally out of our hands... But there is none of this passivity in scripture. Those who are waiting are waiting very actively. They know that what they are waiting for is growing from the ground on which they are standing. That’s the secret. The secret of waiting is the faith that the seed has been planted, that something has begun. Active waiting means to be present fully to the moment, in the conviction that something is happening where you are and that you want to be present to it. A waiting person is someone who is present to the moment, who believes that this moment is the moment.

“A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something is hidden there will manifest itself to us ... Patient living means to live actively in the present and wait there (consider Elizabeth, Zechariah, Mary).

“Waiting is open-handed ...To wait open-endedly is an enormously radical attitude toward life. So is to trust that something will happen to us that is far beyond our own imaginings. So, too, is giving up control over our future and letting God define our life, trusting that God molds us according to God’s love and not according to our fear… That, indeed, is a very radical stance toward life in a world preoccupied with control.”

2008-12-07T19:27:00.000-05:00

Niles Ethan Hubbard

At 2:17 PM on Sunday, December 7, we welcomed our new little buddy into the world. He was 6 pounds and 5 ounces, and 19 inches long.

Please send up some prayers for him -- although everything looked great immediately after delivery, he was admitted to the neonatal intensive care unit a couple of hours later. He has a few respiratory issues, apparently similar to what Lucas had. Although he should be fine, we don't know exactly when he will come come.

2008-12-06T18:25:00.000-05:00

"One Small Child"

is a Christmas song don't hear as often as many others, but the words have a depth that I really like:

One small child in a land of a thousand
One small dream of a Savior tonight
One small hand reaching out to the starlight
One small Savior of love
One small Savior of love

One king bringing his gold and his riches
One king ruling an army of might
One king kneeling with incense and candlelight
One king bringing us life
One king bringing us life

See the shepherds kneeling before Him
See the king's on bended knee
See the mother praising the Father
See His tiny eylids fall

One small child in a land of a thousand
One small dream of a Savior tonight
One small hand reaching out to the starlight
One small Savior of life
One small Savior of life

2008-11-30T11:42:00.000-05:00

Wayne Says Relax

Below are some notes from a talk I heard Wayne Jacobsen give years ago. This is just the skeleton, missing some of the explanations, but pretty good stuff. Lately I notice a tendency for living out sin management Christianity (trying harder and harder and harder to sin less, to the point it starts to become lifeless and ridiculous) and performance-based Christianity, which is really like living by law (we've become more like the Jews than the Gentiles as they are referred to in the book of Galatians, for example).

Anyway, here's the notes I took from Wayne years ago. It addresses both issues (sin management and performance-based Christianity):

=============================

Attributes God is Producing in Us

1) Living by love, not by principles.

2) Living in growing trust, no in anxiety/performance.

"What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way He works fuss over these things, but you know God and how He works . . . ." Luke 12:27ff (The Message)

3) Living in God's purpose instead of the tyranny of our own agenda.

1 Peter 4:1-2 (especially as phrased in The Message)

4) Living in the moment, not in the future.

All our anxieties are about the imagined future. God is not in that; He's in the present.
Best way God can get us where He wants us in six months is not to tell us.

5) Living in His power, not our efforts.

1 Corinthians 12, Philippians 3
Waking up every morning and asking God "what are we doing today?"

6) Living in community, not in independence

We've been raising Christians in "orphanages" more than in "families." Those raised in such a way don't know they matter in the world.

7) Living generously and graciously in the world.

John 16:8 - It is the "Counselor's" job (not mine) to convict the world of guilt.
The way that Jesus lived, people enjoyed being around Him.
If evangelism has become an obligation to you, then stop!

2008-11-23T09:12:00.000-05:00

Transforming Mission, by David Bosch

This is one of the most important books I have ever read, though it was several years ago (2001?). The title itself has a double meaning:

"mission" itself transforms people and things, and
we as the church need to transform our understanding of the word "mission"

Though bits and pieces will not do the book justice, here are some highlights to ponder nonetheless:

Until the 16th century, the term mission was used exclusively with reference to the doctrine of the Trinity, that is, of the sending of the Son by the Father, and of the Holy Spirit by the Father, and of the Holy Spirit by the Son.

It may . . . be more accurate to refer to the Bible as the Acts of God rather than call it the Word of God.

In the book of Matthew, mission means disciple-making

to all "ethne" -- nations.

In the books of Luke and Acts, mission means practicing forgiveness and solidarity with the poor

Luke 4:16-21 is the key test
to interpret the work of the church as the 'winning of souls' is to make conversion into a final product, which flatly contradicts Luke's understanding of the purpose of mission . . . salvation actually has six dimensions: 1) economic, 2) social, 3) political, 4) physical, 5) psychological, 6) spiritual.

In the writings of Paul, mission is an invitation to join the end times community

[The Good News] is the proclamation of a new state of affairs that God has initiated in Christ, one that concerns the nations and all of creation, and that climaxes in the celebration of God's final glory.
In Paul's writings, the 'righteousness of God' is to be interpreted as gift to the community, not to the individual, for the individual believer does not exist in isolation (this emerges in the 2 letters to the Corinthians).

Missio Dei (the mission of God):

. . . mission is not primarily an activity of the church, but an attribute of God . . . . There is church because there is mission, not vice versa. To participate in mission is to participate in the movement of God's love toward people, since God is a fountain of sending love.
Therefore, the church's purpose is service to the Missio Dei, representing God in and over against the world, pointing to God, holding up the God-child before the eyes of the world in a ceaseless celebration . . . .

Incarnation:

often in the our culture the inculturation process has been so 'successful' that Christianity has become nothing more than the religious dimension of culture -- listening to the church, society hears only the sound of its own music. Our culture has often domesticated the gospel in its own culture while making it unnecessarily foreign to other cultures. In a very real sense, however, the gospel is foreign to every culture. It will always be a sign of contradiction.
There is a tendency in Protestantism to stress the vertical relationship between God and the individual in such a way that it is distinct from the horizontal relationship between people; however, the 'vertical line' is also a covenant line with the community.

2008-11-22T11:37:00.000-05:00

Why do I keep throwing this idea out when most days it seems nobody I know agrees with me?

"An entire book could be filled with examples of how people pathologically escape from their ambivalence by running with only one side of it. Suffice it to say that the healthiest response is usually to live with it -- to live with the existential suffering of uncertainty and conflictual feelings . . . . the healthiest resolution of deep ambivalence requires facing it over an extended period of time and with a great deal of psychospiritual work including often the work of depression."

--M. Scott Peck

(because I'm deeply convicted it is true, and that it is a huge blindspot that hurts us greatly)

2008-11-15T09:40:00.000-05:00

Thoughts to Ponder (Related, and Yet Not)

"When God was merciful to us, we learned to be merciful with our brothers. When we received forgiveness instead of judgment, we, too, were made ready to forgive our brothers. What God did to us, we then owed to others." --Dietrich Bonhoeffer

". . . the proof of spiritual maturity is not how 'pure' you are but awareness of your impurity." --Philip Yancey

"I've decided I'm against abortion. I think it's murder. But I . . much prefer the pro-choice to the pro-life people. I'd rather eat dinner with a group of the former." --Andy Rooney

2008-11-09T16:26:00.000-05:00

Revisiting Reading Notes from the Past, Part 2

"When Jesus asked people to 'repent and believe' the gospel, he was not asking them to be sorry for their sins and to embrace an orthodox theology.

He was asking them to forfeit their own agenda and embrace his. That's the invitation to the Kingdom.

It is not whether we want to go to heaven or hell but whether we want to trust God or continue trusting ourselves."

---

"The motives of conformity do not produce intimacy. This is where organized religion so often gets it backwards and why so many people . . . remain so distant from God and so unchanged in their character.

We think conformity to God's way will lead us closer to him, when the opposite is true. Our intimate relationship with him is what will transform us. Fearing God can compel us to conform our behavior to his desires, but it will not last . . .

The behavior that results only lasts as long as the fear itself, which is why those who approach it this way will need greater fears to stay motivated . . . There is nothing more critical to spiritual growth than making this transition.

John concludes, 'The one who fears is not made perfect in love.' (1 John 4:18)"

--He Loves Me by Wayne Jacobsen

2008-11-01T12:17:00.000-04:00

Sharing From My Reading

I have two file folders full of notes from books that have deeply impacted me over the past 15 years or so. I get excited when I pull out those notes and read through them. It makes me want to share those thoughts with others, even if others may at times disagree. So I think I will start using this forum for that purpose. At least for awhile. I'll start with the Politics of Jesus by John Howard Yoder, because, after all, this is a time when we all have politics on the brain. This is refreshing stuff that won't help you at all with your decision come Tuesday, November 4! Yet, maybe indirectly, it will help after all.

One of his basic points, as I remember it, is that instead of trying to control the world around you through government, the church (that's us) should just do what Jesus did: don't resist the powers that be, and if they kill you (so to speak), then trust God to raise you up and help you overcome it all. It is a bit of a call to pacifism, yet once you read it, you might find it more appealing (and, frankly, more Biblical) then you used to.

"There is nothing greater that the Church can do for society than to be a center in which small groups of persons are together entering into this experience of renewal and giving each other mutual support in Christian living and action in secular spheres."

"When read carefully, none of the biblical apocalypses . . . is about either pie in the sky or Russians in Mesopotamia. They are about how the crucified Jesus is a more adequate key to understanding what God is about in the real world of empires and armies and markets than is the ruler of Rome (or, the United States), with all his supporting military, commercial, and sacerdotal networks."

2008-10-25T10:54:00.000-04:00

Change is in the Air

And I don't just mean the weather.

Without airing too much of other peoples' dirty laundry, I will just say that not all of the partners in the law firm I am working for are willing to continue working with each other, so change is coming. Sometime in the first quarter of 2009 I may be part of that change. Though I do not like uncertainty, I do like the excitement of potential new challenges. I may get to be part of a new challenge. I'm sure I will have more to write about this in the weeks ahead.

What's very interesting to me is that the dynamics of my current workplace are almost identifical to the dynamics among the staff of a new church plant I was part of in New Jersey in the mid 90's. Same stuff, just in a different professional setting. How bizarre. People are people regardless of what line of work they are in.

2008-10-18T11:54:00.000-04:00

Being the Church

This article could be an introduction to what I would write on the same topic. I would add a lot more to it. If I ever have the time and energy, I'll finish some writings I've already been working on that complete this "introduction" that someone else has written.

2008-10-18T10:38:00.000-04:00

One Year Anniversary

I've been a practicing attorney for one year now. What have I learned being an attorney is really all about so far? It's:

10% about having learned the law (or how to research the law you need to know on a given day),

10% about having the license that gives you permission to speak or write before a court, and

80% about rolling up your sleeves and being willing to do whatever it takes to help people and companies get out of the messes they are unable and/or unwilling to get out of on their own.

2008-10-11T10:48:00.000-04:00

An Easy Decision '08?

"Yes, young evangelical Christians do care deeply about moral issues, but within the context of equally important broader issues, such as social justice, care for our planet, and compassionate concern for the poor.

Many evangelical Christians concluded that poverty wasn't their problem, wasn't important, and wasn't solvable . . . .

There are about 2,000 verses in the Bible that speak about the poor and the injustice that is often the cause of their suffering. God is clear about how this grieves Him and what He expects us to do about it. There are more verses about poverty than about heaven and hell combined . . . .

Younger Christians don't wrestle with with the either/or of ministering to body and soul but rather embrace the both/and, as Jesus did. They are not willing to let stand the narrow, negative labels by which others would define them but instead are creating a new definition as Christians whose faith naturally compels them to positively and personally engage in our suffering world."

-Wes Stafford, Compassion International, in a recent article in Compassion magazine

There are some Catholics thinking along the same lines as well. Check out the website for Catholics United, especially the flyer entitled "Pro-Life Means All Life."

2008-10-10T17:41:00.000-04:00

SNL Weekend Update Thursday

This made me laugh out loud twice: first, when McCain wandered in front of the camera when Obama was talking (I guess you had to see the actual debate) and, of course, the question from Bill Murray about the Cubs, and his hopeless look after the candidates' responses! I needed that laugh!

http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/update-thursday-debate-open/742065/

2008-10-05T11:46:00.000-04:00

Wow, Didn't See That Coming
(eulogizing the '08 Cubs)

Cubs swept in the first round. They didn't even show up.

You can't win in the playoffs when . . .

. . . you commit four errors in one game;

. . . you walk seven hitters in one game;

. . . you only score six runs in three games;

. . . your two best hitters both produce absolutely nothing;

. . . your supposed superstar pitchers don't dominate.

What's tough about this one is, that for the first time in twenty five years of rooting, I really don't believe they will be better next year. And that's because they were (at least in the regular season) so good this year, winning 97 games and thumping their opposition on a regular basis. It takes some good fortune to make the playoffs three years in a row. Who knows if they will? And both Big Z and Harden have arm problems that will have to be dealt with at some point, which means some lean times. Even if they overcome the odds and make the postseason next year, this roster has some tragic flaws that may not get fixed this offseason since the team looks, on the surface, like it is so good.

Also, for the first time ever, I really wonder if that curse thing might be more than a silly notion. I really do. Just in case, how about a special promo game next year where nobody gets in without a real live goat? Maybe Bill Grogan could throw out the first pitch?

Back to my life as it was before. I watched a lot of games this summer thinking this was the year. Now I'll watch summer fade to autumn. I'll always be a fan, but I'm just not sure they really will be better next year. Not this time. I'll be more guarded in my optimism than in the past. Yet you can't quit on them. Even if it doesn't happen for a few more decades. The more the disappointment builds, the more glorious the celebration will be. And there will be few true die hards who persevere. Just not sure anymore it will this particular group of guys who will get it done. They have had their chances and they have not capitalized. I may have to wait for another round of getting really bad, then rebuilding, then going on a run again. I'll be there. But I'm not about to tell you I believe it will be next year. Not this time.

2008-09-28T13:02:00.000-04:00

My Own Cynical Sound-Bites on Lawyering
(to be taken with a grain of salt, of course)

"Everybody hates a lawyer until they need one."

"There are two groups of people in the world that I don't always trust, pastors and lawyers, and I have now been one of each. "

"My job is to defend liars against the liars who sue them."

2008-09-26T19:04:00.000-04:00

My Kind of Fun, Times Two
(ramblings about my favorite band and my favorite team)

First, a few weeks ago Rebekah and I went to see Journey in concert at an outdoor venue just north of Indianapolis. I last saw the band in 1986. I'm a huge fan of their music, the stuff from the mid-70's before they were famous, the stuff in the late 70's and early 80's that made them hugely famous, the stuff that was on those same albums that nobody but serious Journey fans listened to that made them a truly great and very much under-appreciated band, the stuff from their reunion album in 1996 and the stuff from the new era in the 2000's, and most definitely their brand new CD.

They were extremely tight. They surpised the heck out of us all by playing not only their legendary dozen or so songs, but also mixing in some totally unexpected old deep cuts, and some new stuff as well. The band has tried several lead vocalists since Steve Perry refused to come back, and after several so-so attempts they have finally found a guy who can actually pull it off in Arnel Pineda. In fact, his youth allows him to actually sing the stuff with power, which unfortunately Perry, now in his 60's, likely could no longer do even if he were so inclined.

The big surpises were they played "Lo Do Da" from Infinity (rocked like nothing else), "Chain Reaction" from Frontiers, "Escape," the title track of the album Escape (a song I've only come to fully appreciate in the past few years, so really nice to hear it included in the set), and "Feeling That Way / Anytime," a song that originally featured Greg Rollie on vocals -- dating back to before Perry was the man. All great songs that I never expected to hear.

The new stuff is also high quality -- a great mix of jazz, rhythm and blues, power balads, and flat out guitar-driven rock. "Change For the Better" absolutely rocked the house.

Those that labelled this band as corporate rock should listen to the stuff from before and after the "corporate" years, and also listen to the deep cuts on the albums during the corporate years. It's good to see them back, and to see them pulling off concerts at the same level as they did in the early 80's.

Second, I got the call from my brother-in-law Mike today. He works for the Atlanta Braves. He called and said the words I've been longing to hear: "If I can get a couple of World Series tickets at Wrigley, are you in?" The team has their best chance of getting there this year than in any of the years I've followed them (dating back to the early 80s). They have clinched home field advantage through the National League playoffs. They have a combo of power, speed, offensive approach, defense, deep starting pitching (even though I think Big Z's arm is still hurting), and the best one-two bullpen combo in baseball right now in Marmol and Wood. They really could do it. Sweet Lou is an old school manager who is not afaid to play the hot hand, no matter who that is or isn't. I smell a shot at glory. After two and a half decades of suffering with these guys, I can't even imagine being at the Friendly Confines for a Fall Classic.

And if Mike comes through with a couple of WS tix at Wrigley, I'll owe him more than words can say.

Strange that these two fun things in my life come now that I am back here in the Midwest, the place where I first fell in love with this band and this team. There is something sentimental about it -- something that is helping me connect the past with the future. It's also just a whole lot of fun.

2008-09-14T19:46:00.000-04:00

Survived Ike

We sustained damage from Ike!

Not that I want to make light of those who suffered real damage, but . . .

Part of my neighbor's tree, which split in the trunk during high winds, fell into my yard today. The winds were from the remnants of former Hurricane Ike as they rushed through Indiana earlier today.

2008-09-07T12:12:00.000-04:00

Quick Thoughts on All Manner of Things

Football is starting, but I'm so much more interested in baseball with the Cubs in position for a strong post-season run.

It's the stupid, small-money, the-parites-shouldn't-have-even-taken-this-to-the-courts cases that always become my biggest pain in the #$%^. Such is lawyering.

Politics is stupid, yet very entertaining, and both sides are so locked in to their own viewpoints that it is just silly. Yet it is important on some levels, and I am thinking about it a lot more than I care to admit.

My parents were on vacation in Mytrle Beach right when Hanna blew through. They stayed. They were fine. I couldn't believe it, though -- I would have been out of there.

We are having a baby in three and a half months! It doesn't seem real. We need to get busy on boys names pretty soon.

Lucas started pre-school. Crazy.

Tori is totally into her friends, and she's only nine. Yesterday there were more little girls at my house than I could keep track of.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: working as an attorney and working as a pastor are much more similar than one would think (or hope). People make it good sometimes and really bad sometimes.

I have a lot of deep thoughts and carefully worked out opinions about a lot of things. It is somewhat disappointing to find out that most people could care less and don't want to hear it. Such is life.

Overall, I have been a fortunate person so far in life with few serious problems and lots of great blessings. Yet the daily struggles of existence often keep one from recognizing such realities.

2008-08-16T16:11:00.000-04:00

Understanding this Season of Life

Work and be a dad. That is the majority of life during this season. And that's not really a bad thing. Just a different thing.

As I often reflect on life and think of the many different things I could do with my rather eclectic background of experiences and education, I realize that no matter which thing I chose to pursue, or where I might chose to purse it, the overall reality of these years, my late 30's, involve investing life into the kids, making a living, and doing things that revolve around those things.

So be it.

2008-07-17T08:45:00.000-04:00

The Three Monks of Tolstoy

Three Russian monks lived on a faraway island. Nobody ever went there, but one day their bishop decided to make a pastoral visit. When he arrived he discovered that the monks didn’t even know the Lord’s Prayer. So, he spent all his time and energy teaching them the “Our Father” and then left, satisfied with his pastoral work. But when his ship had left the island and was back in the open sea, he suddenly noticed the three hermits walking on the water – in fact, they were running after thee ship! When they reached it they cried, “Dear Father, we have forgotten the prayer you taught us.” The bishop, overwhelmed by what he was seeing and hearing, said, “But dear brothers, how then do you pray?” They answered, “Well, we just say, ‘Dear God, there are three of us and there are three of you, have mercy on us!'” The bishop, awestruck by their sanctity and simplicity, said, “Go back to your island and be at peace.”

2008-07-15T08:35:00.000-04:00

Home Sweet Home, Nationally Recognized

Fishers named 10th best by magazine
Provided by Sarah Rittman
Posted: July 14, 2008

The Town of Fishers has been named the 10th best place to live in the nation by Money Magazine issue released today.

Fishers officials will comment on being named the 10th best place to live at 11 a.m. today at the Fishers Town Hall Auditorium.Fishers is the only Indiana municipality named in the annual list, which details 100 American cities.

Note added by Greg: I'm pretty sure the top nine must be near an ocean!

2008-07-13T13:07:00.000-04:00

Wedding

I was honored to perform the nuptials for Rebekah's brother Michael and his bride Cinara this past weekend in Grand Rapids, MI. They are settling in the Atlanta area, and I hope we can find a way to hang out with them over the years. I think we will relate well to each other. Cinara is from Brazil, Michael is from western Michigan, and they are settling in the South.

That's more culturally confusing than my life, which is saying something. I think we will have stories to tell and perceptions to share.

2008-06-25T18:59:00.000-04:00

Another Installment of "Why I Love Baseball"

These are the saddest of possible words:"Tinker to Evers to Chance."Trio of bear cubs, and fleeter than birds,Tinker and Evers and Chance.Ruthlessly pricking our gonfalon bubble,Making a Giant hit into a double-Words that are heavy with nothing but trouble:"Tinker to Evers to Chance."

Long before there was even a Wrigley Field, or a song called "Take Me Out to the Ball Game," the Cubs were fabled in story and song.

Here's to the only sport that both my great, great grandfather and I have been able to watch.

2008-06-19T20:01:00.000-04:00

Revelation

I'm talking here about the new Journey CD. I've been a huge fan of the band since around 1980. All in all, if you combine all their stuff from the 70's through now, they are my favorite band of all time. I think they really play jazz and rhythm and blues cleverly disguised as rock and roll.

Someone else put it this way: "The one aspect of Journey that I fell in love with is the way that Perry's voice and Neil's guitar was able to convey such emotion and, the way they weaved that emotion into this huge landscape that propelled the band to the heights that they achieved. Put that emotional turbo charge with a high powered rhythm section and keyboards and Journey is what we got."

The new album, "Revelation," is growing on me with each listen. May be their best album in over 20 years. That's saying something.

Yet, the songwriting team of Perry / Cain / Schon will never be matched. They miss a little something by not having all three writing together.

I'll hold to my story that Escape is my all-time favorite recording, because it is really a rhythm and blues / jazz album that also rocks. It creates a mood. It makes me feel a wide variety of emotions. And it hasn't gotten old, even though it is over 25 years old.

2008-06-08T17:48:00.000-04:00

Writing

Writing is a wonderful creative release. And it is excruciating work.

For the first time in a couple of months, today I spent a little time on my project (my book, my treatise, my trash can liner, whatever it ends up becoming). I've got about 50 pages of raw something saved on my computer.

It's tough because:

every sentence I write I need to write several sentences trying to explain what I mean in case somebody reads it with a different understanding than I intended;
it takes so long to get it all written down (especially when the demands of life keep me away from it for long periods of time) that I fear it will no longer be timely or important by the time I get it done. Or, worst yet;
I won't even be in the same place by the time it's done (nothing worse that hating your own book the first time you read it); and
I write pages and pages of persuasive and technical legal briefs as part of my job, which takes away some of the passion for weekend writing.

Still, I enjoy writing it, and I'm just proud enough to think it will make a valuable contribution to the world if anybody ever bothers to read it.

2008-06-01T19:58:00.000-04:00

Rather Lengthy Ramblings on All Sorts of Things

Family: Rebekah is due in late December. She hasn't been feelilng great, but her health report has been excellent so far. It still seems surreal to me that we will have a new addition to the family later this year. Exciting, yet strange! Tori is taking group tennis lessons on Saturdays. She really turned a corner this past week and started consistently hitting her forehands over the net. Fun to watch her learn a sport. Lucas is playing t-ball. He always asks to bat first. I used to be embarrassed by his selfishness, but I'm starting to believe he might make a good lead-off hitter some day! He steps right up, hits the ball, and runs aggressively to first.

Sports: The Cubs have the best record in MLB on June 1 for the first time since 1908. That's also the last time they won the world series. 100 years on the money for a repeat? I like the sound of it. They also just won all seven games on their recent homestand. They haven't done that since 1970, which is the year I was born. Coincidence? I don't think so.

Church: We have been meeting with a house church that is tied in with Common Ground Christian Church in Broad Ripple. I went to college with Jeff Krajewski, who was the founding pastor of Common Ground.

We were just barely starting to form some bonds there, when the house church (for a vareity of reasons) decided to not meet over the summer. That frustrated me deeply, mainly because it makes me suspect that the group may not have completely embraced the same understanding of what simple church is that I have embraced. I think they are more in small group mode. But I really don't know them that well yet, and I certainly am not here to be a critic.

God seems to have shut several doors for us to quickly jump into something structured church-wise here (assuming that God works that way). So, I keep suspecting that we really are in a season when the four of us (soon to be five) are supposed to be church primarily with each other, and to keep waiting, watching, and preparing for what is next. I have had several interesting confirmations of that suspicion. It is both incredibly freeing, and incredibly weird at the same time. My current job, with my office so close to home, and our lack of serious church time commitments right now, are giving us as a family more time to really be together than we have ever had. Even though I feel weird about it, I think it may be a gift in disguise.

I really, really miss teaching, though. It is a gift laying dormant.

Political Soapboxing: I read through Obama and McCain's website statements on the issues. They both are pretty much what you would expect considering their respective party affiliations. Obama has lots of interesting and innovative ideas on how to attack some problems. Of course, they all look very expensive. McCain has less ideas, but that makes sense since he is more for less government intervention and the accompanying lower taxes. Obama says get out of Iraq. McCain says finish the job. McCain is pro-life and phrases his feelings on life issues in language that will endear conservative evangelicals. He is not in favor of much government intervention on environmental issues, but prefers to give businesses incentives to clean up their messes. Obama, just the opposite. He sees the woman as the oppressed person in the abortion debate, more so than the unborn fetus (just the opposite of the McCain position). Yet Obama is for a more aggressive governmental approach to cleaning up the environment. (My two cents on that: cleaning up the environment is every bit as much of a "life" issue as abortion. Both issues kill tons of people annually and must be addressed by those of us who claim to value life. Why do we think so many people are dying of horrible diseases, people of all ages? I'm sure environmental issues/corporate greed are at last a major part of the reason. I've said it before in this forum: we must be bold enough to say that both of those issues are important if we really are driven by a Kingdom politic, not a bipartisan one. And while I'm on my soap box, the Bible says an awful lot about the oppression of the poor. If we don't think that is an important political issue, one that deserves a ton of attention by us Kingdom-minded people, then we are just not being honest. Abortion is a huge issue. But it's not the only Kingdom issue. We must start using our brains. Maybe we need to get upset that neither major political party is really proposing a Kingdom agenda. Am I the only person who feels this way?)

McCain is as old as dirt. He would be 80 by the end of a second term.

Obama, on the other hand, is pretty raw and unproven in many ways.

I'm honestly surprised that the stances of both candidates are so similar to the stances of previous democrat and republican candidates. I'm shocked that we don't see more courage from candidates to say "I'm with my party's traditional position on this issue, but I'm on the other extreme on that issue." Very strange to me.

Don't know who I'll vote for. Not too worried about it yet. I predict, though, that Obama will win. Not sure that is really a very bold prediction. Seems pretty obvious.

2008-05-24T11:57:00.000-04:00

Journey Toward Intimacy

More stuff from Nouwen, with my two cents added:

"God-for-us" is basically the Old Testament understanding of God -- Him going to battle for His people.

"God-with-us" is the more intimate understanding of God that we get from Jesus coming to earth and become one of us to be near us.

"God-within-is" is the most intimate understanding of God that we get from the spirit being literally within His people.

So salvation history plays out God revealing Himself in increasingly more intimate ways.

Yet we don't start at the most intimate stage, even though we are there on the historical timeline. We, as individuals and as a communites, have to grow through those stages to the most intimate. And we struggle to do so.

We are mostly stuck in "God is for us." That may explain why we are so fixated on perserving or returning the U.S. to be a "Christian nation." We want God battling for His nation.

On our best days we get focused instead on the Kingdom and on the whole understanding that God came to be with us, which changes everything. We start to understand and be changed by this more intimate love.

But we really struggle to get to the most intimate "God within us" understanding of who we are as a people and how that really is the whole point.

Maybe that's why God has taken thousands of years to progressively reveal himself to people (even at the risk of being understood by many as being a different God now than in Old Testament times) -- because our whole lives will still be spent trying to get from the earlier versions of the understanding to the later versions anyway. It's not like we can get to the most intimate understanding just because it has been historically revealed. We're still mostly stuck in the early stages, and it takes us years of struggle to move past it to the more intimate reality.

That's my quest.

2008-05-18T09:12:00.000-04:00

The Bridge

"Prayer is the bridge between my unconscious and conscious life. Prayer connects my mind with my heart, my will with my passions, my brain with my belly. Prayer is the way to let the life-giving Spirit of God penetrate all the corners of my being. Prayer is the divine instrument of my wholeness, unity, and inner peace." -- Henri Nouwen, from The Only Necessary Thing

Those words ring true to me.

Seems like the idea of prayer in the evangelical world, especially here in Middle America, often stays in the conscious level and doesn't act as the bridge for which it is intended.

Prayer has become, in this culture surrounding me, a sprinkle to go over a meal or to open a ceremony or to ease the panic when someone is sick.

Its power, though, comes when it acts as the bridge which Nouwen describes.

Here's to many meaningful crossings.

2008-05-04T09:52:00.000-04:00

Politics

Even more rare than a rich man's steak is a post by me about politics. Yet here goes.

Prediction: Obama will be the next President of the U.S.

I'm not yet ready to either endorse or criticize the man yet, but I am ready to make the prediction.

Republicans will rally behind life issues and call their candidate moral. Democrats will point to the plight of the poor and the shrinking middle class, not to mention the ethics (or lack there of) of war, in order to declare their candidate moral.

And I think they both have points worth considering, at least on those arguments. And both are wrong on other things. But we have all settled for the reality of living our lives with polar opposites instead of embracing the paradox that truth sometimes encompasses the seemingly contradictory.

So we along with that have bought into the need to chose one side of every debate (including the political debates), so we therefore will pick one party, or one candidate, and rally around one set of issues as being superior, or moral, or better, and continue to live with the blind spots of the weakness (or in some cases, the downright evil) of the accompanying positions we will buy into to support that position or that candidate.

That's why I think an honest and integrity filled Christ-follower could easily conclude that the most "Christian" position is not to vote.

Or to cast a controversial vote.

Or to cast a not-so-controversial vote, yet feel torn and frustrated by the whole experience.

2008-04-20T10:16:00.000-04:00

Final Thoughts on Pagan Christianity by Viola & Barna

(this is a follow-up to my February 23, 2008 post.)

As the authors themselves say in their "Final Thoughts" section, "the question really boils down to this: Are the practices of the institutional church, such as

the clergy/laity system,
salaried pastors,
sacred buildings,
the order of worship,
etc.

God-approved developments to the church that the New Testament envisions? Or are they unhealthy departures from it?"

That is the question that we should prayerfully consider.

After reading, re-reading, and discussing this book with a few people, that really is the question it leaves. I do believe, based on my previous understanding as reinforced by their book, that these things listed above, and several others, are not found in the New Testament practices of the churches (despite a few isolated proof texts that people sometimes misapply to assert otherwise).

But it still leaves open the question of what that means to our modern day church practice.

I'm just a bit disappointed and shocked that more people are not at least willing to really wrestle with the question with an open mind and a willingness to really see where the question leads. The widespread unwillingness to do so concerns me deeply.

2008-04-18T20:58:00.000-04:00

Marty, Guitar Hero, & the Earth Shakes

Three things really surprised me this week, all totally unrelated to each other.

1. Marty Brennaman calling Cubs fans the most obnoxious fans in the league? Marty, I have always thought you were one of the best, but come on! You have to admire the fans who sell out your stadium by travelling there to support their team on the road! Come on!

2. I played Guitar Hero for the first time this week. Fun stuff. Gift idea: I want the drummer version, whatever it is called.

3. We had a 5.2 Earthquake here in central Indiana this morning. Very odd. I awoke at 5:40 AM to feel the house shaking. At first I thought it was wind, then I realized that if that was wind, we were in trouble. Next I assumed someone in my family was shaking the bed. Then I realized what was happening. It woke all of us up except Tori. Very, very strange. I also felt an aftershock at 11:15 this morning.

This was my third earthquake. Felt one here in Indy back in the late 80s. Felt a bigger one (7.0) in Vegas during our first year there. It woke us in the middle of the night, and we could feel the wave rolling under us. Scary. I remember feeling motion sickness in my stomach from that one. We awoke thinking Tori (then still in a crib) was jumping up and down in her crib. Then we saw that she was still asleep, but the crib was still shaking.

2008-04-13T15:29:00.000-04:00

You Took Your Kids Where?

It was more like time travel than a vacation. Or maybe it was like space travel.

We just returned from Spring Break in Vegas. Besides a couple of days when Lucas was too sick to function, we had a great time and got to see tons of people and enjoy weather in the 70s.

Last Sunday, nearly sixty people came by for a cookout at the Nybergs.

We visited with many of them and several others throughout the week at various restaurants and homes.

The kids, Rebekah, and I were also Vegas tourists this time around. We did the Shark Reef Aquarium (slightly overpriced, but very fun for the kids) and we did a sightseeing cruise on Lake Mead (very nice -- I highly recommend it; I'm sorry I never did this during my eight years living there). Tori & I also saw Horton Hears a Who, which was much better than I expected.

Our first day there, it seemed surreal . . . like we had gone back in time . . . like we had landed on another planet where we once lived. After a few days, though, it seemed like we had never left and that we were picking up right where we left off nine months ago.

Now, it's like we have families of sorts on both planets. I have an identity and a role on both planets, though they are very different in each place. We know our way around on both planets. We know the places to go, the places not to go, and how things really work in both places.

In more ways than one, I don't need a map in either place.

Now we are back on planet Indiana remembering how things work in this reality. Still so bizarre, it all is. It's like we have a life on two planets at the same time. I'm trying to figure out how these things co-exist.

I do think that the trip backto Vegas (and the fact that our first midwest winter is over) will help bring some closure and will help me embrace living here and getting on with what's next . . . even though I'm still not completely sure what that entails.

2008-03-16T11:57:00.000-04:00

Life Updates of all Sorts

Been doing some writing, which has been therapeutic. We'll see if it turns into any kind of a finished product some day. That requires lots of time and energy, which I don't have right now. But the bits and pieces may come together over time.

Lucas can really hit a baseball for a three-year-old. May have him play T-ball this summer and see how it goes. He's also starting to learn his letters, though it is a work in progress. He's going to pre-school three half days a week in the fall just to get him into the routine of such things.

Tori is doing well in her advanced classes. She has way too much homework for a third grader, but I think it is good for her to excel at something and push herself a little. She continues to develop lots of friendships with kids from school and kids in our neighborhood.

Rebekah and I have been able to go out without the kids much more in the last few months, which has been great for us. It is one of the things we hoped would happen in this new season of life. We enjoy quiet restaurants and peaceful places -- evidence we are getting old and boring.

Being a lawyer is a good fit for my abilities. I am a person who enjoys thinking, organizing, public speaking, and both persuasive and technical writing. That is what I do all day. I wish I did a bit more public speaking and a bit less of the other things, but alas, most lawyers don't do what we see on TV, and most lawsuits don't go to trial. Been thinking about maybe teaching a class or something on the side to make use of those latent abilities. Who knows.

It has been difficult, though, starting over at the bottom of a profession. My role in professional ministry was an unusual one, yet having done it for a decade and half, I had an idea of what it was about, and felt respected on some level. It's weird to start over at this stage of life.

Several houses are up for sale in our neighborhood this spring. One is in foreclosure, and is a steal of deal. Anybody want to move near us? You can get a great house with a nice yard, lots of space inside and out, great school system, all for only $200,000. I'm talking steal.

Indiana basketball is in a woeful state. Hoosiers have hit the wall after the coaching change debacle, and the Pacers are at rock bottom facing a massive overhaul soon. But the Cubbies are coming, and they are for real this year. Should be a great summer of baseball. This could be the year, and I mean it this time.

2008-03-09T11:44:00.000-04:00

Vegas or Bust

I can't express how much I'm looking forward to our trip to Vegas in early April. I'm looking forward to:

seeing everyone -- some of our best friends in the world, who we spent time with each week for years, and then suddenly we haven't seen them in over eight months;
warm weather! this midwest winter has lingered on and on with minor snowfalls almost every third or fourth day for almost four months;
re-visiting all the places we spent so much time at in Vegas. I feel I need this in order to continue figuring out this major life transition we made. It just seems like it will be therapeutic to be back in the places where so many meaningful days were spent. I need to be there to get some perspective on what all has happened in our lives in the past year.
just getting away from the weekly routine -- the usual reason why a vacation is always nice.

I think I need this trip more than I've needed one in awhile.

2008-02-23T16:40:00.000-05:00

Ready for Some Controversy?

If so, or even if not, Pagan Christianity by Frank Viola & George Barna is an important read. I'm not ready to comment on it in detail yet, but this book will put it all on the table and force us to deal with some things.

Here's a summary of pages 246-250:

The very early Christians / the church during New Testament times

was intensely Christ-centered;
had no fixed order of worship. The early Christians gathered in open-participatory meetings where all believers shared their experiences of Christ . . . .;
lived as face-to-face community;
was the first and only religion the world has ever known that was void of ritual, clergy, and sacred buildings;
did not have a clergy;
made decisions by the entire assembly deciding;
was organic, not organizational;
did not practice tithing, and did not give their money to pay local pastors and build buildings, but instead gave sacrificially to 1) support the poor and 2) to pay traveling missionary church planters;
saw baptism as the outward expression of Christian conversion (not the sinner's prayer);
practiced the Lord's Supper as a full meal which the church enjoyed together;
did not build Bible schools or seminaries to train young workers; and
did not divide themselves into denominations.

This is a must read. No matter where you land on each of the items listed above, it would be a waste to be a Christ-follower and not wrestle with the contents of this book, in my opinion.

2008-02-22T09:59:00.000-05:00

Book?

It's difficult to put time & energy into writing something big when you aren't certain that anyone will ever read it. Yet I've had a growing conviction over the past six months or so that I should write (a book?) about the simple church journey I've been on over the past decade or so.

If it is published and read, great. If not, it will be therapeutic and clarifying for me. I have a file folder full of notes. I am on the verge of committing my weekends to writing the sucker. We'll see.

2008-02-17T10:23:00.000-05:00

Seasons of the Soul

'Tis February, often called the month of depression. And while I've never been clinically depressed, I sure can feel the lowness of the season. It is much more noticeable in a place where the weather is wet and dreary and cold.

I sense it in the people around me each day; and I sense it in myself.

Last night I read the book of Ecclesiastes. I laughed out loud at many parts of it. That dude was in a major depression when he wrote. He talks about life, and work, and pleasure, and even great achievement being all meaningless. It's all been done before, and it will all be done again. Everything is a big cycle: the same thing over and over and over again. Who even rembers his own great, great, great grandfather? If we don't remember him, then even an unborn baby won't be remembered four generations from now (it's in the book, I'm not making this stuff up).

But there's more: you're better off going to a funeral and crying your eyes out then going to a party and laughing.

The biggest idiot you have ever met, and you, are both going to die some day, so who is better off really?

I could go on and on. You have to read this stuff at face value and be willing to laugh. It's pretty entertaining for a cynic like me.

But even Mr. Depression (the writer) acknowledges some good in: eating and drinking, enjoying one's work, and being with family and friends. Ultimately, somebody else adds in at the end (evidenced by the switch from first person to third person): in the end, all that matters is you and God, really. I think dude was so depressed that he needed someone else to add that in and tidy it all up for him.

One part stood out to me: "to accept his lot and be happy in his work -- this is a gift of God. He seldom relfects on the days of his life, because God keep him occupied with gladness of heart" (5:19-20). That is an ideal to strive for, right there. I find myself re-evaluating everything all the time (and so did Mr. Depression, apparently). But there is a goodness in finding a rhythm in life where one doesn't feel the need to constantly do that.

Maybe that is what March is for?

I highly recommend a reading of Ecclesiastes in February. Just don't do it near any sharp objects.

2008-02-15T10:09:00.001-05:00

Boys of Summer, Hoosier Hysteria, Etc.

Long time, no blog. Nothing like a little sports to get me writing again.

First, pitchers and catchers have reported to Spring Training. Glory be! This is the Cubs year -- we won the World Series in 1908, and we shall prevail again in 2008! It will be a nice poetic ending to the story.

Second, basketball is all crazy here in the Hoosier Heartland. Four Indiana college teams are nationally ranked, just as it should be. But the Pacers are just awful and not getting better, and the locals have largely abandoned them. That is not how things should be. Further, IU Coach Kelvin Sampson is going down in a blaze of recruiting violations. IU has not been involved in any such things in my lifetime. Definitely not the way things should be. As one T-Shirt says, "Bring Back Bobby." He must be laughing at this miserable nonsense. I vote to can Sampson and promote assistant Dan Dakich (a former Knight player) to the head spot.

In summation: Go Cubs, Pacers suck, and Bring Back Bobby. (Special thanks to Jim Nyberg for contributing the photo image).

2008-01-12T16:44:00.000-05:00

Thai Food, Tractor Pulls, & Tree Limbs

I lived 37 years on planet earth without eating at a Thai restaurant . . . and then this week I ate at two different ones -- one in Broad Ripple and one right here in Fishers. Pretty yummy stuff which I highly recommend.

Lucas and I watched Tractor Pulling this afternoon. It was definetly his idea. I thought I had better admit it here and now before somebody found out some other way.

After the most recent snow all melted, we had tree limbs all over our yard which apparently blew off from one of our neighbor's trees during one of the storms. I offered Tori $1 to go out and pick them all up, cut them up and get them into the garbage. AND SHE DID IT! Now I'm wondering what other unpleasant tasks I can avoid for a mere dollar. Hmmm.

Rebekah has been enjoying her new piano (really her very old piano that has been at her parents' house for years but we never found a way to get to our place until recently). I think she also has been enjoying the cold weather -- at least one of us is.

I've been lawyering. Things are getting busier now. I'm the only "associate" in the office right now because one of our associates moved on to another firm at the first of the year, and the other two were promoted to partner at the beginning of the year. So we have one associate and five partners. That means I now basically have five bosses. I think that spells job security, as each of them needs an associate to handle various projects, and for now, I'm it. That also means I'm getting exposed to several different areas of law practice since each of them practices in somewhat different areas. That's also a good thing.

It is still surreal, as I've said before, how we somehow slipped right out of our former existense in Vegas and now have this totally different existense here. We feel like we are in both worlds still, but everyone we know is either part of the old life or part of the new life. That is what makes it so surreal to me.

And, as for fantasy world, I'm registering everyday to win this year's HGTV Dreamhouse Give Away. I've never bothered in the past, but this year's house overlooks the water in the Florida Keys. As Ferris Buehler once said, "it's so choice." I'm sure it was meant for me!

2007-12-30T13:43:00.000-05:00

Awaiting Our King

We attended a Christmas service with family on the 23rd. Going to a church service is always a fascinating experience for me now.

The sermon I heard was 95% the best sermon I've heard in years -- all about us awaiting, with great anticipation, the coming of Christ (just as they did in the first century). It was really an honest discussion of the fact that life sooner or later will break your heart, and when it does, those are the moments when you will either seek Him (await, with great anticipation, His coming) or you will detach from everything spiritual and everyone around you. It was great reflection on the real spiritual journey and the realities that we all must face.

I hesitate to even mention the other 5%, because I try so hard not to be critical and negative. But I must write about that part too, because it also taught me something. For some unexplained reason, the speaker inserted a brief section about hating political correctness and about us being right and everyone else being wrong, and so forth.

I had a realization: perhaps many people of that preacher's generation (he was probably in his late 50s or early 60s) remember a world where life in the USA somewhat reflected the Kingdom of God? Perhaps? Maybe that is why they are still motivated by this idea of us versus them, of we have to save America, of America is God's chosen people, of "I'll dare they take away Christian principles from the public square," etc?

I began reflecting on why I am so unmoved by all of that kind of rhetoric. Why do I just assume that the Kingdom of God is not America, and our mission is not to make it so, while others will make that battle so important that they almost lose sight of love?

I sat there and wished that speaker would just be Christ's follower -- just do it for the world to see -- instead of engaging in a heated debate with the culture around him. Why not just live truth in the midst of culture instead of trying so hard to yell back at the culture? (After all, if he really believes he is "right," wouldn't just living it out fully be the most logical thing to do?)

Maybe this is why I feel differently: I didn't grow up in a "Kingdom of God" version of the USA. Not saying that I grew up in a bad place -- it was actually quite nice. But rarely did I grow up really experiencing Kingdom reality in the culture around me. I didn't grow up in the midst of a world where people really lived loved by God and engaged in authentic community with others out of the overflow of that love. Luckily, I caught glimpses of it from family and close friends. But it wasn't the norm in the schools, churches, and other "communities" that existed all around me. So I guess I don't believe the USA is God's country and that my mission in life is to preserve it, or fight to get it back, or whatever. I like living here -- don't get me wrong -- but that is mainly because I'm a selfish consumer who enjoys the material benefits. Who wouldn't?

I believe my mission is to live out Kingdom reality (the best broken little me can) in the midst of whatever is happening around me in culture. I guess that's why I'm not so engaged in the culture-war version of Christianity that has taken over the evangelical church.

But back to the 95% of the sermon. It was great. We all start to find the King in the place where our hearts are most broken. As we grow more mature we learn to go through problems instead of around them -- or maybe we just learn to trust instead of manipulate -- at least sometimes.

Here's to awaiting our King and his Kingdom to break in all around us. I think that's Christmas.

2007-12-29T22:11:00.000-05:00

Whirlwind Christmas Week

Many a family festivity has been happening. Last Friday night (December 21st) was the firm's Christmas party. When Rebekah and I returned home from that, her brother Mike (from Atlanta) and his friend Cinara (from Brazil) had arrived at our house. They stayed with us that night.

Then on Saturday we all six drove up to Grand Rapids to Rebekah's parents' house. We exchanged gifts with her parents while we were there. We also attended Rebekah's mom's extended family's Christmas event on Sunday. We dashed through the snow to get there in a mini lake effect blizzard. Then we drove back home from Michigan on Christmas Eve, getting back about a half day later than we had planned. We unpacked and did our gift exchange for the four of us that night.

On Christmas Day we hosted the Hubbard family here (my parents, my brother Jason and his wife Melissa, and the kids Bryce and Brendan). We exchanged gifts, ate a feast, and watched some movies.

Then on Wednesday (December 26th) I returned to work for three days. On Thursday I had lunch with Phil Webster who was visiting from Durham.

Thursday night, Rebekah's other brother Jeff and his wife Christie and kids (Misty and Aiden) stopped here on their way back to Michigan from North Carolina. Rebekah's parents and Mike and Cinara came as well. We had 12 people staying at our the house for two nights! Crazy, but a good time. We exchanged gifts with Rebekah's brothers' and families, ate way too much food, etc.

Everyone went back home Saturday late afternoon. We spent the evening cleaning, putting things away, and catching our breath. And Tori went to a friend's birthday party. Just an insane kind of week!

It was a great Christmas, but so much different than any we've ever had in the past. It will take a few days to process it all for me. The past decade of Christmases were usually about planning and executing Christmas Eve church services, then having a late Christmas brunch with friends, then doing nothing for four or five days afterward. Not at all what happened this year.

I'm way behind on my holiday "sitting around and doing nothing" -- and going out to cash in all the gift cards I received, and stuff like that. Maybe New Year's Day will be good for that!

2007-12-18T19:26:00.000-05:00

On the Juice!

In honor of the Mitchell Report from Major League Baseball, I'm taking this opportunity to come clean . . . . .

I used human growth hormone --- but only once --- and it was to get through a difficult law school final exam. I hope I still get in the hall of fame someday.

But I never bet on baseball.

2007-12-13T17:24:00.000-05:00

Merry . . . Happy . . .Season's . . . Peace

Big culture war: saying "Merry Christmas" versus "Happy Holidays."

Everyone is fired up and can tell you why their perspective is correct (on both sides of the debate).

I even had to hand write "Merry Christmas" on the"Season's Greetings" cards that I sent out through the firm -- so as not to offend those who would be offended by those cards that were printed so as to not offend those who . . . . (I'm getting confused).

Then I got a card from friends that simply stated "Peace on Earth." (It didn't say "Merry Christmas." It didn't say "Happy Holidays.") Ingenious! Seriously!

For those who insist on "Merry Christmas": you have to admit that "Peace on Earth" is better. It is straight out of the Luke's account of the Christmas story ("Merry Christmas" doesn't appear anywhere in the old Holy Writs, after all).

For those who insist on something more generic like "Happy Holidays:" you have to admit, "Peace on Earth" is a universally acceptable wish that is hard to argue with. What world religion (or lack there of) wouldn't want to see peace on earth?

And, back to the "Merry Christmas" fans, the phrase "Peace on Earth" might actually invoke someone's curiosity and lead to a meaningful conversation. Those other phrases are leading only to debates -- not very productive for anyone.

I think this is an illustration to me of how we would rather debate than love. And I have to thank my friends who sent that "Peace on Earth" card -- even if they didn't know I would overanalyze it like this!

So, to all who may still be reading, . . . . peace on earth!

2007-12-08T17:22:00.000-05:00

Winter

Wednesday morning we awoke to 5 inches of snow (based on our official backyard measurement). The kids got to play in a winter wonderland, and Tori's school started two hours late. I got to shovel snow and then go to work at the regular time. That all may explain the difference between the kids' reaction to the snow versus mine!

Friday morning we awoke to 3 additional inches of snow (based again on our official backyard measurement). Same deal -- Tori took advantage of another two hour school delay to play in the snow. I got to shovel it again and then go to work.

Saturday morning I awoke at 4:40 AM with a strange feeling that something wasn't right. I eventually figured out that it was darker than normal in our bedroom. The power had gone out. As I looked out the window I saw that the power had gone out on our entire street. Thank goodness for the snow pack, which reflected enough moonlight to keep things from being pitch black. I spent the next hour scurrying around in search of flashlights, candles, matches, a battery-operated radio, extra blankets, etc.

I figured the power failure must have been weather related (freezing rain had been forecasted), but I think it turned out to be just a coincidence that a main circuit blew. We were without lights, heat, TV, heat, computer, heat, coffee makers, heat, and all the other modern conveniences of life for a total of 11 hours before the lights came on at 3:30 PM. We were about ready to head to my parents' house for the night in order to have heat when, presto, electricity was restored. Amazing how much you appreciate something when you go without it for a short time. Especially heat. Especially for someone like me whose blood had been thinned by eight Las Vegas winters. We cheered and carried on like fools about our new found fortune. We slowly began bringing our food back into the house (when the fridge started getting warm, we buried our food out in the snow pack as if it were treasure being buried underground).

I think I'm going to Florida.

2007-12-02T19:12:00.000-05:00

Random Thoughts (and I do mean random)

Time flies during one's thirties -- I can't believe it is December already.

I really want to go visit everyone in Vegas. We could try to squeeze in a weekend in February, but we could probably stay a lot longer if we held out for Tori's spring break in April. I really do want to go -- it's really messed up to get so close to a few people and then suddenly not see them at all for five months.

We enjoyed hosting both sets of parents and my brother's family on Thanksgiving. It was a good day, yet so strange that we were hosting everyone. Things do come full circle.

25 degrees with high humidity is just plain crazy cold.

Signs I'm old & responsible: I went to a Chamber of Commerce Luncheon (for work), a Christmas tree lighting ceremony, and a School PTA breakfast (with Tori) this week. I'm becoming so civic.

Chevy Chase gained a lot of weight between Cops & Robbersons (2004) and Vegas Vacation (2007).

2007-11-10T09:19:00.000-05:00

World Class Rock

I've latched on to a favorite radio station here in Indy: WTTS 92.3 FM. They are based in Bloomington and the Indiana University campus influence is obvious. I listened to it a little back when I lived here 18 years ago. But both the station, and myself, have developed much in our musical tastes since then -- into a common place. You can audio stream them from the web, and I think it's worth checking out.

This week they announced their top 25 albums of the past 25 years. For me, that doesn't go back quite far enough to catch all of my favorites. Yet, it is still a great list (for the most part) which is worth a look, and could spark a very entertaining debate.

And I would have to add one album to the list for sure: Journey "Escape," though I think it just misses the 25 year cut-off. Listen to the whole album before you make fun of me! It's a great jazz recording disguised as corporate rock.

2007-11-04T08:46:00.000-05:00

The Truth About My Spiritual Journey

I've experienced God (whatever that means) in various settings over the years:

in a room full of people passionately worshipping to music
through liturgy as well, but usually by myself or in a very small setting

But I've never had those meaningful experiences every Sunday just because that's when the band starts singing or just because that's when the leader begins the liturgy.

I've experienced God in a meaningful way in other settings as well:

at the high moment of a relief work trip to a developing third-world country;
at retreats and conferecnes where we spent days focusing on God and finally hit the climax of the experience in a true moment with Him.

Each time was unplanned, accidental, and most important to my spiritual journey.
(Of course, this journey isn't just about experiencing God -- some of it is about doing the right thing over and over again even if there is no profound moment attached to it. But part of it is about real, dynamic experience also.

I could go to any of a number of churches that worships to great music, or prays intensely, every Sunday hoping to get these deep connections.

I could go to any of a number of churches that shares the liturgy together in a meaningful way every Sunday hoping to get these deep connections.

But what I really long for is a small community of people who want to meet often to seek God in these ways. At this moment in time, I don't have those people living nearby. Even if I did, and even if we met regularly seeking it, we would (probably) not find it most of the times we met. At least that's what I suspect.

So I feel free to worship on any Sunday at (almost) any evangelical, charismatic, Roman Catholic, or mainline church. I've come to a place where I feel that my theology allows me to agree enough with any of them (and allows me to overlook where I disagree) enough to join them.

But I also feel free to gather with Rebekah, Tori, & Lucas in my home to do the same. We often do that, and we pray God will send others if/when/how He wishes.

We are the church. We must struggle to flesh out what that means and quit pretending that the church is a time and a place and a program. Though sometimes the time and place and program become every bit the church. But the journey causes us to stumble upon the real thing because it is the journey, not because of the time and place and program.

And I only have the courage to share these thoughts in this forum now because I have stumbled across thousands of other North Americans who feel the similarly, and have decided to be honest about what church really means, and not feel that they absolutely must pick a "time, place, and program" version of church in order to be part of the church.

2007-10-28T09:46:00.000-04:00

Thoughts on How Subtle North American Materialism Can Be

1. I realized yesterday we have five ways to heat food: 1) Oven, 2) Stove, 3) Toaster Oven, 4) Microwave Oven, 5) Grill. And that's just normal. How strange that we don't see that as overkill and just plain indulgent.

2. Yesterday at one point the four of us were using four forms of entertainment at once: 1) Tori was playing on the computer, 2) Luc was watching a movie on video, 3) Rebekah was playing the piano, and 4) I was listening to my i-pod. And that's normal as well.

2007-10-23T19:57:00.000-04:00

An Interesting Day in the Practice of Law

Today I appeared in court for the first time -- quite unplanned.

One of my colleagues ended up needing to be in two different courts at once, so I found out at 9:45 AM (in Fishers) that I would handle a hearing in Federal Bankruptcy Court at 10:30 AM (in downtown Indianapolis). I made it just in time. I had to appear before a federal judge without a suit on (no time to change) and without really knowing the matter I had to appear on. It was a relatively simple appearance, so all ended well even though I had only one thing to say, and no knowledge of the matter beyond that one sentence.

It would take way too many words to explain the next challenge of the day, but I had to work the phone with a guy who was fired up and disgruntled over an issue that really wasn't caused by any of us. Fun stuff!

As much as those events were a bit stressful, I have to admit it made for a more enjoyable day than sitting in my office working on various case files all day.

2007-10-17T20:17:00.000-04:00

I'm a real lawyer now. How bizarre!

I'm working with some pretty good people, and the stories behind the cases we are working on are all very interesting (though often somewhat tragic, also).

It's weird in that I am the new guy with lots and lots to learn. Yet I keep reminding myself that it is amazing that I'm able to hold my own in this profession when I didn't know anything about it just a few years ago.

I'm working in the transportation practice group. We represent trucking companies in their various legal needs. To put the best possible spin on it -- we keep those companies moving their cargo from point A to point B so that all of us get the stuff we need to live. We handle their legal issues and help get those settled so they can transport stuff.

The firm also does family law, wills & trusts, and corproate formations out of our Fishers office. So if you need any of that ever, I can hook you up with some good people.

2007-10-10T09:33:00.000-04:00

Turning the Page to a New Chapter of Life

I will be starting my new position with DeFur Voran on Monday.

I'm very excited to get started on this new venture which really marks a new season in my life. Of course, I feel the anxiety that always comes with starting something new and unknown.

This week we've traded in our Malibu for a Honda Pilot, I had an eye exam for the first time in several years, we've bought and moved in a few items we still need for the house, etc. It's that last minute push to get things done that don't fit into the weekly routine of normal busyness. I feel really busy for the first time since the bar exam.

Every once in a while I stop and think about how much our lives have changed in the past three months. It's really quite amazing and hard to get a grasp of.

2007-10-06T16:00:00.000-04:00

Playoff Update: Dark Days (a bit of a rant)

I'm hurting here. The Cubs dropped the first two to the D-Backs (thanks a lot Andy H for your daily D-Back rally phone calls).I still believe. We're going to win tonight. This curse (and the curse is real, I'm here to declare) is going to end soon. It's going to happen. It must!

I'll admit, as much as I've cheered this year's team on (been to four live games and I've been able to watch more on TV than usual), and as much as they are good enough to win it all ---they are not built the way I would build a team. They are a power team. They'll win by five, or they'll get shut down and lose. I would build a more consistent team built on deeper pitching, defense, speed, defense, contact hitting, defense, star up-the middle players (more so than star corner players), and (did I mention?) defense. Pitching and defense (especially defense up the middle) wins championships. It really does. Yes, you need timely hitting, but you need patient hitting (to work favorable counts and get the opposition's pitch counts up), and contact hitting (to put pressure on the opposition's defense). True, chicks dig the long ball, but all-or-nothing hitters scare the daylights out of me in must-win situations.

And let me mention how important defense is in baseball. So often one botched defensive play opens the door for a big inning, where the other team scores several runs. I can't think of another sport where this is so true. One bad defensive play (or even the lack of a great defensive play) does exponential damage in baseball. This is more true than in the other sports. One bad defensive play in basketball leads to one basket, for example. In baseball, it can lead to a multi-run rally --- and it often does. Defense, defense, defense. One bad defensive player on the field will cost a team games over a long season --- ALWAYS!

Still, I believe, and I will root hard tonight. The GM (Jim Hendry) is the one who must take the fall if all doesn't go well, because he build this team the wrong way. He was sucked into the Wrigley Field wind blowing out thing. It doesn't blow out every day though, and half the games are on the road. But keep Sweet Lou -- I love him! He's the closest thing to Bob Knight I've seen in a baseball dugout.

OK, I feel better now having purged all of that. We're still going to glory, I say!

2007-10-01T10:09:00.000-04:00

Passing the Bar Exam: 4 years of professional school, one bar exam prep course, and a summer of studying eight hours a day.

Getting An Associate Attorney Position with a firm you fit in with: hundreds of resumes, dozens of interviews, months of waiting.

Celebrating by teaching your kids about the greatest game ever played, while rooting on the National League Central Division Champion Chicago Cubs: PRICELESS.

On Saturday, Joe Boyd and I watched the Cub/Reds in Cincinnati. I also hung out with him at the Vineyard Community Church there and got a glimpse of his new life.

On Sunday, Rebekah, the kids, and I watched the regular season finale Cubs/Reds game.

This was our celebratory weekend. Now I'm beginning my preps for my upcoming new routine. Should be very interesting.

2007-09-28T08:41:00.000-04:00

Big News

First, I passed the Indiana Bar Exam! This is a huge relief and the final culmination of over four years worth of work.

Second, I am going to be practicing with a mid-size law firm, DeFur Voran, doing civil litigation, primarily in their Transportation Practice Group. The firm is based in Muncie, Indiana, but has a satellite office here in Fishers, which will be my home base.

I'm overall very excited, but right now mostly just relieved. All of this just came together this week.

2007-09-23T17:01:00.000-04:00

Go Cubs Go

With on week left in the regular season, the Cubs lead the NL Central by 3.5 games. We're going to glory!

They just swept the Pirates for their last home series of the year. The game has been over for 15 minutes and nobody has left Wrigley Field. The party is on.

"This is a baseball environment," [Cubs Manager Lou] Piniella said. "It's unbelievably exciting. I can see why so many players want to play here. I don't think there's an environment like this in baseball."

In all honesty, I have to ask . . . . .

who cares about football right now?!?!

2007-09-17T15:22:00.000-04:00

Come on Over

Not sure how many Indiana "locals" are reading this blog, but . . .

we're having a big pot-luck meal and hang out at our place this Sunday (9/23) starting at 1PM. Bring some food, we'll provide the drinks. The grill will be available. Just let us know if you're coming -- it's open invitation.

(If football fans want to, we can put the Colts game on the big screen!)

2007-09-16T13:43:00.000-04:00

Cultural Differences

With each passing week I'm noticing the cultural differences between life in Las Vegas and life in Indiana. It takes awhile to really see it. I am amazed at how differently people understand life, all within the same country. It's pretty drastic, really. Not that one is good, and one is bad. I believe all cultures are a mixed bag of good and bad. It's just different. And it takes some real "paying attention" to really see it.

Here's someone else's similar impressions (though a bit biased towards this culture over the other) from a recent blog entry:
----------

Back from West Coast to Indiana’s simpler life
By Kelly Corbray, Indianapolis

I lived in Indiana the first 18 years of my life and couldn’t wait to move to California, where I lived for six years. My naive 18-year-old brain assumed that every state was like Indiana. I returned to Indianapolis in 1990. I have raised two children here and recently adopted two of my foster children and am working on adopting a third.

I’m 42 now and the picture is a whole lot clearer. I can greet people I pass on the street with a smile and a “good morning” without being looked at like I am crazy.

I can afford my own home even with the rising taxes. In California, my meager five-bedroom, 2,000-square-foot house would sell for $750,000. Here, I bought a U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development home for $79,000, and with little fixes it is now worth $114,000.

Indy’s crime is not nearly as bad as California’s; our gangs and project areas look like preschoolers and playgrounds compared to what I have seen.

People complain that there isn’t a lot to do here other than sports. That just gives us more time to spend with our families and our kids and in our homes.

2007-09-11T09:10:00.000-04:00

Coffee Excitement in the Heartland

Leaving Vegas for Indy has not provided too many exciting food/entertainment upgrades to brag about. Until now. Dunkin' Donuts is taking Central Indiana by storm. I could care less about the "donuts," but I'm excited about the java.

When I lived on Long Island, New York, there was a Starbucks and a Dunkin Donuts near each other on the main street between my apartment and my office. Nine times out of ten I would choose the double D for my morning coffee. That's how good it is, in my humble coffee snob opinion. I'm excited to see that my experience will soon get to repeat itself.

One must learn to celebrate the little things in life, right?

2007-08-30T09:02:00.000-04:00

Life Updates

I have an important career-related meeting coming up the middle of next week. Hopefully I will be able to share more before too long. Though several different paths still exist, this one possibility is potentially a very good thing . . . yet who knows?

My heart has been heavy as I hear about many families and individuals going through hard times back in Vegas. I'm excited to see how the community has rallied around those hurting. Even though I'm not particularly gifted at helping people through this kind of stuff, a part of me longs to be there to go through this with everyone.

Tonight is "meet the teacher" night at Tori's school. Tomorrow Rebekah's parents are coming for the Labor Day weekend. Next weekend, my brother is renewing his wedding vows for his tenth anniversary (and doing it on a grander scale than their original wedding).

I've been spending my days:

volunteering for the Neighborhood Christian Legal Clinic,
making and following up contacts regarding future law practice,
working on the house,
spending quality time with the family (Lucas and I are really connecting, which is cool)
reading some classic fiction (just started Brothers K by Dostoyesky), and
watching quite a few Cubs games as they continue to be in first place.

Just this week I really feel that I am recovered physically and emotionally from the law school drain. I'm eager to get into a new routine in the upcoming weeks. Yet I'm embracing the current season for what it is. There may never be another time quite like it.

2007-08-24T16:44:00.000-04:00

Still a Sucker for Sunsets

Yet another vacation sunset picture to post. This was from about a month ago, when Rebekah and I stayed at a house on Lake Michigan after the bar exam.

This was the view from the backyard deck -- not bad!

2007-08-17T10:43:00.000-04:00

Ode to Phil

Phil Webster is back in the States, and he came over to our house yesterday, bright and early, and helped me work in the yard. Not sure whether to call him our second Vegas visitor, or our first Jerusalem visitor? Great to see him, though.

A good friend is one who comes by at 7AM to pull weeds for no other reward than a cup of coffee and good conversation.

2007-08-15T09:55:00.000-04:00

Today is August 15

Today Tori started Third Grade at her new school.

Also, I marked this date several months ago as the day I would get serious about figuring out what's next for me career wise -- time to get ready to practice law.

That could mean several things. On the surface, this is a "job search." Along those lines, there is something potentially brewing. It's too early for me to elaborate. But this is much more than a job search, or the starting of a new practice, for me. This is a quest for what the next season of life holds, and what it will be all about. This time in my life feels big. Please pray for me as I start devoting much of my time and energy to this quest.

2007-08-15T09:42:00.000-04:00

A Quote Worth Pondering

"This culture, which replaces

community with management,
stories with curriculum, and
care with commodities,

is the serviced society -- a careless place dominated by impotent institutions and burgeoning social pathology." --John McKnight, Northwestern University

2007-08-11T19:06:00.000-04:00

Now I See Clearly?

I remember one Apex "dreaming session" somewhere around the year 2000. We dreamed of the day we would have 1000 people in house churches and 1000 people in a gathering. I've often wondered when we would ever see that dream become reality. Somewhere around 300 people (now including me and my family) moved away from Vegas in the meantime. That sure didn't help!

Yet today it hit me. This week I've gotten two more e-mails from people who have been drawn toward the simple church journey from some location around North America. I've gotten hundreds (maybe a thousand?) of such e-mails over the past seven or eight years. All of them asking what we have learned about this journey that we might share with them. It seems God decided to draw people onto that journey from all over the place without first telling any of us what He was doing.

Maybe that dream session wasn't about us creating a thing with 1000 people (the good American, success-driven way of thinking), but it was about God showing us what He was already doing, and what He would allow us to play a small part in. Who knows.

Weeds

Our big yard has a little bit of a weed problem. Actually, it's more like a plague.

The last owners were kind enough to not water the lawn at all this spring, and the Midwest is experiencing an intense drought. So, the grass nearly died (we caught it just in time), but the weeds flourished. And I mean tons of weeds. Weed after weed after weed.

We've had it sprayed twice, and many of the weeds are slowly dying. But I decided this week, against the advice of many veteran lawn owners, to take matters into my own hands.

For the past four mornings, I've been out in the lawn at 6:30AM (it's been brutally hot & humid here) with a weed-removing tool, plucking the big ones one at a time. People laugh at me, but I've actually made it look a lot better by this diligence. Maybe I'm enjoying the manual labor after so many months of studying. Mostly, I'm enjoying seeing a slight improvement in the appearance of the lawn.

I've been amazed, though, at the way the weeds multiplied so quickly. I've filled two huge garbage containers with the ones I've pulled, and I probably haven't gotten half of them yet. And they all have grown within the last couple of months. Amazing really.

I've made many spiritual analogies while I've done this. Something bad can multiply really fast and almost choke out something good. When it does, you can try with your own effort to extract it (the something bad), but unless a power on high sprays the magic potion on the problem, it's really quite humorous to try to fix it oneself. And yet diligent effort does pay some dividends.

One last thought: the problem will not be fully alleviated until we aerate and re-seed the entire lawn this fall . . .

and then wait for a harsh, cold, winter . . .

and then the new life of spring to follow. Really, I have no choice but to wait on the new seasons to come.

So many analogies come to mind.

2007-08-07T11:00:00.000-04:00

Life and Mission

Where are you to begin? Begin where you are. Make that one corner, room, house, office, as like heaven as you can. Begin? Begin with the paper on the walls, make that beautiful; with the air, keep it fresh; with the very drains, make them sweet. Abolish whatsoever makes a lie -- in conversation, in social intercourse, in correspondence, in domestic life.

This done, you have arranged for a heaven, but you have not got it. Heaven lies within: in kindness, in humbleness, in unselfishness, in faith, in love, in service. To get these in, get Christ in. Teach all in the house about Christ -- what He did, what He said, and how He lived. Teach it not as a doctrine, but as a discovery, as your own discovery. Live your own discovery.

Then pass out into the city. Do all to it that you have done at home.

--from Celtic Daily Prayer, Finan Daily Readings

2007-08-05T11:43:00.000-04:00

I'm a Real Man Now, and Other Updates

Bought me a weed eater. Not just a weed eater. It's gotta four cycle engine so you don't have to mix the oil and gas. It's got an attachment that turns it into a leaf blower. The engine's got more power than my first car. It's choice. Except I spent most of the morning re-spooling the string. Had me a weed eater twenty years ago when I mowed lawns during high school. This is my first since.

On a more serious note, we're back from our getaway to Michigan. I'm going to spend this week getting the house in order, going through piles of stuff that used to be in boxes and giving it a permanent home: going through the garage, the basement, the files in the office, working on de-jungling the yard, etc.

Tori goes back to school on August 15, and on that date I plan to begin preparing for the practice of law, one way or another.

We're also thinking about starting to open up the house on Sundays in a few weeks. Open to anyone to come by. We're thinking of prayer/devotional time around 11AM, then a pot luck meal around 1PM, and opening it up for anybody who wants to come for one or both (or neither). We'll see if that is develops into anything, unless we feel led to do it another way in the meantime.

I'm missing Vegas friends, but also feeling a real sense of contentment about living here. Once we returned from a week in Michigan, followed by a day at my parents' house, the house here in Fishers really feels like home.

Rebekah and I had a great four days away at a house on Lake Michigan, without the kids. It was big-time relaxing. "We did nothing, and it was everything we dreamed it could be."